Sometimes I think Life Just Isn't Worth Living Anymore

Supeudol

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
1,070
Location
Alberta, Canada.
Well - to start off I just got out of Rehab about 2 months ago for a heavy 5 year Oxycodone & Benzodiazepine Addiction. I suffer from severe anxiety, and depression now. I think if it weren't for fucking marijuana in the first place (WHICH CAUSED MY FIRST PANIC ATTACKS) I would be fine today. :\

Anyways, I can't seem to make any new friends, and all my friends just drink and do fucking drugs. I have been dabbling in GHB, and getting myself into a bad habit here again. My parents don't seem to have a fucking clue about my anxiety, and my mom just gives me shit for it and says just move on with life, etc.

I also live in the WORST FUCKING COUNTRY in the World. (its impossible to get any sort of help at least the province where I am in). People are fucking dickheads here as well. :X

I fear I will never meet a nice girl. I mean I really like this girl right now, but kind of fucked up last night as I was pretty fucked up on GHB and 1 of her best friends was not too impressed with. (Yet it's fine if they do fucking E and drink - oh because Alcohol is so socially acceptable.)

Sometimes I think it would just be much better ending this suffering and ending my life. I am only 24 years old, and I am not trying to seek attention here guys, just very anxious & depressed. Only reason I am using GHB is because doctors can't seem to find the fucking problem to these extreme Skin Sensations (chills, burning skin & goosebumps). Now I am finding when my dose where's off, I am getting some bad tachycardia and bad anxiety again. :\

Not loving life right now, nor have I for the past few years. :( :\
 
I also live in the WORST FUCKING COUNTRY in the World. (its impossible to get any sort of help at least the province where I am in). People are fucking dickheads here as well. :X




Please tell me i read that part wrong, you are in Canada with awesome healthcare.


I know what you mean about the panic attacks, i try to tell other people in my family and just other people in general and no one will take my word cause i smoked pot and did some pills in the past, i fucking hate the way people think sometimes, i just wanna slap their fucking head off sometimes.


sorry my post didn't add much help to this, i'm not good at this whole dark side thing yet sorry :/
 
Truth I'm jealous of the Heathcare too!
People can't even SEE a Dr. here unless they think they are going to DIE cause it cost so much.
The Dark Side has a suicide related thread, if you are feeling suicidal I would suggest you check that one out.
Stay Safe!
 
Yes Canada can't be worse than the US. If you are feeling down about not meeting a long-term girlfriend then please just give yourself time. Love can be slow in coming but it is FANTASTIC when it hits you. Hang in there...we all get down sometimes.<3<3
 
Well - to start off I just got out of Rehab about 2 months ago for a heavy 5 year Oxycodone & Benzodiazepine Addiction. I suffer from severe anxiety, and depression now.

Hey man, first of all, congrats on getting clean. That is a huge achievment and you should be really proud of yourself. It's pretty common for people to feel depressed and anxious after they get clean off drugs, but the important thing to remember is that these bad feelings will pass and you will feel happy again. Are you seeing a counsellor now that you're out of rehab? Addiction and the problems that it brings don't just magically disappear the minute you step out of rehab, sobriety is an ongoing journey so you need to keep working at it okay? If you're not seeing a counsellor I highly recommend that you do, just to talk about how you're feeling and maybe get some tips on how to manage your anxiety etc. Once you take care of your emotional health, everything else will start to fall in to place <3
 
Please tell me i read that part wrong, you are in Canada with awesome healthcare.


I know what you mean about the panic attacks, i try to tell other people in my family and just other people in general and no one will take my word cause i smoked pot and did some pills in the past, i fucking hate the way people think sometimes, i just wanna slap their fucking head off sometimes.


sorry my post didn't add much help to this, i'm not good at this whole dark side thing yet sorry :/

Yes will the only thing with the healthcare here is that if you need to get surgery, you can be waiting up to a year or more. Also I have to get an MRI done to figure out whats wrong with my nerves and why I am getting this "crawling out of my skin feeling". So for the MRI, I have to wait until next spring. :\

Also in Canada, doctors very RARELY prescribe addictive drugs here, and narcotics and stuff the docs here have to have a special pad called a 'triplicate pad' and most docs don't carry them, or don't want to get them because they figure narcotics are just trouble. Same goes with benzo's (very hard to get prescribed now a days) - just saying for those of you that are on benzo's in the US, especially Xanax (you won't get it here - unless you have a doctor that is willing to prescribe benzos.)

Anyways, thanks for the support guys. I have been on like a 5 day bender of 24/7 GHB dosing, and now coming down and feeling pretty sketchy. (Tachycardia and such) and I have no benzo's :(
 
Only reason I am using GHB is because doctors can't seem to find the fucking problem to these extreme Skin Sensations (chills, burning skin & goosebumps).

those are benzo withdrawal symptoms. maybe opiate also.
 
Totally agree with N3o. It is common to feel depressed after you get clean. This is a difficult time for you and things will get better. You just have to be patient. Try to take care of yourself.

I know its easier said than done but try to not stress yourself so much about not currently having a partner. You are only 24, there are lots of nice girls out there and eventually you will meet one that reciprocates your feelings. The worst things you can do right now is sit around and feel sorry for yourself. It will not make it easier for you to find someone. The best thing would be to get on with your life. Try finding things to do, the more you do the better you will feel and the better the chance you will have at meeting someone. I know I must be sounding really cliche, but these things are your ticket to feeling better.

Go to the library and read some self help books. Maybe sign up for a course at the community college, like art, music or something hobby related. Maybe a class where you go on field trips. Its easy to meet people at those places and just being out of your house will make you feel better overall.

Try being as active as you can. You did the hardest part already, but your progress is nowhere near the end. You got through rehab and now you need to build your life up. It's not enough to just get through rehab and think that that is enough to not feel depressed anymore. It never is enough. People often think that getting clean should automatically make their life better. Than is only partially true. Getting clean opens up all the doors necessary for a good life. W/o getting clean you would not be able to have a good life, it creates the foundation on which you can buld yourself up. So getting clean is a first step, a requirement in order to continue getting better. Once you get clean there is still lots of hard work left to do in order to have the best life you can.

The best thing to do now is fill your life up with as many things to do as you can. Sitting around doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself us the worst thing you can do right now. It increases your chance of relapse and leads to no progress. Your life will not get better if you continue doing this.

Get a job, any job. Go back to school if you can, even taking a class or two. Read books, study a language. Go for walks, exercise. Go for bike rides. Any physical activity will help clear your mind. Every city has a park district that sends an annual paper with all the activities and classes they are doing. Maybe take part in that and meet some people that live in your town.

This is what your next step is. Getting out and doing stuff. If you do this your life will drastically improve. It really is the only thing keeping you from being less depressed.

If you do what I suggested and really put a lot of effort in it and after a few months you still see no progress then I suggest you go see a mental health practitioner. Often times the reason we do drugs in the first place is because we self medicate. Once we get clean, these problems that we were self medicating do not just simply go away because now we are clean. They are back and often with a vengeance because the drugs we were using depleted our brains of important chemicals. We need to fix these issues and this time do it right. For things like anxiety I really suggest therapy first as it has helped me tremendously to the point that I never get panic attacks now and they were so bad I often had to pull over while driving. With therapy a doctor can suggest some medication. Medication can often be helpful, but I thing it should be secondary to therapy. But the key thing is to treat your problems right. Not to self medicate, but to let a practitioner help you with therapy and medication that is right for you. Listen to them, they often know what they are doing much better than we do.
 
those are benzo withdrawal symptoms. maybe opiate also.

This is a really good point. Your problems with the weird sensations and stuff can be due to benzo w/o. Since you said that you were using for a few years and just got our of rehab that is definitely likely. Some people here say that benzo w/d can last while. It will get better eventually, but it will take time. There probably is nothing wrong with your nerves and your body is just healing itself from the years of drug abuse. Just my thoughts, I'm not a doctor so if you thing there is something wrong of course I suggest you seek medical care. But think about whether it could just be lingering benzo w/d.

Also, I really suggest giving the GHB a break. It might seem like its helping and it probably is at the moment but what happens when you don't have it. Let your body heal from the drug abuse you did in the past few years. Take some vitamins,eat well, exercise. taking other drugs is really not the way to go and will make you feel worse in the long run. GHB is addictive and can give you w/d of its own. Seriously, try to put that away if you can. You will be much better of w/o it in the long run.
 
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When I got out of rehab for benzos and opiates, the second week of being out was like exploring as new world. That lasted very shortly. Next time, at least this is my plan, is to ride that nervous momentum that comes from being suddenly clean and don't stop. I stopped riding the wave and here I fucking am again.
 
^ Thanks for the help guys. The last couple years I have been quite depressed, if it isn't anxiety/panic ruining my fucking relationships, its benzo's or drugs. I must say though out of all drugs, I always got into the most trouble with benzo's and alcohol.

Things just don't seem to get much better, every girl I meet is into drugs or just drinks & party's. :\
 
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