Venting Strange situation (Related to sperm)

[Didgital]

This is a vent by the way not sure if advice or words can help.
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A few days before thanksgiving i look at my phone and there's a text from this girl Ive known for 20 years. Basically reads as "God/Source told me i need to prepare my body for my last baby, I want you to be my sperm donor"

Naturally I was flattered, i fired off a flirty text (lets do this in person yadah yaday). Everything was good.

A few days after thanksgiving we finally both have time for phone call. We were both driving back from our respective holiday gatherings and both probably tired.

*** back story that is probably relevant, is I'd been watching my roommates dog while he was out of state. She is a big rottweiler that is so full of love, so full of energy and a total fucking pain in the ass for a variety of reasons. regardless, i took her everywhere this week even despite the added stress. I love this dog no matter what. I've been asked to leave a dog bar when my dog was sitting well behaved next to me, while other dogs would growl at it from 10ft away. So I get it. She's big and scary looking, and makes almost anything that doesn't know her, uncomftorable. So I been dealing with that all and other similar situations all week.

Me and girl get to talking. Past relationships come up. As I said, I've known her for close to 20 years and we have talked about some of the deepest darkest topics without much problem. I've known every single one of her boyfriends on a personal level and I specifically disliked her most recent one because he would say snobby shit like "I'm an empath, I feel emotions more deeply than other people"

blah blah ok dude, maybe get a job and not manipulate my friend.

My first mistake, was pointing out to her that all of her previous men have been "fixer uppers" at best and I ask her why that is etc. It's amazing but thing's didn't blow up here. We kinda danced around the issue, but I couldn't help myself and I pointed out that in the case of her most recent boyfriend, she really changed her life. She literally sold her dream house, she moved out of state, and she put her dog up for adoption because her dude never got along with it. She had it since it was a puppy (7 years). I admit that this dog has social/anxiety issues.

I said something like "it doesn't really speak much to your loyalty or commitment when you abandon a dog that thinks you're the world over a guy that (predictably) ended up being mentally/physically abusive."

This is where she would normally hang up on me. Rather, she gave me reasons/logic why she put the dog up. So the conversation was still salvageable until I told her that I think that was totally fucked up and there's no real good way to rationalize getting rid of the dog

This is where she hung up on me. In a flash of anger/annoyance, I told her to stop running from uncomfortable things and find someone else as a donor. Def harsh I know.

Not the first time she's hung up on me. The difference is she's blocked me from calling/texting her. She's never done that. I still am connected with her on various social media but I know reaching out to her before she's ready will just make it worse.

I know my only course of action is to be patient and hope that she reaches out to me. Knowing her, that could be months, years, or even never.

I could have worded it better I am just surprised and very sad that I may have destroyed one of my longest lasting relationships over expressing my feelings. My feelings haven't changed, and I don't think they will.

Vent over. Happy to move if there is a specific vent thread.

 

[chippermonk]

Well, I gotta agree, getting rid of her dog of 7 years is awful. Says a lot about someone's character, though the big issue in it does seem like she has no real strong sense of self, rather than overt cruelty. ( though it feels cruel and thoughtless to me) Bad taste in men, like you say, but also a weak character.
I hate to bring it up, but why would you even want to have a child with someone like that? Be friends with her, sure, that's fine. People aren't perfect, none of us are. But having a child with someone is a way way bigger deal. Trust is important. I mean being a sperm donor isn't being a parent necessarily. I'm an intentional sperm donor without being Dad, in the sense that I didn't do the parenting for my daughter. She knows me well but I didn't raise her. I did it as a favor to some friends who needed my help. But I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't trusted them to be good parents.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding your situation. And I'm sorry that you went through this. Seems like you were really looking forward to doing it, at least at first. It sounds to me like your conversation with her came up because you were wrestling with what it would mean to have this new relationship with her and a prospective child. That's healthy. Maybe you were a little bit brusque with her but you were also communicating honestly, and that's good.
I hope you don't lose a longstanding friendship over this.

 

[paltatomate]

to be patient and hope that she reaches out to me

why would you want to do that?
the whole situation seemed doomed to me from the moment you "quoted" her message.

I could have worded it better I am just surprised and very sad that I may have destroyed one of my longest lasting relationships over expressing my feelings. My feelings haven't changed, and I don't think they will.

if you think you want to change the way you react to a similar situation the next time, then learn from this time, and then be done with the whole situation. if you are of any worth as a person with his won ideas and opinions to that girl, she will get back to you. if not, then your loss is not that great and it's a good thing you could clear that up before donating your sperm to someone who gives away a dog of 7 years because of some dude.

 

[kiely]

You sound like a really good person and that is always doing your best to try.

I am sorry about how your friend treated you and then turned around and went

back to someone else. Well minus the dog.


I am sorry that you were left questioning your reality. And ultimately questioning

your worth. Did you actually matter. Or were you a value to this person.


I am so glad that she won't be able to have that connection with you by manipulating

and hooking you with a child. And then cause more trauma in life by being hurtful to

others.


I would just hope the child would be able to live without hurt and be able to have a

healthy, and unmanipulated life though, somehow. It doesn't feel like it !



It just seems like she made you feel bad about yourself again.

Don't let her make you feel unworthy because you are a good person in fact and

are very much worthy.


Don't feel bad over her bad behavior and I am sorry that she hung up on you.

I think a child's life should be important too and shouldn't have

to start out in disruption from toxic and negative games maybe !!!


Sorry. That whole thing was really awful. Even the dog. Not everyone acts like her.

I would hope. Sounds like you were the best thing ever ... until she went crazy.

Yes, she might be back again. When she feels like it. That was just sad. It was

really sad. It's not a very good look anyway. Just so sorry again.



I hope you feel better. Sounds like she went back to her other soul mate now.

And I do hope that you feel better than that. I read this a couple days ago and

just wanted to start commenting but I did want to leave this comment as well.



Thanks for listening. Alright. Take Care and I know that you deserve better than

that at least. Also it sounds like she is not quite as good at manipulating and controlling

as her partner right now is.



I really didn't mean to make such a long comment. But, you Take Care !

You are good enough and your child should deserve to be as well because I wouldn't

wish that kind of manipulation and control towards anyone, especially on an innocent.



Oh I am so glad that you made the healthy and best decision !!! Thank you.

Omg. You shouldn't have to be subservient to her or them or each other like that.



It just seemed a little excessive for her to lash out like that. lol. So bad. Looks like

she is always going to be looking for something better. You can't fix her if she doesn't

want to fix herself. Please be safe and healthy. Careful at least.


Don't let people hurt you while they hurt everyone around them in relationships like that.

And the dog. I would have tried to find any way possible and some different way to not

have had to hurt the dog too. The problems that she is dealing with might be coming

from herself. duh. that was mean. And it seems like she needs to stop placing her

problems on someone else.


Okay I am done now. Again. Take Care please. In the moment

you provided something for her but she moved on fast to find something else. It really does

sound like she is not being honest and just manipulating instead. Everyone needs to be

accountable and stop being punished. The dog was just another victim.


But I appreciated being able to post with my long comment. The whole situation just seemed

so hurtful so I just had to. She is just trying to avoid accountability also. She needs the

same feedback every time. It seems that she couldn't manipulate you. I'm glad.

( right, my rant over now too ) good day.