There is something about pyjamas and sappy movies on DVD.
Something about taking two hours of the day to sit outside with friends. Stoned laughter and coffee, lots of sunshine.
Something about reminding yourself to breathe deeply.
And spending money on next week when you're unsure of having a job tomorrow.
There is definitely something to a cigarette. [Because being convinced that you need to quit doesn't erase that five minute pause that smokers grant themselves, and others take for granted.]
Something to choosing self-preservation even sanity over another's respect.
Something to getting hit on by a guy ten years younger than you.
And being called beautiful by a stranger. A friend describing your laugh as comforting.
There's something in looking up from the pillow that you've been sobbing into.
Wondering at the life-culmination that ends up in
being surprised that your tears have been called upon to fall.
You rely on your strength, then you have your meltdown, and you crawl through the uneasiness that follows.
Distractions are the only barrier standing against panic in the area between realization and consequence;
For there is no shame in pausing until you are ready, more confident that the water in your hand is holy enough to de-value simply de-prioritize the demons.
And during this intermission a lesson is learned:
There is something vital in acknowledging one moment of happiness out of an hour of pain.
When you know there will be an ending but you're forced to wait for your verdict outside the doors of peace of mind -
Better look for anything that makes you feel alive and make it mean something.
Something about taking two hours of the day to sit outside with friends. Stoned laughter and coffee, lots of sunshine.
Something about reminding yourself to breathe deeply.
And spending money on next week when you're unsure of having a job tomorrow.
There is definitely something to a cigarette. [Because being convinced that you need to quit doesn't erase that five minute pause that smokers grant themselves, and others take for granted.]
Something to choosing self-preservation even sanity over another's respect.
Something to getting hit on by a guy ten years younger than you.
And being called beautiful by a stranger. A friend describing your laugh as comforting.
There's something in looking up from the pillow that you've been sobbing into.
Wondering at the life-culmination that ends up in
being surprised that your tears have been called upon to fall.
You rely on your strength, then you have your meltdown, and you crawl through the uneasiness that follows.
Distractions are the only barrier standing against panic in the area between realization and consequence;
For there is no shame in pausing until you are ready, more confident that the water in your hand is holy enough to de-value simply de-prioritize the demons.
And during this intermission a lesson is learned:
There is something vital in acknowledging one moment of happiness out of an hour of pain.
When you know there will be an ending but you're forced to wait for your verdict outside the doors of peace of mind -
Better look for anything that makes you feel alive and make it mean something.
