Starting now I'm making the decision to go clean, what should I expect?

[AvenaSativa]

I deserve better and my people deserve better. I haven't lived soberly in 7 years and I'm 21 and it's already ruined my life a lot. My problem is mainly benzos because I have no idea how to handle the horrors of the world without them, but I chase opiates and even weed has become a problem because I'm a complete trainwreck before I hit the first blunt of the day.

I am horrified by rehab, because I'm horrified by people and hospitals and going off benzos is going to amplify it. What can I expect and what can I do to ensure I get clean and stay clean?

 

[SterlingM.Archer]

No two peoples recovery are the same. Are you ready? If your answer isn't 100% yes then don't even waste your time. You sound ready to me though. It will be a bumpy road, make sure you have a solid support system. Rehabs aren't that bad or I haven't had a bad experience at one that I didn't bring upon myself. Find a way to manage your anxiety that doesn't involve xanax. I'm sure its hard to imagine but you can do it.

 

[Raysu]

Get a good support team in place from family and friends to counselors. Research the different rehabs and call the ones you are considering and ask them as much as you can to qualm your anxiety going in. The more clean time you accrue and work towards goals in life the easier it will become. My clean time's biggest enemies have been complacency, lack of ambition, self defeating thoughts, and lack of direction. Keeping yourself motivated is key so keep telling yourself you do deserve better and you can do it.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Get a good support team in place from family and friends to counselors. Research the different rehabs and call the ones you are considering and ask them as much as you can to qualm your anxiety going in. The more clean time you accrue and work towards goals in life the easier it will become. My clean time's biggest enemies have been complacency, lack of ambition, self defeating thoughts, and lack of direction. Keeping yourself motivated is key so keep telling yourself you do deserve better and you can do it.

All of this. Good luck. Also the longer you stay sober, or clean the less likely you will want to use drugs, and you will realize that using drugs is not worth it. It's not easy but it takes time.

 

[T. Calderone]

Many of us have been in your shoes and the thought of having to quit drugs can be frightening. When going into rehab, the first part is detox where ideally, they will wean you off the pills. So make sure that you tell them about your benzo use so they can taper you down. Then your next step is finding ways to fill that hole that you had filled with substances and this is going to take some work. It's like re-training your mind to find happiness and satisfaction from other things besides drugs. You can do this! I'm going to move this to Sober Living and wish you the best.

 

[herbavore]

OP, have you made any decisions yet about what you are going to do?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Unfortunately, most facilities do not seem very competent managing a serious benzodiazepine taper. Have you ever considered tapering yourself and then going inpatient? I tend not to recommend inpatient to all but the most severe cases, but it can (if you find a good place suited to your particular needs) be a helpful experience. Just don't expect to come out of it with all your problems solved.

If you don't, for understandable reasons, want to taper your benzodiazepine use at home, please find a good hospital somewhere with a detox facility that can adequately handle detoxes from long term term benzodiazepine habits such as yours OP. Most rehabs will only give you a finite time in detox, which isn't appropriate for the kind of tapers needed to most comfortably come off stuff like benzos. So try and find a hospital that will give you more than just one week of detox if you don't do the taper thing.

You write that you are horrified of rehab OP. I'd ask you, what do you feel is most appropriate to your current treatment right now? Do you want to go to rehab, or would you like to explore other options? Getting forced into a situation where I ended up going to rehab against my will and intuition resulted in some very harmful experiences (just as going to treatment when I genuinely wanted to resulted in my more positive outcomes).

Listen to your heart OP! You might be young, but you still know yourself better than most people - certainly better than the average addiction counselor out there.

 

[oxyfen]

how many benzos are you taking a day?