closeau
Bluelighter
I hope this is the right forum for this post. I currently suffer from chronic pain, bipolar I and past alcoholism. My meds seem to be working ok although depression is creeping in but I see my dr Monday. I'm having financial issues and my Dilaudid is starting to get me. I don't want to go down the road of addiction again but the rush is the only thing that makes me happy. I'm trying to prepare to move and my mom is fighting a losing battle with cancer. I'm not saying all this to get pity but to let y'all know where I'm at. I told my AA sponser about the Dilaudid and he reccomended I go to NA. I have a best friend who used to be an H junkie that's been clean for 5 years thru NA but inside I'm just so sick of recovery. I never had great success in AA and that's not their fault, it's mine. So far since a suicide attempt in February was my last drink. I've been fine till lately when pressure of life got too much and I wanted to escape and did something I shouldn't have. Now I'm doing it everyday and I'm getting quite nervous. I'm not blowing money or hurting others....yet but I know how addiction works. The Dark Side is def where I'm at. I'm over with my mom and a lot of people are here so I had time to type and just feel the worst when I look at her and subconsciously know what I'm doing. I wish I could just stop but anyone who knows anything about addiction knows that's not the way it works. I'm gonna try my best to get back on a straight line. I see my pain dr Tuesday we have to change extended release so hopefully it will ease my pain so I won't have to do it myself. No excuses though. Pain or not it's not right what I'm doing and it's effecting my mental health. Any tips or support would be appreciated. If m in the wrong place, I apologize and move this to the right place. I would hope me pchy meds keep me stable but meds only go so far. I'm scared and nervous. Thanks for reading.
