I've been thinking about my friend Paula, who died at the end of last year, a lot... just missing her.
I found a log of all of our old chats on Facebook last night and I came across this. I've copied it and pasted it directly, removed her surname and didn't correct her typos as that's one of the things I loved about her:
"Paula 'Red'
then upwards is the way to go....i think i got to a stoopid fucked up depressed point and i thought i can easy be a dead dea person or i can continue being a living dead person or i could try being a iving living person 1st"
I feel teary every time I read it. So bloody poignant.
"Paula 'Red'
ah you sound like me when i was comig up to 30.....by the time i was 33 my life was amazing and completely different....i gave up trying so hard and went with new experiances....had my 1st kid at 33 second at 37 i am 44 now not with their dad (hes one of best mates) and i have ended up dating the guy i used to fancy when i was 13 (he doesnt know that though)life can be a bitch if you let it pull you under.....be brave and jump into the void lovely xx"
One of her many messages of solidarity when I went through the pre-30 crack up.
"Paula 'Red'
in native american tribes crying bathing rain were all thought of as cleansing your body and soul....it was known as water healing not as a weakness but a way to rid from the body dirt you dont need
so do i i am a pisces with 7 houses in pisces i am the softest of the soft...trust me i have to tell my kids off from a different room cause their wee faces woud stop me"
Just something she said that sticks with me.
I spoke out loud to her for ages last night when I was feeling a bit sad about her being gone. I wish she was still here. I wish she hadn't of drank so much. I had no idea she was so bad that it would kill her. She put so much inspiration in me.
I found a log of all of our old chats on Facebook last night and I came across this. I've copied it and pasted it directly, removed her surname and didn't correct her typos as that's one of the things I loved about her:
"Paula 'Red'
then upwards is the way to go....i think i got to a stoopid fucked up depressed point and i thought i can easy be a dead dea person or i can continue being a living dead person or i could try being a iving living person 1st"
I feel teary every time I read it. So bloody poignant.
"Paula 'Red'
ah you sound like me when i was comig up to 30.....by the time i was 33 my life was amazing and completely different....i gave up trying so hard and went with new experiances....had my 1st kid at 33 second at 37 i am 44 now not with their dad (hes one of best mates) and i have ended up dating the guy i used to fancy when i was 13 (he doesnt know that though)life can be a bitch if you let it pull you under.....be brave and jump into the void lovely xx"
One of her many messages of solidarity when I went through the pre-30 crack up.
"Paula 'Red'
in native american tribes crying bathing rain were all thought of as cleansing your body and soul....it was known as water healing not as a weakness but a way to rid from the body dirt you dont need
so do i i am a pisces with 7 houses in pisces i am the softest of the soft...trust me i have to tell my kids off from a different room cause their wee faces woud stop me"
Just something she said that sticks with me.
I spoke out loud to her for ages last night when I was feeling a bit sad about her being gone. I wish she was still here. I wish she hadn't of drank so much. I had no idea she was so bad that it would kill her. She put so much inspiration in me.