stuck on psycho

[ChristBait]

so I came on here early last week spouting off some psychotic shit about how everyone was out to get me. Most of that shit, when I look back on it now, does seem a little outlandish, but some of it still seems credibile to me. I seriously still feel like some people on here are making passive threads that are mocking me or my situation, because whoever has been spreading rumors about me to not only my friends in RL, but also my clients and people close to me, has gotten to everyone here too. Whenever I find myself going thru some threads on here, and I noticed the thread was written within the last few days, I cringe thinking that its just another one of the countless threads mocking me. Now I know there were a couple threads that were pretty obvious they were intentionally making fun of me and my douchebaggery in my last post. But I still can't shake this feeling. Since I posted my thread last Sunday, I've gotten plenty of sleep, in fact took a handfull of trazadones a couple days ago to try to really knock myself out. I missed work yesterday and showed up today for only a couple hours and that was like 2 hours after I was supposed to have been in. Now even one of my clients who I thought was a close confidant, I feel like he's turned against me too. It seems that everything everyone is saying has a double meaning thats passive aggressively being targeted at me. And I know everyone is telling me to go to the hospital, but honestly I am scared shitless of going back there. The ER, where they make you lay in bed for a mandatory 8 to 12 hours and only talk to a doc for maybe 10 minutes at the most, then transfer you to the nightmare of the psychiatric hospital. A place where they practice sadism over treatment, where they keep you as long as possible if you have good insurance (which I do). And another thing, one of my business partners, who also happens to be a close friend, who I think was involved with the other client that called me out of the blue the other night, totally mocking me... he keeps pressuring me into going into the hospital. But I keep thinking that he's setting me up for something, like to get arrested. Only reason I'm worried about that is cuz when I get a little peeved, I tend to make threats against myself and other peoples lives. I've made alot of these threats lately and even texted a few of them. I know that was probably the dumbest thing anyone could do but when you're in a state of mind that I'm in, constantly, with or without rest, or anti-psychotics, then its easy to want to do or say anything just to give someone a reason to tell you the truth about whats going on. And now I fear that I might be under investigation for terrorist threats.

I just don't understand why noone here would believe these so called "delusions' even after I've shown a couple people here and they were convinced that someone is fucking with me. The other night I was feeling fine until I went on facebook again and my ex starts chatting with me. Then somehow I was referred to another one of those "I Like" pages and it seemed like everything she was saying, someone posts a Like statement right after that pertained to our situation. Like for example, I told her that I've been trying to call everyone to help me get thru this and noone is responding,, and then a Like message appears saying "i'm there for everyone else when they need me, where are they when I need them?" then she calls me Rude and another Like message appears right after that says "I"m not rude, I just speak whats on my mind". I'm starting to think its a virus or worm or something cuz yesterday some guy I used to go to bible study with, who was the first one I ever put on my facebook, finally came online. Now he also happens to be the father of the friend I was talking about in my last post that has been acting strange. I say hi to this guy, and he says hi back, tell him what I'm going through, and then after an awkward pause for a few minutes, he posts a video on my wall that was clearly a virus. A video titled "HAHAHAHA look at what I caught you doing here Dave". Then I went on his wall and noticed a few of his friends were mentioning they got the same virus from this guy.


Heres another trip that seems totally irrelevant. A couple months ago when I was back on good terms with my girl, I let her change my religious views from what I had originally put as "different from yours", so she could change it to "the same Damina" which is part of her facebook name. I never bothered to click on the link, but when I did click on it, it asked me if I mispelled the word and if I meant to say "the same Damien", and we all know who damien is. And then on the facebook search the first page that came up on their web results was a webpage called Damina.net (mods pls don't delete this address otehrwise I will appear more insane, if thats even possible). And on that address you see some crazy marilyn manson shit, who I happen to be a big fan of. But in the title of the website, it quotes one of mansons lyrics, that describe my situation perfectly.. "peel off all those eyes, and crawl into the dark, and pray your life was just a dream". And I swear the whole time I wasn't even tweaking! But I think anyone would have flipped a lid if they saw that.

So how is it possible that one gets enough sleep, lays off the drugs for a while, takes his prescribed psych meds including anti-psychotics, and even BENZOS, and still has these feelings?
I dont think you guys know this korean guy like I do. This man knows how to fuck with my head cuz my girl even admitted that the whole time she was seeing him they both made fun of how crazy and stupid I was. And the last few encounters I"ve had with him, he portrayed the same attitudes and motivations as he does now. This is why I kept telling me girl, if your ever going to leave me, and she swore to her god and everything holy, that she would never get back with this guy after what she's seen he's done to me and our relationship. And now look, they're both tag-teaming my ass and think its all a huge joke.

The day I found out that one of her "female" fb friends was actually the korean dude, I went on his page and saw one of his friends posting in khmer, roughly translated "well it turns out that she never really loved him in the first place (referring to me) but was just waiting for her master to return (referring to the korean guy). And she knew he was gonna be gone for only a certain amount of time to go to school in NY and eventually return. Put yourself in my shoes, take off your judgement caps, and imagine how that would make you, or anyone feel to hear that.

 

[weltschmertz]

who would ever in the world spend their lives to make conspiricy for you? Dont flatter yourself.

Stay cool do not worry,its just an illnes.

 

[OverteHorizonRadar]

Have you seen a doctor yet? Like actually 30 people gave you the same advice in your last thread. My guess is you might have an anxiety disorder or something like that, which is treatable so....GO SEE A DOCTOR!!!! but in all seriousness quit dwellin on this and see a professional.

 

[Detrevni]

Yea I think if you just lay off facebook for a while that would help wonders man. Even if there are a couple comments aimed at you on facebook, so what. Just leave it alone and if people really are talking shit about you, they'll stop once you stop acting interested. That's my .02.

 

[rickolasnice]

Hey I was just about to PM you to ask if you was OK (i posted in that thread last week)..

It may take some time to go away.. if it ever full does.. just PLEASE don't take any more stimulants.. That head space WILL return straight away and will take even longer to go away.

I'm still kinda stuck in my last paranoid episode which was months ago(it comes and goes).. but they first started coming about a year ago.. i stupidly carried on taking amphetamine and not sleeping and sure enough they come back almost every time. The thoughts and feelings then started filling my life. Since i stopped taking the phet i have got alot better, and i'm sure you will too.

 

[Lolie]

A fair number of us here in TDS have our own mental health issues and when we say that you're sounding delusional we intend no malice or judgment, we just know from our own experiences that you're probably not going to be able to manage this on your own.

If you don't seek help on your own, you're at serious risk of finding yourself involuntarily committed given the behaviour you've told us you're displaying. Personally, I believe you'd be better seeking help voluntarily.

Your business partner needs to protect the business from your erratic behaviour. You're perceiving that as some kind of persecution - you're perceiving everything as some kind of persecution right now and that's a defining characteristic of a psychotic episode.

The level of help you need right now is way beyond what friends, family and strangers on the internet can provide. You're doing serious damage to your real life by not seeking that help. I hope you'll do so now.