manifesting - readily perceived by the eye or the understanding; evident; obvious; apparent; plain
(source: dictionary.com [web version])
What is the specific way in which my addiction has been manifesting itself most recently?
02/04/10 11:52 PM
My first thought on this is concerning exercise. When I don't do any exercise (pull-ups in particular) on any given day or if I don't do as much as I think I can due to laziness, I start to beat myself up. I say in my head 'You want physical results but you aren't fucking working for them'. I stress over not achieving my potential.
I'm looking over my apartment and I am also seeing definite signs of unmanageability. Essentially, my place is a mess. It isn't dirty but it is very cluttered (clothes all over the floor, cleaning products not put away, books and papers scattered on tables, empty cigarette packs laying around).
I mean, c'mon man, I'm not working and my apartment is small. Whats so hard about picking up after myself, dusting or running the vacuum on occasion?
I tune out at meetings more often lately. Its not a matter of being cocky (or is it?). I tend to tune out when I start judging the particular person who is sharing so I either read my Basic Text or browse through my phone. This was unheard of for me in the first 4.5 months. I listened to every fuckin' word then.
I'm guessing that this question is asking if I'm replacing my drug use with other things such as shopping, eating, gambling, sex, etc. I can honestly say that I am not replacing the drugs with any of these aforementioned things and I can't really clearly see anything else I may be substituting.
02/05/10 12:32 AM
Okay, fuck it... there is another thing that is evident concerning my behavior. On occasion I've been 'taking care of myself' to Internet porn. Not frequently but, the thing is, I haven't used porn since my addiction.
I typically avoid masturbation but, well, sometimes its necessary. I could have sex if I wanted to but I don't want to use anyone for that purpose for the fact that misleading emotions might get involved and I have no interest in hurting anyone.
My sex drive is usually rather high and I think my high protein diet combined with my (mostly) daily exercise routine may be making it even higher.
It just kind of makes me raise an eyebrow since I haven't used porn since my using days.
Yes, I am a little embarrassed talking about this but I need to be honest regardless of potential embarrassment.
(source: dictionary.com [web version])
What is the specific way in which my addiction has been manifesting itself most recently?
02/04/10 11:52 PM
My first thought on this is concerning exercise. When I don't do any exercise (pull-ups in particular) on any given day or if I don't do as much as I think I can due to laziness, I start to beat myself up. I say in my head 'You want physical results but you aren't fucking working for them'. I stress over not achieving my potential.
I'm looking over my apartment and I am also seeing definite signs of unmanageability. Essentially, my place is a mess. It isn't dirty but it is very cluttered (clothes all over the floor, cleaning products not put away, books and papers scattered on tables, empty cigarette packs laying around).
I mean, c'mon man, I'm not working and my apartment is small. Whats so hard about picking up after myself, dusting or running the vacuum on occasion?
I tune out at meetings more often lately. Its not a matter of being cocky (or is it?). I tend to tune out when I start judging the particular person who is sharing so I either read my Basic Text or browse through my phone. This was unheard of for me in the first 4.5 months. I listened to every fuckin' word then.
I'm guessing that this question is asking if I'm replacing my drug use with other things such as shopping, eating, gambling, sex, etc. I can honestly say that I am not replacing the drugs with any of these aforementioned things and I can't really clearly see anything else I may be substituting.
02/05/10 12:32 AM
Okay, fuck it... there is another thing that is evident concerning my behavior. On occasion I've been 'taking care of myself' to Internet porn. Not frequently but, the thing is, I haven't used porn since my addiction.
I typically avoid masturbation but, well, sometimes its necessary. I could have sex if I wanted to but I don't want to use anyone for that purpose for the fact that misleading emotions might get involved and I have no interest in hurting anyone.
My sex drive is usually rather high and I think my high protein diet combined with my (mostly) daily exercise routine may be making it even higher.
It just kind of makes me raise an eyebrow since I haven't used porn since my using days.
Yes, I am a little embarrassed talking about this but I need to be honest regardless of potential embarrassment.