Pillthrill
Bluelighter
July 2, 2007
No one knows the pain and how I've cried,
the abuse I've seen,
and the shame I hide.
The sweet girl with the innocent smile,
how her soul screams at night,
through every trial.
It is worth it all?
The suffereing I'm under?
What if I should fall into a unending slumber?
Always alone, always to cry
Never one to hold her tight and fell her,
that it will be alright, just to try.
Forget it all, every breath,
no one understands,
no one is left.
It seems that no matter how I try,
to please everyone.
I am left to cry,
when it all comes undone.
A kind heart is my burden to bear.
To never cause any harm.
It never turns out fair,
call of deceit and alarm.
Is it worth it even to try,
through all this pain?
To reach to the sky,
and still live a life of shame?
August 1, 2007
Everyday I cried,
the pain I can not longer hide.
Dreaming of love's sweet suicide.
Please know I tried.
August 15, 2007
Cold metal,
metallic click as I load,
sharp like my pain.
Heavy in my weak, shaking hands.
Unsure how hard to pull...
Fired.
I was scared, I jumped.
Was it all too late?
August 12, 2007
Drinks, razor blades and pills,
you think I do all this for thrills.
I'm trying to mask the pain I can't express.
Its putting my life to the test.
This is it, I'm going down
in my own blood I start to drown.
The darkness is closing in,
living in this pain was my biggest sin.
Behind the Smile
It seems that no on can understand how I feel.
I can't find the words to explain.
How do you express that your dying on the inside?
No on can seem to understand your pain.
That the world is crashing around you, your walking on broken glass.
Bleeding on the floor and no one to take my hand.
You can always help someone else, ease their fears and pain.
But can't seem to bring yourself to stand.
What would happen if you were no longer here?
Would they notice? Would they care?
Would you be quickly forgotten?
As just the girl with too much to bear?
I hate my heart. I heart my soul.
I hate the part that can't make me whole.
I hate my feelings. I hate my mind.
I hate the part that can be unkind.
I hate my looks. I hate my eyes.
I hate the part that believes your lies.
I hate my scars. I hate my voice.
I hate that I feel that I have no choice.
The Reason
Self-destruction, the desire
purification by fire?
A scream, a cry,
lest I die?
Do I need you
to be my rescue?
The pit of despair?
Do I even care?
Questions in vain,
it’s just to dull the pain.
I hate me, I hate my life,
full of hate and strife.
You can't see inside,
all the feelings I hide.
You think you see,
but no one sees me.
You don't know what I say,
No one knows the pain and how I've cried,
the abuse I've seen,
and the shame I hide.
The sweet girl with the innocent smile,
how her soul screams at night,
through every trial.
It is worth it all?
The suffereing I'm under?
What if I should fall into a unending slumber?
Always alone, always to cry
Never one to hold her tight and fell her,
that it will be alright, just to try.
Forget it all, every breath,
no one understands,
no one is left.
It seems that no matter how I try,
to please everyone.
I am left to cry,
when it all comes undone.
A kind heart is my burden to bear.
To never cause any harm.
It never turns out fair,
call of deceit and alarm.
Is it worth it even to try,
through all this pain?
To reach to the sky,
and still live a life of shame?
August 1, 2007
Everyday I cried,
the pain I can not longer hide.
Dreaming of love's sweet suicide.
Please know I tried.
August 15, 2007
Cold metal,
metallic click as I load,
sharp like my pain.
Heavy in my weak, shaking hands.
Unsure how hard to pull...
Fired.
I was scared, I jumped.
Was it all too late?
August 12, 2007
Drinks, razor blades and pills,
you think I do all this for thrills.
I'm trying to mask the pain I can't express.
Its putting my life to the test.
This is it, I'm going down
in my own blood I start to drown.
The darkness is closing in,
living in this pain was my biggest sin.
Behind the Smile
It seems that no on can understand how I feel.
I can't find the words to explain.
How do you express that your dying on the inside?
No on can seem to understand your pain.
That the world is crashing around you, your walking on broken glass.
Bleeding on the floor and no one to take my hand.
You can always help someone else, ease their fears and pain.
But can't seem to bring yourself to stand.
What would happen if you were no longer here?
Would they notice? Would they care?
Would you be quickly forgotten?
As just the girl with too much to bear?
I hate my heart. I heart my soul.
I hate the part that can't make me whole.
I hate my feelings. I hate my mind.
I hate the part that can be unkind.
I hate my looks. I hate my eyes.
I hate the part that believes your lies.
I hate my scars. I hate my voice.
I hate that I feel that I have no choice.
The Reason
Self-destruction, the desire
purification by fire?
A scream, a cry,
lest I die?
Do I need you
to be my rescue?
The pit of despair?
Do I even care?
Questions in vain,
it’s just to dull the pain.
I hate me, I hate my life,
full of hate and strife.
You can't see inside,
all the feelings I hide.
You think you see,
but no one sees me.
You don't know what I say,
