Somewhere to say

I don't know why I'm even writing in here. I suppose I have to get it some how rather that laying nearly paralized on the floor crying. I can't stand pain. The whole world seems like its spinning to fast and I'm just waiting for it to fall apart. I found out that my ex erased me from his life, like a bad memory. when I someday we could be friends, we were to start. And we were talking and now its some how different. He said me told me why he did it, but in an away message I never got. I struggle to get things done sometimes because the balence issues are getting worse and of course my mom says its nothing and I need to get off my ass and get a job. When I had planned on it, I just wanted to get a lil more well. I hate sitting here crying when there is no one to turn to and I can't seem to figure out how it all went wrong. If I had the Tramadol it would help, but its gone. I use it to not cut, I want to so bad, to stay awake, to keep the depression away...and I have none because I can't afford it. I don't even know how I feel. I think I'll cry to clean. I tried to makea listfor tomorrow and lost it.Try to clean and Sean will be here in the morning and I then maybe for awhile everything will be ok...

 

Maybe some day you still can be friends. He knows how to contact you and if the timing is right he can make that decision. You can't force him to be your friend if he needs distance.

Try not to worry about it too much and concentrate on your new kitty (who is absolutely ADORABLE BTW), your new bf, and most importantly you.