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Struggling with depression/addiction

Siccness909

Siccness909

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 3, 2010
Messages
1,489
Location
OTown_I.E. 909
Well for about 6-7 years now..sadly it's been solely drug use. From MDMA/Tina/Opiates/Alcohol/DXM etc. I find happiness in other things like video games & music I guess but honestly I've lost all interest in a social life practically etc since I lost my girlfriend a year and a half ago. Ever since I lost her which wasreally the only ttime recently that I was sober cause I wanted to do for her I've been in a downward spiral and NEED drugs to be happy. When I'm not high I'm EXTREMELY depressed until I get high again. Anyway not trying to ramble on about my life lol but that's about it
 
Reach Out

Siccness909, do you think perhaps it may be time to seek out some help? That's a awful long time to be blue and using drugs for a sense of normalcy rather than for insight or spiritual quest. Realizing this may not be the right thread to reply to your words, I felt compelled none the less; we are humans and there's nothing wrong with extending concern for anyone or anything that may need some help.
Do you have people around you that your comfortable sharing with or reaching out to? I wonder.
I lost someone 12 years ago. It took me a decade to move on. They had passed away at a very young age from a self inflicted demise.
I dont' know if that's similar to your situation or if you and your girlfriend simply went separate ways.

If you are seriously depressed and you suspect it is clinical, please do yourself a favor and seek out some help. If doctors are unavailable, try some St.Johns Wort. It is an effective and natural alternative to the heavy pills that all too often seem to have ill affects rather than helpful ones. Then again, sometimes they work wonders. If its been this long, you need to buck up, get off that fucking couch and start appreciating yourself a heck of allot more. Please, get some help. Sounds like you need it man. Nothing wrong with reaching out okay?:)
 
I split this from its original P&S thread and moved it to TDS so that maybe Siccness909 can get some help.

Best wishes.
 
Junglegreens is right sicness I believe that it is about time that you seek professional help. You have realized you problems and your addiction to drugs and relying on these substances will harm your health mentally, emotionally and most of all, physically. Do you have any other friends you can speak to or family members that can help you out with your problem? There are other hobbies out there as what you have mentioned and happiness should not come from one person alone. It should come from you. Do not shut yourself off from other things that might be of interest to you but instead think more of your long term goals and how to make yourself better.
 
Well the thing is and gonna try to not make this long or take over the thread, is that my family my mom and dad especially has seen my downfall with crystal and I've always been prior REALLY good a hiding my drug use for about 6 years even now after going to rehab I've relapsed twice currently and they still don't know. Basically I'm saying this because when I even think about asking about help they think that IM LYING and that their was no way I was on drugs that long without them knowing for so many years and that the crystal use I got into last year was the ONLY thing that I did regarding drug use ever Lol. So their pretty naive and feel my thoughts about it are just so I can go and lie to get pills prescribed. So its kinda something to do on my own if anything. I've been heavy involved in drug use for years as stated and recently the past 2 years I've hit my worst point. Have relapsed on Crystal (DOC & Most abused for me) 4 times each between rehab sessions within one year. Heavily abuse DXM as well and opiates daily unless I run out of $ then I'm depressed without drugs till I have more. Like I said yes I've become anti social recently and ONLY go out to get drugs and then that's it I go back home. I have close friends but recently just havent talked to them..Like I said without my girl I really just don't care anymore. I used drugs before her to but now since its just gotten a lot worse, ALL my $ also goes to drugs any chance I get. I see myself as a functioning addict overall, can hide it really well on opiates DSM etc. My methuse is hard to hide dUE to pupil dilation etc so I do that away from family. Anyway sorry not trying to take over thread, mods feel free to move etc. Wasn't expecting responses so concerned but none the less thanks guys.

& Definitely... have never once denied that I was an addict. Always knew but never once felt I should stop just cause I didn't want to. I know I'm an addict but I've relapsed and done drugs for so long of my life now (7years and I'm 20 years old now) I just feel like it'll never end at this point..seriously that's how I feel about it. Granted the last 2 times I went to rehab I didn't take it seriously though. I think for my health I should stop, but I don't think I'll be happy? I don't have a source of happiness anymore aside drug use so what would happen when I get out clean but have no other hobbies etc? You know? That's how I feel....I feel like a lost cause for how many times I've relapsed honestly.
 
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If you ever wanna hang out some time and talk to someone, Im also in O town, IE. Im pretty much just a (wannabe) recovering alcoholic, you wouldnt have to worry about any drug temptation. Im trying to kick a bad booze habit and all my friends and family are drunks, hard for me to find a positive retreat when its everywhere around me.

Ive kicked a year or 2 meth stint, I know some of what youre going through... Good luck.
 
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the fight of your life

Dear Young Man a.k.a (siccness). When you do go back into rehab, the encouragement to take it and ultimately yourself seriously is genuine. You will feel rough for a time but you need to expect this and know, fully well, know things will get better. You need to allow your body a chance to heal up. Get those lingering drug effects out of your blood and this will take time. You WILL start feeling better once your truly clean and the inspiration to find a new hobby will naturally happen but you need to be strong, have the courage to fight for your self in every way. You are far too young to be in this situation. You need HELP and if your Family cannot understand, this is up to you man.
I've said it before and I'll say it again; give your body a hand and go buy some 'Milk Thistle' (helps detox the Liver), some 'MotherWort' (soothes the nervous system and calms the heart) and some 'Ginko Biloba' (helps mend brain function and assists in over health, libido n'all). Yes they are herbal ish remedies but tested throughout the ages, these work very well. Like little soldiers helping you in battle because you have a huge decision to make and the time to fight for life is NOW.
Tap into these good people here. Your story strikes a cord many of us have dealt with and you are not alone.
Everything will be alright.:)
 
I spent ten years like that.
for me it was like I was slowly dying.
I was a heroin,later crack addict.
I removed myself to the suburbs on suboxone 3 years ago.
I would occasionally sneak into the city to smoke crack.
I smoked crack last week.after a year with just weed.
I'm, craving so hard.
I have fought so hard to not bottom out.
I'm very destructive .
sorry for rambling.
good luck,OP.
 
Siccness, I know what you're going through, broke up with my girlfriend in March & hit rock bottom.
While I'm defo not a specialist, still struggling sometimes & our problems/substances are different, first thing don't be ashamed of your issues, they're part of you. But don't think too much about them, ok you'll have to sort em out but remember there's a whole world out there, great people & gorgeous girls to meet, and a life to live.
You gotta regain some self confidence. You're really young. Younger than me! Even if you really don't feel like it, force yourself to go out, check out whats going on, go to gigs,etc... you're bound to meet a few people, who might be nice, might be twats, but who'll take your mind off your problems for a little while at least.
Don't think of yourself as just a depressed druggy - these are your problems, not your whole personality. Try pulling some girls, even if you don't really fancy them - I know it sounds dopey and corny as fuck but it worked for me - cos when depressed, getting laid, whoever with, always helps a great deal, good outlet and boost your confidence.
If there's something you're good at, be it music, sport, writing, whatever (not drugging and drinking!), I suggest you do it as often as possible. You're worth a lot more than you think. Find little things that make you happy, like listening to a certain song at a certain time of the day, and try to find out how & why they make you feel that way, so you can find more things to do to make the day a bit more fun to go through.
Sorry if it sounds really basic & not exactly subtle but I've been through the same shit and these tips really helped; suffered from depression & was a hopeless alcoholic since I was 14, and felt pretty much the same as you are feeling now, and thought it could never get better. It does get better. You have no idea how great life can be, you still have so much discover even if you think you've seen it all, believe me. We're all different but give it a go, just to see. I wish you the best of luck man, there'll be better days.
 
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And please before thinking of using anti-depressant, St Johns Wort or other things, try getting better without pills of any sort. Just an advice. You might not actually need them.
 
true enough, goes without saying, ask your doctor first and hope their open minded on herbal alternatives. Of course, as Rogg says, try getting better on your own first but there's nothing wrong with keeping your G.P in the loop.
 
Well thanks everyone for responses, I want to go to rehab and I think I'm gonna go soon. Theirs so many things I could be doing to get my mind off drugs but yet I still don't do them cause I'm just so used to living like this. Not to be hypocritical but I just dosed some MDMA but tonight its different cause this will be the first experience by myself. Hoping I can find the light spiritually within myself to maybe figure some things out.
 
My heart goes out to you, the loss of other half is something I understand and you are hurting and this is when active addiction really takes a hold and becomes such a tough demon to beat. I am in a similar situation and know it is time to stop, or my life is over. You will have to deal with a tough time in kicking, but there is a whole new life awaiting when you do, at 20 you have so many opportunities. I am 36 and feel that I've blown it and wasted so much of my life, don't end up like me, please, take is chance whilst you have it, as longer term, when you get older too, this shit makes you so physically weakened and broken, it is a slow death. It is a battle to get clean but you can do it, just make that decision and your life will change for the better.
 
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