mineIadoreU
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2017
- Messages
- 4
(I want to thank you ahead of time for reading the words I chose in telling my "why." I know it's a little lengthy.)
I wish I could say that I have waited 15 years to stand beside all of you in order to gain enough knowledge to aptly assist anyone who seeks answers, without prejudice, to questions that sometimes carry the weight of life or death. But I can't. Fortunately unfortunately, I come for help and support. It's hard to tell my story without giving myself away to someone who already knows me or of me. Quick synopsis: I am 30 years old and currently a USAF servicemember. I became an opiate user at 15, but have always been an addict. I had stints of other DOC along the way but I was always led back into that familiar, loving and warm embrace. I have been drawn to my current fentanyl and speed addiction (IV only user). I was quite functioning, arguably still, until a little over a year ago when my husband, a newfound crystal meth user hanged himself literally hours before I could have talked him out of it the day I came back stateside from being gone for a month. My addictions have gotten worse, and I suffer from debilitating hallucinations, and nightmares, even on meds and psychotherapy. Everyday is a struggle to survive and everyday I lose more traction. Unbelievable financial hardship has fallen on me. I watch everything i have worked hard for and everything i have loved turn to a pile of ash and blown in my face, but i am paralyzed, helpless and hopeless to stop it even though I caused it. Nothing in my life has gone untouched and I have pushed every person away and then blame them for abandoning me while I still grieve and hurt, when I wish I could say while I heal. After years of seeing you guys support each other when all someone wants to know is if there is a difference between rubbing alcohol and isopropyl alcohol, there is no need to insult someone for not knowing, having the courage to ask and potentially save their own or someone else's life is admirable and intelligent, not trivial or unworldly. Kudos. Respect. The quickest way is to go through.
I'm all yours bluelighters.
Very respectfully,
The broken, the beaten, and the___________.
I wish I could say that I have waited 15 years to stand beside all of you in order to gain enough knowledge to aptly assist anyone who seeks answers, without prejudice, to questions that sometimes carry the weight of life or death. But I can't. Fortunately unfortunately, I come for help and support. It's hard to tell my story without giving myself away to someone who already knows me or of me. Quick synopsis: I am 30 years old and currently a USAF servicemember. I became an opiate user at 15, but have always been an addict. I had stints of other DOC along the way but I was always led back into that familiar, loving and warm embrace. I have been drawn to my current fentanyl and speed addiction (IV only user). I was quite functioning, arguably still, until a little over a year ago when my husband, a newfound crystal meth user hanged himself literally hours before I could have talked him out of it the day I came back stateside from being gone for a month. My addictions have gotten worse, and I suffer from debilitating hallucinations, and nightmares, even on meds and psychotherapy. Everyday is a struggle to survive and everyday I lose more traction. Unbelievable financial hardship has fallen on me. I watch everything i have worked hard for and everything i have loved turn to a pile of ash and blown in my face, but i am paralyzed, helpless and hopeless to stop it even though I caused it. Nothing in my life has gone untouched and I have pushed every person away and then blame them for abandoning me while I still grieve and hurt, when I wish I could say while I heal. After years of seeing you guys support each other when all someone wants to know is if there is a difference between rubbing alcohol and isopropyl alcohol, there is no need to insult someone for not knowing, having the courage to ask and potentially save their own or someone else's life is admirable and intelligent, not trivial or unworldly. Kudos. Respect. The quickest way is to go through.
I'm all yours bluelighters.
Very respectfully,
The broken, the beaten, and the___________.
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