My advice to you..This may sound counter intuitive, but I had a moment myself once. Searching the internet for answers to spiritual truths is risky business. Thats asking the spider to bite you. I did it for a long time, it was driving me fucking NUTSO. I think, basically googling for your spirit isn't a wise idea. The powers that be will lead you where ever man. Take a break from that.
Carl jung said something like this "People will learn theosophy by heart, practice yoga and all that, only cuz they can't on with themselves, they'll search the corners of the earth looking for answers, these people honestly believe that the heart is the source of evil, and that man can't put the spoon into his own mouth, that nothing good can come out of a persons own soul."
Something like that. Basically. Your searching the outside for an answer that can only come from the inside. And lord knows I'm guilty of that myself. Terribly guilty. In fact, I'd say even talking to spirit guides and shit sometimes can be bad. Not that they'll lead you astray, but you must rely on the light inside you, the light you can see...I mean, maybe thats your issue. Your driving yourself mad looking for answers when the answers been inside you all along.
Try and take a break. Maybe your demons are getting the best of you. Try not to think about it. I suppose there are those out there can kill with a wish, but I've never met such a one. Trust in the light, in yourself, in those around you..
Maybe it is the dark night. But would you cast off that dark night for better rest and lose out on that light at the end of the tunnel?
Oh. And your perfectly sane. Society IS ridiculous! And as for staring off into space..Well you said you can't sleep. As a practicing insomniac..I do it all the time babe.
If I had to say, I've been going through something similar for a year as well. I think its a sign of the times or some shit..You'll get through it, and probably be strong as shit in the process.
A friend of mine told me recently "I have the most ridiculous faith in you. I can't see how you don't have faith in yourself." It was a nice thing to say..But its true. Why can't you have faith in yourself? Are you gonna die if you believe in yourself for a moment?
Believe. Breath...Try to relax and let the bullshit go. Maybe you've filled you mind with questions and questions, all holes that may NEVER ever be able to be filled with earth...I think thats what buddah meant when he asked whats the sound of one hand clapping. Maybe there is no answer. you know? Searching for it will drive you mad. Instead, work on the issues you know you can answer for yourself.
If the universe has an answer for you, it will let you know in good time. Your a young lady I imagine. (if I'm wrong forgive me, idk, I'm nutso too ya know). One of the worst things I forgot was having faith in the universe to guide me, to let me know what I need to know, and refusing to accept that there are answers out there that I'm simply just not ready for. Or maybe there aren't even answers to those questions at all!
Just do your best. But for god sakes, relax on the Q&A and trust in your soul!
As someone who's constantly struggling with a sense of soul loss, take my word for it, trust in your soul, have faith in the core of your being to get through this and to understand. Whats the worst thing that could happen?
