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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Stalker? Or not?

GillyWin

GillyWin

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Joined
Dec 4, 2002
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This possibly may need re-directing .. but i thought seeing how this affects my social life and work .. which is also social .. i'd try it here.

This old man comes into my work. He seemed relatively harmless, he started buying me christmas presents (2 necklaces), then he went on hols and braught me back a bracelet.

He comes into my work specifically when i'm there, and my boss noticed he doesn't come in if I'm not .. even if she changes my shifts .. so he wouldn't know.

Stupidly two yrs ago before this hoo-ha I'd given him my address for him to send me a x-mas card. He has now got my number and calls it 30+ times a day. He does know I'm off work atm because of my arm. I haven't answered the phone to him, but other people have and told him I'm fine etc.

Today a package came in the post from him .. its another jewellery box (i can tell) he knew it was my bday soon.

What to do????

Anyone shared anything similar?

Am i overreacting?
 
admit your undying love for him and you two can go off to get married....


i mean, um,



nah, when he rings answer the phone and just tell him to stop, but in a nice way... he'll get the hint.... and if he doesn't... tell him maybe in a not so nice way....
 
It's not overreacting at all.

I have no idea what to do here. Have you asked him to stop calling/contacting etc?

It would be good to keep it here in Aus Soc as Australian laws governing this sort of thing would be unique?

You poor thing Gilly. :( *hugs*
 
I had exactly the same thing happen to me. Heres my story.

About 3 years ago when I was at uni a man came up to me and said "Can I be your friend?" I found this odd but said yes thinking no harm would come of it. He stareted sending flowers, ciggarettes (I still dont know how he knew what brand I smoke) notes, letters, jewellery, all kinds of stuff and sending it to my class room and giving the stuff to teachers. Then one day he sent me a mobile phone and called me everyday.

I tried so many times to give the stuff back and told him not to give me any more presents but he didnt listen to me. I told the teachers to stop taking gifts from him and screened my phone call. He sent me a book with pictures hand drawn of me and him in a garden. It was so spooky.

Eventually it stopped but this went on for about a year. I suggest you tell the guy to leave you alone. Things like this can easily get out of hand. He sounds harmless enough at the moment but you never know. Having a big guy pick you up from work and drop you off might also help.
 
I havent asked him to stop calling, but whoever has been answering the phone just says i'm not here. Wont he just f*** off ;)

Should i send the present back?

Open it?

ickkkkk
 
i would suggest you send the package back, unopened. and include a little note with it. i don't know how you'd word it or anything but tell him you appreciate his gift and his interest in your well being but he's becoming over bearing. ask him not to call you anymore also.

it could be harmless but it also could not be, it's best to be on the safe side. i mean, not even my bestest friends call me everyday and give me presents at every given chance.

good luck.
 
I suggest you completely ignore him. I noticed if i messaged him back with something rude or abusieve he just sent more messages about how much he loved me and crap. Eventually the year was over and he finished his degree and went back to his own country. Probably to his wife and 30000 kids.
 
Yeah i'm just worried about going back to work, and him turning up. I dont want any awkward situations .. and would prefer not having to confront him.
 
you said your boss is already aware of it, so i'm sure they'd back you up. where do you work? i'm sure your boss could talk to him and ask him to deal with another member of staff and if it came down to it, ask him to take his business else where.
 
I work as a waitress .. coffe maker .. counter person .. in a coffee place. My boss said she would talk to him when he comes in .. which coincidentally hasnt happened since i've been off.
 
You do bare some responsibility in this, accepting gifts and giving him your address. At first I thought he was just some old geezer who's lonely, but as his only 40ish I'd say he's got a hard on for you. Let him down nicely, you dont want him to flip out and come knocking at your door late at night. I dont think he is a stalker yet but it is a delicate situation.
 
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Its not her fault at all some guys are just freaks.I agree she shouldnt have given him her phone number but I think she regrets that already. Next time dont give freaks your phone number
 
Hmmm I think that would freak me out a little. I would suggest getting someone else to intervene in the situation [preferably a male with big muscles] to have a kind but firm word to him and to return the gift. I'm sure he's probably pretty harmless and doesn't even know his behaviour concerns you.

In the meantime you can have my 'stalker'. He's funny. He sang Madonna to me for some random reason when he saw me. I don't see much of him anymore but the highlight of the 'stalking' was when he got really drunk and jumped into a garbage bin. keej and I couldn't stop laughing. =D
 
He's ringing as i type this .. how odd.

He's this little old man i'm guessing 60ish. Fear of him is minimal .. but its just awkward and way too much for my liking. I hate working when i know he's going to be there etc. Because he sits and watches me ... *eww*.

Present is unopened, going back. Calling my boss right now :)
 
ahhh... girls and stalkers... always fun...

my first bit of advice is to simply stop talking to him, smiling at him and avoid any contact.. when he comes into work, deliberatley avoid him and make him realise that you are avoiding him... it may hurt his feelings, but hey, at the end of the day, he will only become more of a nuisance to you...

if he keeps it up or becomes even more persistant, have a male person (at work, your boss sounds like he knows what is going on... he sounds good for it..) tell the person to please leave you alone... this generally works...

if he repeats it, he may think (in the delusional stalker kind of mind) that the male person (in this case, your boss) is acutally interested in you, and is only telling him to go away because he wants you. so, in this case, have the same person tell him to go away, and make sure you are standing there with him....

if he does persist, dont hesistate to use the police (or a group of bigger male friends.... *hint hint* shout me a ticket to perth and i'll help ya out.. :) ) to tell him in no uncertain terms that what he is doing is offending you, and that he needs to stop...


other good tactics include having a "dummy boyfriend".. a male friend who you are close with, to pick you up from work, come see you at work.. someone you are comfortable showing affection to... that will also help discourage the stalker...



but good luck overall, but most of all, STOP BEING NICE TO THE GUY... it only leads him on.....
 
GillyWin said:
He's ringing as i type this .. how odd.
Click to expand...


how did he actually get your number??? i hope u didnt give it to him...


sorry, after my serious reply, i want to have a rant about stalkers.....

or, mainly about the way girls treat these guys who they call stalkers..

i was out one nite with a mate and his girlfriend.... we were sitting round having a few drinks and this typical stalker looking guy (you know the types..) walks in and my mates girlfriend (she was a cheerleader) hides her face and says "oh god, thats the stalker guy who is always hanging around us!!" (apparantly this guy always follows the girls to every game, just stands there watching them and has somehow found out where a lot of them work and started hanging round there) what she said next just astounded me...

she said "i'm going to go say hi to him"...

i'm sorry, but if he is a stalker, DONT FUCKING GO INITIATE THE CONTACT BY TALKING TO HIM!!!... i'm not sure if she actually liked the guy stalking her or not.. maybe it was some sick way of enjoying attention... who knows... my mate and i stepped up before her and simply told the guy to leave (luckily my mate is 120kg and 6' 3")




story no. 1... my sister had a stalker one time when she was at school... he used to hang around the bus interchange, just staring at her... he then started turning up at her school (an all girls school) just staring..... and then one day my sister was approached by the teacher who was on bus duty the afternoon before saying that the guy came up to her and was asking after my sister...

doing my brotherly duty, i went to the bus interchange with my sister the next morning... as soon as the guy saw me with her, then saw me heading straight for him, he did the bolt... after a short chase (he tried to avoid me by running into a newsagency..) i bailed him up in the corner (probably much to the enjoyment of the customers..) and threatened to "kick the crap out of him if he turned up the next day" and thank god, he didnt... yay for me ;) that one effort may stop me going to hell..




i also had a stalker... when at uni.... i picked a girl up one nite, didnt sleep with her or anything... but then she started turning up at my dorm room, and just hanging round (she sat there without saying a word one night whilst i watched 3 hours of football, ate a plate of nachos and drank a 6 pack and i didnt say a word to her..)

the next day she sent me a text message saying how much fun she had last nite.... next thing i hear, we are apparantly going out...

needless to say i avoided her like the plague!!!

last i heard after she broke up with her last boyfriend, she spent 5 hours outside his window one night... just sitting there...
 
if hes making u feel this uncomfortable, who cares if u break his heart? let him know in no uncertain terms that hes creeping you out and tell him to back off..... or as others mentioned get someone to do it for u

the issue isnt whether u are over-reacting or not, the issue is he is making u feel uncomfortable, and it needs to stop......
 
You always hear stories about creepy old men stalking young women. I wonder if there are ever cases of frail old women stalking strapping young blokes?

Sorry, Im not much help.
 
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