sometimes it's not what i think

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

I'm starting to fall back
into the normal routine
that I had,
before you swept me
off my fucking feet.
I thought that I'd come down
a little harder than I landed,
but perhaps all the booze
and drugs cushioned my fall.

I can't believe that you had
me a bit convinced,
and I happened to push
that fact to the way
back off my mind
that you were really
going to go home.

I'm just starting to think
that you are a real
fucking scumbag,
but not for my benefit.
Who am I to judge
what you have done?
I just feel sorry for her.
And perhaps I should
have from the start.
Then I would have never
gotten myself into this mess.

And did you break my heart?
I can't really say that,
because I haven't figured out
what the last one had left,
in there, in my chest.
But you did make my mind
race to different heights.
You made me think of things
that I couldn't have
imagined without you by myside.
I miss you sometimes.

I tell myself it's just another
wasted loss cause
because it is.
And I tell you that I don't want to
write you off
but I do, I have to.

You can fall asleep everynight
laying next to her
and I've convinced myself
that I'm better off,
because I don't want to
end up being that girl.

The one that you so
fucking blanently lie to,
and are not good at it.
I don't want to hear
youf fucking stories
and excuses.
And I'm not even her.

And since you had to do,
what you had to do,
please just let me
write you off first.
Because if you get last word,
I'm going to be left
questioning myself
and my mind and
reevaluating the situation
time and time again.

You left me here.
Just let me think
that I did something right.
And then I will try not
to hold any of this against you.