Spoiled

[Nephtys]

Hi,

I don't know if this is the right forum.
Lately I passed the experimental phase of drug abuse. Not that I start using drugs in a functional way, but I just tried all the classics and some of the more exotic drugs. At this point I feel spoiled. I experienced extreme euphoria in ways I couldn't even imagine. If sober life is an eight on ten, I definetely been on 12 on 10.
When I'm around people who haven't trippend in their life, I just feel a melancholy waving through me.
You can compare it with changing in a vampire. There are the heightened senses, the powers, immortality... But on the dark side there's the constant animally hunger for blood, you can't stand the sun...
I don't regret using them, I even started daily meditation thanks to psychedelics. They enriched my life in a divine way.
But now when I'm among non-users, I feel spoiled, a little bit sad they will never experience the awesome things I've seen. Was I even meant to experience a 12 on 10?
This spoiled feeling is weird.
Does anyone knows this feeling and what I should do with it?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Like you wish the people around you could have been bless with the amazingness that is a good acid trip? Kinda... But I check myself. I think you can gain similar awesome states of mind without using drugs. Certainly you aren't guarenteed an awesome experience when you use drugs either - they're not a surefire recipe anyone can simply follow to gain some universal absolute kind of enlightenment. At least I've yet to find it...

I don't know, but I always check myself when I get to thinking or feeling like that. It almost seems condescending. Who am I to know whether or not someone has had the wonderful, eye opening experience that I've had. Maybe they have had similar experiences. Maybe they're had even more intense, more eye opening experiences that I as yet cant even fathom myself. Who knows - the point is I don't... unless I were to discuss this with them. Why not talk to people with whom you feel like that in regard to. Share your wonderful experience with them. Maybe they're share a wonderful experience they have had, one perhaps you haven't experience, with you. Then, maybe, you can experience something wonderful with them. That seems more productive/fun than thinking how one's own experiences are "better" or "worse" than anyone else's. iono...

Does this feeling both you? Does it cause you problems?

 

[RedLeader]

I'm glad that you've gotten to know the joys that psychedelics can add to a life. I agree with you that there's something very valuable in a good psychedelic (or to an extent, MDMA or a dissociative) experience. When I hear the term "drug" used in a pejorative way regarding psychedelics, I get a bit of knee-jerk anger because I know what that beauty is like and how complex it actually is. At the same time, though, I cringe as well when young kids abuse such drugs, mix them with alcohol and generally just ruin it for those who really get it.

With that said, I will simply suggest to proceed with caution. Not just because any trip, especially ill-planned ones, can go bad, and some people are victimized by the same substances that we see as gifts from the gods. When I hear this analogy:

But on the dark side there's the constant animally hunger for blood, you can't stand the sun...

I worry that a bit of compulsion is being added into your equation, and that you're getting toward I love that 12/10 so much that I want to refresh it all the time. Clearly that's not good, as you're throwing a (psychological) addiction into the equation. Not just because psychedelics are illegal and you *should* be sober at least with the logistics of it obtaining/storing/preapring/etc, but also because without a good sense of the complimentary 'sober vs. tripping,' you'll start to appreciate the tripping less. All I'm saying is to be careful and to respect the substances enough to space it out, and try not to use some analogy to vampirism to justify using more often. Vampires (likely) aren't real, but substance use in your life is.

With regard to other people seeing boring or mechanistic, I can relate to that because I felt that way back in my tripping/mdma days. I will suggest that you don't necessarily try and "spread the word," though, or that you be very selective if you do. As well, be careful with what substances you do use, as getting addicted to the worse ones can have the opposite effect - you feeling jealous of the 8/10s because you're stuck around a 4. Opiate addiction put me there, and it's not fun. As well, once you've viewed society from the opposite direction, it makes going back to truly enjoying tripping a lot more difficult.

Take a step back and realise that you're in a good place right now. Don't take it for granted, but at the same time don't try and push the limits either. Be realistic and disciplined with what you do and the psyches will treat you with respect as well.

 

[Termino]

But now when I'm among non-users, I feel spoiled, a little bit sad they will never experience the awesome things I've seen.

This is not an uncommon feeling. In fact, I'd venture to say that most anyone who has had an 'extreme' experience of any sort will harbor similar feelings. For example, there's the Christian who feels sad for the non-believers who will not be caught up in the rapture, there's the sky diver who pities anyone who has never experienced the thrill of parachuting from a plane, there's the world traveler who feels that the person who never left his county can't possibly understand the majesty of the world. The guy who's madly in love feels spoiled when compared to a loner.

So what you're carrying is your own little secret. We all carry such secrets in one way or another. Over time you'll realize that it's not just you; it's a condition we all share. Some people just don't care to open their hearts and minds to new experiences, and that's their issue, not yours.