Sponsor?

[xK-la]

So I have been seeking rehabs and my drug and alcohol counselor was looking for what would be best for me and today I kind of had an anxiety attack before I went and saw her and basically told her that I'm not ready and all this stuff and so she gave me an ultimatum if I could last 1 month without using Meth, then I won't be forced into going but if I fail, then I will have to go.

But I just got off the phone with my addicted boyfriends mum and she knows about my addiction, whereas my mother doesn't and I felt a lot more motivated to actually go and I know that the usual ideal sponsor is someone who has gone through addiction themselves and is living a sober lifestyle but I was wondering if making her my sponsor as she motivates me to get clean, would be a good idea or not? What are your thoughts and opinions?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I would advise you not to choose as a sponsor someone in a situation that could likely be a conflict of interest. Boyfriend's mom is someone who could likely be conflicted. People you date and their relatives are out as sponsors or therapists imo. Your boyfriend might need to be able to talk to his Mom about you as someone other than the person she is sponsoring. You might need to talk to your sponsor about your boyfriend in a way that wouldn't work as well with someone who is also his mother.

 

[Missykins]

I also think that it would be a mistake to choose your boyfriend's mother as your sponser.

When you say you're looking for someone to act as your sponser, what do you mean exactly? What is a sponser to you?

To me, a sponser is someone I've met thru NA or AA who is there to help me work the program of AA or NA, otherwise known as the 12 Steps. A sponser is someone who can help you stay clean on days when you want to use. They're not always your best friend, and they are not there to coddle you, either.

I have a great sponser, but we don't hang out together outside of meetings except for maybe coffee after a meeting, or an AA social event, etc. She's tough, too, and puts up with no bullshit but she is probably the first person I would call if I was thinking about picking up.

 

[Legerity]

I'd say the same thing as previous posters, it would be best to have somebody that is not connected with your boyfriend/family/friends. I would often call my rehab counselor to talk about issues that came up, and he was friends with my mother. I was often worried about what I would say to him, concerned that it would somehow get to my mother. It's likely that you'll at some point want to discuss relationship issues with your sponsor, and this could obviously be uncomfortable with you boyfriend's mother.

Do you go to 12-step meetings? If so there will be tons of people that you can chose from. I think what matters most is that you have somebody that cares about you and is able to guide you during this period of your life without judging.

I guess I prefer the term "teacher" or "guide". I'm not sure what your idea of a sponsor is, but if you are referring to what it usually means, a 12-step sponsor, then like others said their purpose is typically to guide you through the 12-steps. I feel fortunate to have found somebody to help me through this period in my life that I consider to be a great teacher, although I do not go to meetings and he has nothing to do with AA, so I would not consider him a "sponsor". He's the only person I've met that has achieved the level of peace that I'm seeking, so he is somebody that I want to learn from.

People in AA always say to find somebody that has what you want and pick them to be your sponsor, so who is living their life in a way that you want to? Who is able to experience peace of mind without using drugs?

When I am clear in what I'm looking for, it's easier for me to decide who I want to let into my life. If you are open and continue to look, I'm sure that the right person will be found.

 

[xK-la]

Thanks everyone.

I myself wasn't quite sure as to what a sponsor's "guidelines" were as I do not go to a 12 step program but am talking about different options for me with my counselor.

I kind of figured that a sponsor was anyone who motivates you to stay clean, and I feel like she does this for me.
But I see now that a proper sponsor would be someone who has gone through the similar things that I have and are living a life that I some way hope to live.

Thanks again everyone!