izzy66
Bluelighter
cultural, i fear. pervasive, too. awkward, insecure, full of fear, and a desperate need to feel somehow validated usually by nurturing something because it is all some girls have to give, so empty of self, so beaten by everything in their world. first in the "safety" of home, or rather the house where one was a child, fear is taught, threats, intimidation, no opinions, "shut that back talk", fires die to sparks and tears put them out. all taught in the place one should be protected and safe.
some girls walk through the years, pretending to smile, denying the obvious as we starve ourselves or eat ourselves into insulated oblivion. how can every observer turn away? why does the one who should protect attack instead, "you asked for it" and then turn away? "i told you. i told you i'd wash my hands of you."
some girls push away kindness, not trusting, knowing the price is never what it seems. it is easier to take a beating when one knows it is coming. kindness can hide violence until the lip curls back and the eyes quickly measure the fist's target. but then, kindness can be just kindness. still some girls run, afraid to trust, knowing it is just a matter of time... assumption is a cruel enemy, eroding, eating away at truths assumed to be too good to be real. pity the truly kind person who tries so hard to show some girls the difference of real trust.
battle, battle, try to believe, always steps back for each stride forward, that price, that price, that fucking price for everything, anything. to win one must lose... oh, but a loss does not insure a win. cruel reality, no irony accepted, and always the battle...to believe, to doubt, to run, to stay, to just be here today. no plans possible when one spends every bit of energy holding onto today before falling into exhausted uneasy slumber and waking to begin the battle again. how the hell does one achieve anything when completely consumed by getting by?
some girls are lucky. some girls don't know how to lose. some girls have no need to know. some girls have been safe. and loved. and wanted. and...
not beaten
not raped
not destroyed
and destroyed
and destroyed.
but some girls survive because it is all they know. side by side, i could not change but i would survive...
and stand
and stand
again
and again
and again
alive.
some girls walk through the years, pretending to smile, denying the obvious as we starve ourselves or eat ourselves into insulated oblivion. how can every observer turn away? why does the one who should protect attack instead, "you asked for it" and then turn away? "i told you. i told you i'd wash my hands of you."
some girls push away kindness, not trusting, knowing the price is never what it seems. it is easier to take a beating when one knows it is coming. kindness can hide violence until the lip curls back and the eyes quickly measure the fist's target. but then, kindness can be just kindness. still some girls run, afraid to trust, knowing it is just a matter of time... assumption is a cruel enemy, eroding, eating away at truths assumed to be too good to be real. pity the truly kind person who tries so hard to show some girls the difference of real trust.
battle, battle, try to believe, always steps back for each stride forward, that price, that price, that fucking price for everything, anything. to win one must lose... oh, but a loss does not insure a win. cruel reality, no irony accepted, and always the battle...to believe, to doubt, to run, to stay, to just be here today. no plans possible when one spends every bit of energy holding onto today before falling into exhausted uneasy slumber and waking to begin the battle again. how the hell does one achieve anything when completely consumed by getting by?
some girls are lucky. some girls don't know how to lose. some girls have no need to know. some girls have been safe. and loved. and wanted. and...
not beaten
not raped
not destroyed
and destroyed
and destroyed.
but some girls survive because it is all they know. side by side, i could not change but i would survive...
and stand
and stand
again
and again
and again
alive.
