Sometimes

[SineWaveSoldier]

Going through some old shit I wrote this a while ago. I haven't really put pen to paper in a year or so but it still gives me chills when I read it so someone might feel it.


Sometimes I want to run and hide
Sometimes I want to step outside
From who I am and where I've been
To start this life over again

Sometimes I want to change it all
Sometimes I want to end it all
To not remember
To not recall

Sometimes I want to break this shell
This fragile world this secret hell
Walk away leave it behind
Leave it behind.....

Im not as strong as they may have thought
I can't pretend Im not distrought
I never asked for much at all
I never wanted to take this fall

I can keep walking but I can't run
I can't hide from what I've become
Ill carry this long as I can
See where it takes me, see where I am

Don't cry for me when I have left
Or take the pain I tried to shed
If just one soul is saved instead
It is worth all I've done and said

Don't take the path I decided to take
Or ignore the laws I decided to break
Don't listen to others when they say
To follow them; go your own way

When I leave I'll still be here
Still be around, Ill still be near
Even if my voice you cannot hear
Ill still be there that much is clear

If I leave not far Ill go
I'll be that angel always in tow
Ill be the knowledge that you should know
The light that shows you where to go

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

And one to grow on.
This ones called middle ground.

Halfway between
Heaven and Earth
My soul may not be clean
But its not in the dirt

I might not be in the ground
But my head still bears that weight
constant indecision
And constant self hate
Tribulation and trial
Bearing so much denial.....

Was I conditioned or destined
To turn out this way?
Purposeful indecision-
Mental decay; dissaray

I carry the weight
of one thousand men
I bear all the scars
That seem never to mend

This is my fresh start
Psychological cpr
Creative shocks to my heart
Bring me back from so far

The introspective place
My temporary internmant
Carrying such ill will
And never ending regret

Have I wronged so many
That I can't come back?
Have I decieved so many
Ill always watch my back?

Never knowing which bastard
Will come back to life
Which terrible habit
Bringing back all my strife

I despise thinking this way
But it would be but a lie
If I said I was happy
And I saw clear blue sky

Im not looking for anyone
To help end how I feel
Noone put me here
I sealed my own fucking deal...........

Like I said these are old. I was in a very very dark place. I draw a lot from it and may be stronger having gone through it. But god damn I've gone through it.

 

[herbavore]

I really, really like the second one. Did you put these to music?

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

I really, really like the second one. Did you put these to music?

No, they could be though. I was into spoken word so the sound better with my emphasis.
I have more and will write more, you guys are the only ones to see these in a long time it feels good theyre appreciated.