Stress

I have been so stressed.
It was work that stressed me out- now that is actually my escape form my stress.
I'm doing okay at work, I might even make bonus which is exciting!
Most know I am in the process of a divorce, and I don't really talk about it online much......
This month would have been our 9 year anniversary, that hit.
To add to that, this month I am having to do all this court stuff to get the divorce finalized......I've been running around like crazy to get it done.
I was supposed to go to court this morning and I overslept- My mom didn't wake me b/c she knew I had been so exhausted from this last week or two. It has been seriously non stop of stress.
I have to go before work Weds now- then Friday I get my speech b/c I'm representing myself and have to go before the judge- either the 29th or 6th of Oct. Something tells me it'll be Oct 6th......
Anyway, it's all for the best and my ex and I are on great terms and things are fine there- but it's still a strange thing to process. There are a lot of mixed emotions that come with it.
So, besides the divorce, I'm still living with my parents and not saving money. My Savings account has now dwindled to 36 dollars and change. I've had so many unexpected expenses.....
They recently found out they have to move which means, I move too.
Either into a place with them, or into my own place.
I am completely unprepared financially.
We've been looking at houses with separate living quarters for me.
IF that happens, it'll be alright- I'll just pay my parents rent.......
I'm worried I'll never get married again, yes, I know, I'm getting a divorce and shouldn't even be thinking about it- but I do.
I want to be married and have kids- but can't imagine that actually happening. The thought of having someone know me and all the details of my life is weird. Having to re-open myself to someone sounds fun, but sounds awful at the same time.
I've been depressed and worried that I'm going to start sucking at my job......I guess b/c right now it's the only thing going okay and I'm just waiting for it to fall beneath my feet......
Egh. Enough whining. I just needed to write it out.



....we walk the plank with our eyes wide open.....

 

Yeah, a lot is going on with you right now but that'll pass. Ebbs and flows (just like your screen name implies).

You've pushed through a lot of significant challenges and have come out unscathed. These new ones should be cheese cake to you!

I'm guessing that the expectations you put on yourself and the high standards you hold are key contributors to your current stress. You're doing way better than many would be able to do but it seems like it isn't good enough for you. Man... it certainly should be because you are kicking ass in all areas.

Marriage? You have a bazillion qualities that are, in and of themselves, definitely sought after in a mate so... yeah... you will be enjoying a committed relationship at some point. No need to rush something that will most certainly happen anyway :D

 

Ocean, this is obviously a really trying time hun and one of alot of change Please go easy on yourself, like you said you know loads of things are coming up emotionally and between the divorce stuff and your parents move, I'd imagine that you are just having a sense of ungroundedness atm. it is just will take time to process them and you will.
I cant think of anything else to say that you dont already know but dont let your sense of defeat atm become your defeat, ya know? It is good to get these things out and it makes complete sense.
Marriage, in itself, scares the shit out of me TBPH so am not going to addresse it here, as I'd be a flaming hypocrite.
However, you seem to be a beautiful, intelligent, sensitive and seriously, strong woman Ocean-Dont forget that!

 

I can't address a lot of this, as I've not been in that sort of place, but all I can say is that it is perfectly normal to feel like you'll never get back to where you were, when you're ending something as big as a marriage. Have those thoughts, feel those emotions, but know that they are not accurate predictors, and will pass once the stress of dealing with the formality has ended.

You're a strong lady, and in time this will be remembered as that time that you got even stronger.

 

Thanks guys

 

Ocean, i'm so sorry--I did not know that you were dealing with a divorce--that's hard. Just remember that ending a marriage when it isn't working is not failure, it's change. Change is scary and stressful so it isn't at all whiny to talk about those feelings. It sounds like a good strategy for getting through all the official court stuff to really pour yourself into your work. I hope this week treats you well.

 

This too shall pass...everything does.Both comforting and sad,isn't it?...but most definitely true. Hang in there and know that everything will be alright. I'm 35 and had to move back in w/ my parents,too so I feel you BIG TIME on that one. as for the rest of your stress...sometimes you have to say fuck the world and take some time away from it all and breathe. Take some time off for yourself-if only for a couple days or an hour or less. You deserve it.
"Without struggle there is no progress." ~Frederick Douglass