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Sooooo.....I have like no sober friends

Wolfmans_BrothEr

Wolfmans_BrothEr

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 23, 2011
Messages
903
I celebrated 60 days clean yesterday, and just moved back to nj last Monday. It's fuckin scary as hell being back but I've been doing my best to keep busy and it's going ok so far, but lately I've found myself going insane with having no one to talk to. I told one friend I was home bc she's a good influence, but she's so preoccupied with her new bf she rarely even responds to my texts

Sometimes I wanna go to meetings, I haven't been to one since I got clean. Sometimes I'm real gung ho about going, and a few hours later I don't even wanna go. I've been to a shitton of meetings and rehabs and I know the whole spiel about sobriety, and that's not why I'm going, the reason I'd go is to share and gain a group of ppl who can support me with a sponsor and etc....a majority of the time I'm too afraid to share, which is weird bc I'm super confident now that I'm clean. I just don't like the idea of a bunch of ppl I don't even know, and who all live fairly close to me, knowing all my shit

But I have a feeling meetings or a job is the only way im gonna make any real friends...I really needed to say that, and a lot more, but I won't turn this into a novel. I just have no one to talk to any of this shit about, and I've been holding onto it for soooo long.

So what's ur guys input on finding legit friends during sobriety?
 
That's a tough one, I never had that problem thank god. I guess I'm lucky that I had my drug buddies and then my actual friends who never went down that road. If you need to get it out though perhaps meetings aren't such a bad idea. I do however see why you wouldn't want people who live in your area knowing all of your business. If you need sober friends though, I can't think of a better place to find them.
 
First of all, This (recovery section of BL) can be a great source of support, advice, and just people to talk to in general, especially for more personal issues that would be difficult to share face to face with someone.

Second, go with your intuition here and hit some meetings!!! Even if you don't feel like you need to work the steps or whatever, that doesn't matter. Working the steps has never been, and never will be, a requirement for AA/NA membership. The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. So why not go, and meet some people who have suffered through similar hardships? You'll find people you can relate to, that will know about the difficulties you're having. If you feel uncomfortable sharing your thoughts in front of a big group of random people, then just raise your hand and say that you've recently moved back to the area, you're a couple months sober, and you're having a hard time not knowing anyone in recovery and having nobody to talk to. I guarantee after the meeting at least a few people will come up to you and introduce themselves and exchange phone numbers, with a genuine interest in helping you.

Good luck, and keep at it! I commend you, for moving back to New Jersey and staying clean by the way. That's definitely something I was never able to do, and would still be terrified to attempt. (I grew up in NJ/started using there)
 
caseface99 said:
I guarantee after the meeting at least a few people will come up to you and introduce themselves and exchange phone numbers, with a genuine interest in helping you.
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It's funny I did exactly that a while ago when I got outta detox and no one said shit. I even explained how I was fresh outta detox and even needed a temporary sponsor or SOMETHING, and was met with crickets.....I relapsed a few days after that
 
^^ I forget that the fellowship isn't as strong in every area. :\

If you do this at a meeting, and nobody approaches you, Then don't ever go back to that meeting because most of the people there probably suck to be honest. But don't let this deter you from trying out other meetings! My counselor at rehab told me that going to meetings is like dating, you gotta try a bunch of different types before you find one that works. Honestly he was right, even here where there is a really good fellowship, I go to meetings that totally suck sometimes. Just try out different meetings until you find one with some people that truly give a shit.

Maybe try out some smart recovery or life ring meetings, if you can't find a good AA or NA meeting?
 
if you wanna make sober friends go to meetings, I didn't have any sober friends or even know any sober people at all until I started attending meetings
 
The only meetings I ever got anything from was when I was in rehabs and the fellowships knew that there was fresh meat each week. Sounds nileistic but that's been my experience.
Get out and go to meetings and its just a room mixed with old people and and clearly high junkies regurgitating a 'super share'.
 
Try taking a class at a junior college even if its just a BS class like art or something or even a P.E. class. I met a lot of really cool people while taking classes. Or try getting involved in some sort of work out class at a gym. Usually, healthy people are functioning enough to go to class or a gym.
 
Go to an AA/NA meeting ! Really it is the best way to make sober friends . Just make yourself go dude, really what is the worst thing that could happen?

I really like young people meetings, there is a really good HA( heroin anonymous) in my area and I have met so many cool people there. Meetings are completely free and if u don't like one, toucan always go to a different one.

I don't think I would stay sober for long if I never met some of the sober people I have today in my lif
 
It does just take time, and also it can require that maybe you make the first approach.

While 60 days is along time, and congratulations! Sobriety into the future is a daily task, and making friends will come with time and experience.
 
god bless, man. I would NEVER be able to do it. I was lucky enough to have ALL SOBER FRIENDS and I was the junkie in the group. now when I saw sober I mean not using dope daily like I was, but they did drink/smoke weed here and there. but none ever had any problem in life or any trouble, only me. I am thankful for them and the helped me and treated me good even through bad times. Never really looked down on me.

one thing I did do as well throughout my sobriety is make friends w/ other people who suffered the same as you/we once did. I have alot of those friends who I've met from the rehabs, meetings, classes I've taken. I will always get that text or send that text weekly that says, "hope all is well and youre staying clean". those are the ones who went through the same hell I did and can relate.

best of luck.
 
yes its quite difficult to find sober friends thats you click with..the only problem i encountered when meeting NA/AA folks is they tended to devote too much time to talkig about staying sober, quitting drugs, how bad drugs are etc etc..gets draining when you want to hang out and do something and NOT talk about sobriety..
 
Wolfmans_BrothEr said:
Daaaaaamn sobriety forum, step ur game up
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Hey Wolfman,

First off, good on you man. Can't be easy what your enduring right now but hey, your doing it right? And you'll find people. I wouldn't worry about the sharing thing at those meetings. Everyone there has a story and if there's a safe place to tell it, well it's there. Tap into the support systems and be proud of yourself because hey, you ought to be.

Yet if you find the energy of these various places isn't the auspicious warm and fuzzy kind, get some new routines going on and find some other places to go, other people to meet. Watch out for old patterns trying to weave their ways back into your life and pursue what's most important, y o u. Rejoice man. Your doing it.
 
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