Stopped Using all Mental Illness related meds, advice?

[dbaybay]

Hi there. This will be my first thread in the Dark Side forum, so I apologize in advance if this has been discussed in the past (I tried searching but didn't have much luck with the keywords).

I am currently prescribed Depakote 2500MG a day and Ambien 20MG at night. This is after a slew of drugs (nearly two dozen in two years). When I first sought treatment for my depression and social issues, I didn't realize that I had any major problems. Then I was diagnosed with everything under the moon - bipolar I w/o psychosis, severe social phobia, PTSD, borderline personality disorder and a few more I'm probably missing that have fallen in the wind. It really scared me the first few months as I started seeing a therapist and a medication prescriber, along with my doctor and they all had differing opinions. For instance, I was originally diagnosed with the bipolar, but was later told by my therapist that I was not bipolar in her opinion, but had borderline personality disorder. So I was being treated for bipolar medically and BDP therapeutically. They didn't communicate at all and it made it really difficult. So I just went along with everything, all the mood stabilizers, SSRI's, anxiety meds, god. They just never stopped.

The kicker however is life has been getting worse. The only time I will leave my house is to see my doctors or to get weed. I have no social relationships with anyone except my best friend who I live with who really is my caregiver and my mother. I cut off my friends entirely and isolated myself so far at this point, I just don't feel like I can crawl out. I also feel that these meds are NOT helping with stabilizing my moods or anything - I'm still up and down, all over and consistently unsatisfied with life. I also feel like they are severely dumbing me down. I'm sure many will also attribute that to weed smoking, which does deserve it's cut of the problem, but that's I choice I make because it's the only thing I've found that helps with my depression, sleeping and eating problems.

So to get to the point of this thread, 5 days ago I quit Depakote cold turkey. The first day or two seemed about normal, but I'm in overdrive mania at the moment. I haven't slept in three days and am out of weed until the morning - so I'm really feeling stretched at the moment. I feel ALIVE, which is a welcomed change - but I do know that mania has gotten me in trouble before and not sleeping this long is absolutely detrimental to my body. And boy are the sleeping pills they have a total fucking joke or what? I know some, including my mother who takes the same exact dosage of Ambien, swear by sleeping meds - but to me they are nothing more than placebos. I took 90MG of Ambien last night, trying to get myself to sleep - I didn't. Instead, I was hot as hell and sweating all night, trembling worse than usual and just really agitated and discontent.

So I've sworn off Ambien at this point as well - all of them except the Inderol which I actually know works. Before being put on Inderol, my heart would race between 160-170 bpm (documented when I was hospitalized, to me it felt like it was going to explode from my chest). Once my heart would get racing, my entire body would go into tremors. I would shake like a god damn leaf and the combination of that and my heart would send me into full blown panic attacks. I would cry for hours and hours and could not control it. These panic attacks were crippling me and I ended up in the hospital from them (my grandfather was really concerned as it's obviously not normal behavior). But once I was checked in, they gave me this stupid little Inderol and it was a GOD SEND. My heart rate dropped, I stopped shaking and stopped having panic attacks everyday and instead have them maybe 1-2 times a month now.

So while that's been great, the depression, severe mood fluctuation, sleeping and social have yet to change. They've only continued to get worse and worse as time goes by - even under the care of all these doctors and psychotherapists who are supposed to be experts.

So I guess what I'm looking for is some advice. I know from research that a lot of bipolar people feel they are in a good enough place to stop taking there meds and it's quite common from what I understand. However, my situation is different because I want to stop taking them because they're NOT working and I feel like they are making me a total zombie. At this point I'd rather have my moods all over and be in perma-manic-mode, because these meds just simply are not working and at least this way I feel alive and want to move and get up and breath.

Has anyone else with bipolar disorder, depression, sleeping issues, et al stopped using "prescribed" meds and found an alternative to dealing with the issues at hand? I'm not saying just drugs either, anything would be helpful advice at this point and I'm open to trying anything once, especially if it will help alleviate this lonely, depressing and isolating life I lead.

 

[abracadabra girl]

Are you still in therapy? That can help a lot, with or without meds.

 

[dbaybay]

Yes and thank god for that. I just started with this new therapist around three months ago after I moved and we get along great. However, therapists, at least in my experiences, are extremely condescending and never actually offer advice - they just listen. I am hoping to get some advice from real people dealing with similar problems at BL.

 

[abracadabra girl]

Every therapist has their own approach. But I think the best ones don't offer advice, and they also don't just sit and listen. They teach you the tools to solve your own problems.

 

[AfterGlow]

The kicker however is life has been getting worse. The only time I will leave my house is to see my doctors or to get weed.

I stopped reading when I got to that. After enjoying weed in my early days, it now just makes me paranoid and psychotic. The weed might be contributing to your problem.

I've been on a variety of mood stabilizers and, while they helped to some degree, I find that I feel MUCH better now by exercising regularly and vigorously, eating well, maintaining a regular schedule of activities to keep me busy and productive, and sleeping on a regular schedule.

If you've given the meds a chance and you find they are not helping, why not give good healthy living a try? Keep seeing a doctor to make sure you're getting the objective view of a professional. But you know when something is working and when it isn't.

 

[panic in paradise]

you really need to be seeing a med-professional, a therapist, and a psych at least several times to review you for any possible side-effects that might be occurring from stopping the drugs alone; physical symptoms, slight telling idiosyncrasies.

as with pain medication, there is a rebound, or slap-back of symptoms which are exaggerated when left "un inhibited" for a period of time.


people coming off their meds this way, is often a tragic bad bad thing, that can easily be avoided - normally id bet 79% of the time, people just arent aware that because they are on a run of good days they can stop, or for w/e reason they stop not understanding because the prescriber didnt explain or know them selves the capabilities and/or likeliness of these meds going bad, and there long-term alteration of our minds.
there is a lot to be considered, i hope you stay in touch here, but you really must see a doctor to handle this part of your life the smartest ways available.

 

[paranoid android]

You rreally should taper off the depakote because although the risk is small tapering off any strong anti-convylsant can raise the risk of you having a seizure. It also raises the risk of going manic which has already happened.

 

[bagochina]

When I first sought treatment for my depression and social issues, I didn't realize that I had any major problems. Then I was diagnosed with everything under the moon - bipolar I w/o psychosis, severe social phobia, PTSD, borderline personality disorder and a few more I'm probably missing that have fallen in the wind. It really scared me the first few months as I started seeing a therapist and a medication prescriber, along with my doctor and they all had differing opinions.

Interesting. I agree that meds are WAY to overscripted these days. I'll be honest when I see posts like these my initial gut reaction is, pfft there is nothing wrong just another case of meds treating very common human feelings. That is the problem though too many times the meds end up doing more harm than good. Just curious how old are you?

 

[h.a.]

While trying different med combinations for my own bp1/anxiety issues, I found that lamotrigine (lamictal) to be a potentially satisfying replacement for depakote as it has fewer problematic side effects and seemed to help the anxiety rather than simply flattening affect. It may be something to look into with your doctor.
It's a good sign that you are maintaining awareness of and keeping track of how things influence your perceptions and behaviors. Definitely keep in contact with your doctor(s).
Best of luck,
h.a.

 

[sandman_i_am]

I have bipolar disorder and I have read a great deal about the condition. I have also been in treatment for over a decade and have learned quite a bit through my own treatment process. All medications will come with side effects. Those side effects will go away after you have been on the medications for long enough. Most medications can take up to two months before they even begin to start working to treat your symptoms. Some kick in sooner. If the side effects don't go away, you need to speak with your doctor about altering the doses of your medications. It isn't safe to abruptly discontinue your medications. You could suffer some serious health-related issues and your mental health could be jeopardized.

As for a lot of bipolar people feeling "fine" and going off of their meds, they do that because they're foolish. Bipolar disorder needs to be treated with medications; there is no other way to properly treat the underlying causes of the disorder. Bipolar disorder is a life-long condition. You will need medications for the rest of your life. During mania, a person with bipolar disorder feels fine, perfect, or better than he's ever felt in his life, because he can't see how bad his symptoms and behaviors are.

I recommend reading "The Bipolar Handbook" by Wes Burgess. Google Books has a lengthy preview of the book free online here: http://books.google.com/books?id=27...&resnum=1&ved=0CDwQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

Smoking weed is only going to cause you more problems if you have mental health issues. Marijuana tends to exacerbate symptoms of mental illness and it usually triggers severe mania in people who have bipolar disorder. Weed did this to me, which is why I don't mess around with drugs anymore unless they are the psychiatric medications that are prescribed to me. I have seen weed do this to so many bipolar people over the years that I couldn't begin to count on both hands how many people I've seen it ruin.

If you are having issues with your medications please talk to your psychiatrist about this so you can get proper treatment from someone who is qualified. Your therapist and psychiatrist should be in close contact with one another so you can actually benefit from your treatment. Maybe your psychiatrist can refer you to another therapist that he can work closely with. Also, you should be on as few medications as are necessary to help you. If you are on a cocktail of meds and you don't feel they are helping, complain to your psychiatrist or find a new one.

Please contact your psychiatrist and therapist and listen to what they tell you. The longer you stay off of your medications the worse things will get for you. The longer your disorder goes untreated the more treatment-resistant it can become and the worse your symptoms can become.

Also, you know that you could die from taking too much Ambien, right? I almost did, myself. Don't mess around with the doses of your medications or how you take them. Take your medications as prescribed. If your usual dose of Ambien doesn't work, don't take any more of it and speak to your psychiatrist. Like I said, if the side effects are too much your psychiatrist can safely tweak your meds and dosage. The goal is to keep you as well as possible without making you suffer through side effects.

Taking care of a mental health issue properly requires a lot of responsibility on your part. Just saying "fuck this" and quitting all of your meds can be a recipe for disaster. Do you want to try to get better or do you want to set yourself up for failure?

I hope you feel better, but you need to work with your psychiatrist and therapist if you want that to happen. I fucked up many times over, myself, and I am speaking from experience. You don't want to go through the same shit that I made myself go through, and it sounds like you might end up going through the same shit pretty soon if you keep this up. It isn't worth it, man. Things can get better, but it doesn't happen over night.

 

[paranoid android]

While trying different med combinations for my own bp1/anxiety issues, I found that lamotrigine (lamictal) to be a potentially satisfying replacement for depakote as it has fewer problematic side effects and seemed to help the anxiety rather than simply flattening affect. It may be something to look into with your doctor.

When i was diagnosed bipolar i was put on depakote (called epival here) along with seroquel which i was already taking. The epival didnt seem to help at all and i think might have made my depression worse. Perhaps i just wasent on high enough of a dose for it to help the mania, mixed states and rapid cycling that i get. After my first shrink got rid of me and after i finally got a new one i was put on lamotrigine and it worked wonders. It took months for me to get to the right dose but when i did it made life a hell of alot easier. I have also gotten so side effects at all from the lamotrigine. It's probably the only med im on that gives me no side effects.

No one drug controls my bipolar completely though hence the combo of lamotrigine, a anti-psychotic (risperidone now) and wellbutrin. The clonazepam i take for anxiety but it also helps the manic and mixed episodes abit. I have bipolar NOS and i sometimes get psychotic symptoms so i doubt lamotrigine will ever cover the problem completely.