Hi everyone. First post here so go easy on me. Long story too.
I've been snorting about 60mg of blues every day for the last 4-5 years. I know it doesn't seem like much but I'm 100 pounds (I'm assuming body weight has something to do with your tolerance). My significant other was doing the same amount as me for the same amount of time (he's over twice my size). He quit by using suboxone about two months ago. Didn't miss a day of work, used about .5mg of sub a day for a month and a half and then stopped. I didn't notice him complaining about feeling terrible or anything, but he never tells me anything anyway so I honestly have no idea how he felt the whole time. The last time we tried to quit we both used suboxone for two weeks, then went another two weeks with nothing. But I thought the constant depression and having no motivation to get out of bed would last forever, so I started using again and back to square one. Now last time I started to use the suboxone, it seems like it changed my brain chemistry or something. I started to have weird episodes of sleep paralysis, and intense panic attacks, like turning white and almost fainting. The feeling that you're having a heart attack, but it would last for hours. After I started up on the 30's again this stopped happening to me.
Well here I am again, two years later, trying again. Tomorrow will be day 9 without pills. First 6 days I used a little less than 1mg of suboxone. Somewhere between 1mg and a half a mg. Almost every night I've done it I end up with the worst anxiety, racing heart beat, dizziness, overall feeling like death. Yesterday I decided not to do suboxone, and I could not get out of bed. Chills. So cold. All day. Everything was foggy. I felt like I was in some sort of horrible dream or something. Woke up this morning feeling pretty terrible too so I did a tiny .25mg piece of suboxone strip. I felt okay after about two hours, got up, took a shower. Did a little gardening. Then about 5 hours after taking the sub I came inside to make dinner and it hit me. Another unbelievably intense, horrible panic attack. I got really dizzy, heart was pounding... I was cutting potatoes in my kitchen and actually had to stop and sit on the floor because my legs were weak and I thought I was going to faint and hurt myself. My boyfriend wasn't home at the time so I was pretty scared.
I have a decent job, and I've called in sick twice in the last week. I have to work all day tomorrow. I feel like I won't be able to make it through the day without anything, but if I do suboxone I'm worried I'm going to feel like I'm dying for the last three hours of my shift and freak out or something.
Sorry for ranting, but I really have no one to talk to about this. All he says to me is "suck it up and do your suboxone, I did it and I was fine."
I guess what I'm asking is, has anyone else had a similar experience with suboxone? It's like okay half the time but you feel a little weird, and the other half the time you feel like you're going to die? I am so sick of feeling like this, I just want to feel normal again. And I don't want to lose my job. I'm thinking of buying 30's again just to get through this work week and start over again cold turkey at the end of the week. I know it's such a dumb idea but I don't know what else to do. Is there anything else that would help get me to work without feeling like I'm going to die? *sigh*
Thanks for listening.
-J
I've been snorting about 60mg of blues every day for the last 4-5 years. I know it doesn't seem like much but I'm 100 pounds (I'm assuming body weight has something to do with your tolerance). My significant other was doing the same amount as me for the same amount of time (he's over twice my size). He quit by using suboxone about two months ago. Didn't miss a day of work, used about .5mg of sub a day for a month and a half and then stopped. I didn't notice him complaining about feeling terrible or anything, but he never tells me anything anyway so I honestly have no idea how he felt the whole time. The last time we tried to quit we both used suboxone for two weeks, then went another two weeks with nothing. But I thought the constant depression and having no motivation to get out of bed would last forever, so I started using again and back to square one. Now last time I started to use the suboxone, it seems like it changed my brain chemistry or something. I started to have weird episodes of sleep paralysis, and intense panic attacks, like turning white and almost fainting. The feeling that you're having a heart attack, but it would last for hours. After I started up on the 30's again this stopped happening to me.
Well here I am again, two years later, trying again. Tomorrow will be day 9 without pills. First 6 days I used a little less than 1mg of suboxone. Somewhere between 1mg and a half a mg. Almost every night I've done it I end up with the worst anxiety, racing heart beat, dizziness, overall feeling like death. Yesterday I decided not to do suboxone, and I could not get out of bed. Chills. So cold. All day. Everything was foggy. I felt like I was in some sort of horrible dream or something. Woke up this morning feeling pretty terrible too so I did a tiny .25mg piece of suboxone strip. I felt okay after about two hours, got up, took a shower. Did a little gardening. Then about 5 hours after taking the sub I came inside to make dinner and it hit me. Another unbelievably intense, horrible panic attack. I got really dizzy, heart was pounding... I was cutting potatoes in my kitchen and actually had to stop and sit on the floor because my legs were weak and I thought I was going to faint and hurt myself. My boyfriend wasn't home at the time so I was pretty scared.
I have a decent job, and I've called in sick twice in the last week. I have to work all day tomorrow. I feel like I won't be able to make it through the day without anything, but if I do suboxone I'm worried I'm going to feel like I'm dying for the last three hours of my shift and freak out or something.
Sorry for ranting, but I really have no one to talk to about this. All he says to me is "suck it up and do your suboxone, I did it and I was fine."
I guess what I'm asking is, has anyone else had a similar experience with suboxone? It's like okay half the time but you feel a little weird, and the other half the time you feel like you're going to die? I am so sick of feeling like this, I just want to feel normal again. And I don't want to lose my job. I'm thinking of buying 30's again just to get through this work week and start over again cold turkey at the end of the week. I know it's such a dumb idea but I don't know what else to do. Is there anything else that would help get me to work without feeling like I'm going to die? *sigh*
Thanks for listening.
-J
