4/17/2009
So we go back to her place, I end up buying one shot only for $8, but there was no baggie to put it in 4 me 2 do later. I did it there, came home and crashed shortly afterwards anyway. “Girl, I’ve had a little too much fun, my finances are too low. I CANNOT do this shit anymore until May,” I said. “I understand, but it’s always around if you need a break,” she said. What I need is a break from the meth. No more. So, I was surprised to hear from her the next day telling me I MUST go down there and meet the connect who has some REAL good shit. Don got on the phone, “This stuff is awesome.” “I’ve already spent too much money on the shit,” I said. I could hear him chuckle. Goddamn it. All right one more $20 bag if it’s good. Aimee made good on her promise and gave me a direct hook up with her guy who did have some good shit. Because I’d helped them out one way or another financially, probably totaling $70 in the last 2-3 wks, they offered a couple times to get me high for free, meaning heroin. I told them thanks, but I’d stick with the meth. Well since they didn’t have their own stash of meth, they hooked me up, which was cool, in fact better because when I’m down there and I’m high, I tend to help them out more than I should and I told them it had to stop.
They get free rent, and as Aimee explained to me she’s never had to pay a bill in her life. Her mother and grandmother saw to that, but that handicapped her. She’s never had her own place, all her shits been taken care of for her. Of course, there is a flip side to that. I’ve seen first hand how controlling her mother and grandmother are. I love Linda to death, she’s my friend too, but she can be a giant pain in the ass as the garage is Aimee and Don’s room, but Linda brings her tweeker friends to party in the garage whether Aimee wants them or not. In other words, practically no privacy at all. And as much fun as the party pad is, both of their stuff is ALWAYS getting ripped off. “Girl, there is NO fuckin way I could handle that. Hell this isn’t even my place and it pisses me off, these assholes invading your territory stealing your stuff, fuck that, I’d be gone.” She can’t lock the garage because it’s not her house and she doesn’t pay rent. Linda has her own room. She can take these unwanted intruders in HER room, I said. Linda doesn’t want to do that because her own mother barges in constantly, and there are 2 doors to her bedroom, neither of them even close all the way. I have always required a great deal of privacy, so there is no way in hell that would work for me.
But, the matriarch of the house does not see any need for anyone to have privacy, therefore barges in along with the rest of the world whenever they feel like it. Whoa! Hell even in my heaviest meth shootin days, only a select group of fiends were allowed in my apartment and if I didn’t want company I didn’t answer the door. I kept my stash and my valuables in the master bedroom only, my room, no one went in there without me present, if at all. I can’t even begin to imagine the bullshit Aimee and Linda go through. Linda wants to let all the homeless tweekers and dope fiends come over all the time, even though she gets ripped off constantly. She’s not all quite there. Her brain has been fried from numerous years of either alcohol or meth abuse and she’s 64. So, Thursday morning, I left the drug den, told my friends, “Do NOT call me to buy any more shit guys. I’m broke. I’m done. And I do NOT need another damn habit once again to support, ok? If I don’t cut this shit off now until my vacation, I’m totally fucked. I’m heading home, gonna chill out, my muscles are sore, but talk soon ok?,” “Ok, take care, feel better, Tanya.” Aimee came over gave me a big old hug and kiss. They knew what I meant. Give me another week doin this shit every day, then I might as well kiss my career, my car, my home goodbye and go back to the joyful existence of being broke on the street, running from cops, Christ FUCK NO!
Aimee is without a doubt the most fun girlfriend I’ve ever had and I was touched when she referred to me as her best friend more than a few times. I haven’t had too many girl friends that stuck around after getting married, having kids, or all the other shit that most women do, unlike myself. I’ve always been single, never did the baby thing. Came close to marriage twice, but most of my peers have had a couple divorces and or kids by now and that whole Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blue Normal was never my gig. Obviously if I ever did marry, it would have to be a most unconventional marriage and I don’t see anyone I might ever be married to, except for maybe Erik. Erik, like myself is unconventional as well, otherwise our relationship wouldn’t have worked. We have an unconventional thing/had from the get go. It was sweet of Aimee to offer to let us shack up at her place, that would save us from spending all that money on a motel. “Why spend money on a motel when you could spend it on drugs?,” she asked. She has got a definite point. Still, we can play it by ear, however guaranteed there is no privacy whatsoever at her place, even for her. I would like Erik to myself for one day if he doesn’t object, which I doubt. Like me, he tends to prefer company one on one, at least that’s how it was when we were in the apartment.
My friend John saw me on line and asked to see me on cam. “Damn it!,” I thought to myself. “Ohhh John I don’t have any make up on,” I said. “You look pretty naturally. But I don’t want you lookin at my stomach, I thought. Christ here we go. I don’t like that the camera makes you appear 12% heavier than you really are, so I’m like, ohhhhh all right, saying it as a groan. All my friends are going to find out eventually anyway, so (grumble grumble grumble) let’s get this over with. “I think you're hot!,” he said. I laughed out loud and shook my head. “Hey you have a nice ass!” What 2 times in one day, you’ve got to be kidding. “It’s well padded as you can see,” I said. “I don’t like stick insect women. A woman should look like a woman with curves, tits and ass.” “You’ve come to the right woman cause I got plenty of all that and then some,” I said. A wee bit more stomach than I’d like to be sure, BUTT hey I’ve got what I’ve got and I feel like I’ve finally accepted that this is what I’ve got so practice liking it. That’s 8 people that have given me compliments ever since my attitude adjustment, and dressing differently, overweight or not, so there it is.
Aimee wanted me to try on a sexy black bra that looked a couple sizes 2 small for me, so I removed one of my massive tits, then the other, no longer producing milk as I saw Aimee’s did. In my late teens to mid twenties, I’d constantly be playing with my nipples when no one was around, and eventually little drops of milk started coming out. Getting them sucked on a lot or played with manually apparently produced milk sometimes. My milk dried up when I lost interest in sex in my late 20’s in favor of drugs, but I was curious as to how her milk would taste. She squeezed one nipple, a big old drop came out. “Do you mind if I try?,” I asked. “No go right ahead,” she said. Slightly salty, watery, but not unpleasant taste kind of like my own tasted years ago. She squeezed the other nipple and expressed another large drop for me to taste. “So why do you have milk? Is Don always sucking your tits or something?,” I asked. “No, I’ve had milk ever since Cody was born.” That was 17 years ago. I kind of wish I’d produce milk again. The cyber sex with the X/meth really somehow reawakened my sexuality with a vengeance. Erik please don’t be upset with me? I haven’t had any dick in 8 years, this is driving me NUTS!! I’d forgotten how intensely pleasurable sex can be either masturbation or cyber, and arousal by cyber sex is simply being turned on by someone else’s mind. I need to have someone other than my own to be turned on by to help me relieve this sexual tension.
So we go back to her place, I end up buying one shot only for $8, but there was no baggie to put it in 4 me 2 do later. I did it there, came home and crashed shortly afterwards anyway. “Girl, I’ve had a little too much fun, my finances are too low. I CANNOT do this shit anymore until May,” I said. “I understand, but it’s always around if you need a break,” she said. What I need is a break from the meth. No more. So, I was surprised to hear from her the next day telling me I MUST go down there and meet the connect who has some REAL good shit. Don got on the phone, “This stuff is awesome.” “I’ve already spent too much money on the shit,” I said. I could hear him chuckle. Goddamn it. All right one more $20 bag if it’s good. Aimee made good on her promise and gave me a direct hook up with her guy who did have some good shit. Because I’d helped them out one way or another financially, probably totaling $70 in the last 2-3 wks, they offered a couple times to get me high for free, meaning heroin. I told them thanks, but I’d stick with the meth. Well since they didn’t have their own stash of meth, they hooked me up, which was cool, in fact better because when I’m down there and I’m high, I tend to help them out more than I should and I told them it had to stop.
They get free rent, and as Aimee explained to me she’s never had to pay a bill in her life. Her mother and grandmother saw to that, but that handicapped her. She’s never had her own place, all her shits been taken care of for her. Of course, there is a flip side to that. I’ve seen first hand how controlling her mother and grandmother are. I love Linda to death, she’s my friend too, but she can be a giant pain in the ass as the garage is Aimee and Don’s room, but Linda brings her tweeker friends to party in the garage whether Aimee wants them or not. In other words, practically no privacy at all. And as much fun as the party pad is, both of their stuff is ALWAYS getting ripped off. “Girl, there is NO fuckin way I could handle that. Hell this isn’t even my place and it pisses me off, these assholes invading your territory stealing your stuff, fuck that, I’d be gone.” She can’t lock the garage because it’s not her house and she doesn’t pay rent. Linda has her own room. She can take these unwanted intruders in HER room, I said. Linda doesn’t want to do that because her own mother barges in constantly, and there are 2 doors to her bedroom, neither of them even close all the way. I have always required a great deal of privacy, so there is no way in hell that would work for me.
But, the matriarch of the house does not see any need for anyone to have privacy, therefore barges in along with the rest of the world whenever they feel like it. Whoa! Hell even in my heaviest meth shootin days, only a select group of fiends were allowed in my apartment and if I didn’t want company I didn’t answer the door. I kept my stash and my valuables in the master bedroom only, my room, no one went in there without me present, if at all. I can’t even begin to imagine the bullshit Aimee and Linda go through. Linda wants to let all the homeless tweekers and dope fiends come over all the time, even though she gets ripped off constantly. She’s not all quite there. Her brain has been fried from numerous years of either alcohol or meth abuse and she’s 64. So, Thursday morning, I left the drug den, told my friends, “Do NOT call me to buy any more shit guys. I’m broke. I’m done. And I do NOT need another damn habit once again to support, ok? If I don’t cut this shit off now until my vacation, I’m totally fucked. I’m heading home, gonna chill out, my muscles are sore, but talk soon ok?,” “Ok, take care, feel better, Tanya.” Aimee came over gave me a big old hug and kiss. They knew what I meant. Give me another week doin this shit every day, then I might as well kiss my career, my car, my home goodbye and go back to the joyful existence of being broke on the street, running from cops, Christ FUCK NO!
Aimee is without a doubt the most fun girlfriend I’ve ever had and I was touched when she referred to me as her best friend more than a few times. I haven’t had too many girl friends that stuck around after getting married, having kids, or all the other shit that most women do, unlike myself. I’ve always been single, never did the baby thing. Came close to marriage twice, but most of my peers have had a couple divorces and or kids by now and that whole Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blue Normal was never my gig. Obviously if I ever did marry, it would have to be a most unconventional marriage and I don’t see anyone I might ever be married to, except for maybe Erik. Erik, like myself is unconventional as well, otherwise our relationship wouldn’t have worked. We have an unconventional thing/had from the get go. It was sweet of Aimee to offer to let us shack up at her place, that would save us from spending all that money on a motel. “Why spend money on a motel when you could spend it on drugs?,” she asked. She has got a definite point. Still, we can play it by ear, however guaranteed there is no privacy whatsoever at her place, even for her. I would like Erik to myself for one day if he doesn’t object, which I doubt. Like me, he tends to prefer company one on one, at least that’s how it was when we were in the apartment.
My friend John saw me on line and asked to see me on cam. “Damn it!,” I thought to myself. “Ohhh John I don’t have any make up on,” I said. “You look pretty naturally. But I don’t want you lookin at my stomach, I thought. Christ here we go. I don’t like that the camera makes you appear 12% heavier than you really are, so I’m like, ohhhhh all right, saying it as a groan. All my friends are going to find out eventually anyway, so (grumble grumble grumble) let’s get this over with. “I think you're hot!,” he said. I laughed out loud and shook my head. “Hey you have a nice ass!” What 2 times in one day, you’ve got to be kidding. “It’s well padded as you can see,” I said. “I don’t like stick insect women. A woman should look like a woman with curves, tits and ass.” “You’ve come to the right woman cause I got plenty of all that and then some,” I said. A wee bit more stomach than I’d like to be sure, BUTT hey I’ve got what I’ve got and I feel like I’ve finally accepted that this is what I’ve got so practice liking it. That’s 8 people that have given me compliments ever since my attitude adjustment, and dressing differently, overweight or not, so there it is.
Aimee wanted me to try on a sexy black bra that looked a couple sizes 2 small for me, so I removed one of my massive tits, then the other, no longer producing milk as I saw Aimee’s did. In my late teens to mid twenties, I’d constantly be playing with my nipples when no one was around, and eventually little drops of milk started coming out. Getting them sucked on a lot or played with manually apparently produced milk sometimes. My milk dried up when I lost interest in sex in my late 20’s in favor of drugs, but I was curious as to how her milk would taste. She squeezed one nipple, a big old drop came out. “Do you mind if I try?,” I asked. “No go right ahead,” she said. Slightly salty, watery, but not unpleasant taste kind of like my own tasted years ago. She squeezed the other nipple and expressed another large drop for me to taste. “So why do you have milk? Is Don always sucking your tits or something?,” I asked. “No, I’ve had milk ever since Cody was born.” That was 17 years ago. I kind of wish I’d produce milk again. The cyber sex with the X/meth really somehow reawakened my sexuality with a vengeance. Erik please don’t be upset with me? I haven’t had any dick in 8 years, this is driving me NUTS!! I’d forgotten how intensely pleasurable sex can be either masturbation or cyber, and arousal by cyber sex is simply being turned on by someone else’s mind. I need to have someone other than my own to be turned on by to help me relieve this sexual tension.