stupidness...babble

[yoUr bLiSS]

this is fucking ridiculous...god dammit where did this come from? where is it going? maybe i'm just drunk because that i am....i lit a stick of nags to help disintegrate the smell of smoke. i don't smoke in the house. yeah right. i wish i could lock up this bottle of vanillavodka and burn these cigarettes cuz i'll keep drinking/smoking till it's all gone or i pass out. one is bound to happen first. i'm stuck on the same cd's. cure/james/modest mouse/frou frou. dammit why can't i play anything else???? fuck..just kicked over the 2 liter of pepsi...it's all good my red sweater will soak it up. what to mix the vodka with now? it's midnight on a saturday. how pathetic am i? drunk and alone at home...well alone as of 5 minutes ago. i could be out partying it up. free drugs, empty boys, and repetitive beats. no thanks. did that last night and it got be nothing but sexually harrased. harrased. how funny the different meanings i have towards that word. my boyfriend's curled up at my feet. i love him dearly. if only i was feline. this is silly yet such a great outlet. fuck it. time for bed. my throat screams "no more cigarettes please" the vodkas got nothing left to mix it with. maybe i should go to bed. yes i should. goodnight...or gooday...depends on what side of the earth you are on at this moment.
until later......
(doesn't always come)
not in this case
i swear to it....
**goddamn all the typos "erognamically correct" keyboard or something like that. i hate it.
[ 26 January 2003: Message edited by: yoUr bLiSS ]

 

[yoUr bLiSS]

so i woke up this morning all dry-mouthed and hoarse throat. i swore not to do this to myself again. yet here i am 6:10 p.m. sunday night doing the same damn thing. my excuse is the weekend. my 5 day stretch starts tomorrow. i'll be in bed by 10. fuck it if i want to drink today. it just happend. i went to albertson's for paper towels and laundry detergent...picked up some juice and soda. now i've got a mixer. actually got shit done today. dishes and laundry. started drinkng after that. i'll get that head shake from my boss tomorrow. the one i get when i can barley answer the phone because my throat is too raw from all the damn excesses of the weekend. who cares? "not i" said the drunk girl. next weekend will be different. memories won't be as fresh, and all my friends will be back. plus i've got rehearsal starting tuesday. dreamcircus keeps my head on straight. doing something you love gets you higher than any stupid drug ever will. i'm listening to U2 achtung baby right now. it reminds me of being 16. i know someone who hates U2. he's obviousley never givem song #5 a chance. that's my favorite. pulled myself out of the rut i was in last night only to dig myself a new one. it's all good. it's so early. i've got time to play in the dirt. there's a big-ass stain from last night on my carpet. there's a big-ass stain on my soul also. anyways this is exactly as the name says...stupidness and babble. sorry to waste all of your time......

 

[harraser]

next weekend will be different. memories won't be as fresh, and all my friends will be back."memories wont be as fresh"... i cant decide if that makes me happy or sad... mostly the latter i think.