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Some Benzo advise please for a recovering alcoholic

Clutchingatstraws

Clutchingatstraws

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2016
Messages
50
Location
Sunny England
Hi.

I had my most ever successful stop drinking attempt 110 days ago, but have now drunk on 11 of those 110 days (instead of on all 110 of them). 6 of those 11 days have been in the last 3 weeks and I can feel myself creeping back to full time drinking.

I'm not in panic mode about that yet, but I know I will be soon without some advice and building up my self-confidence again.

I stopped drinking after a short 5 day visit to hospital last Christmas, not drink related, and as I was making improvements in my drinking via a local health service anyway it struck me as the right time to progress and stop drinking for good. I did about 2 weeks, had one drinking session, then another 2 weeks etc and discovered that I was only drinking after visiting the people who were trying to help me stop drinking, I think the visit to them made me think about it and it became a negative, so we made a joint decision to stop my visits.

That good work has started to unravel a bit since then.

I was on sleeping pills (Amitriptyline) and diazepam 2mg, but not wanting to become dependent I agreed with my Doc to taper and stop, and then the drinking started to creep up.

I was supplementing with Diclazepam 1mg during that time I was stopping the drink btw.

So, I am not quite back to square one but would like some advise or recommendations as to benzo's I can take to relieve the anxiety I get that is causing me to drink more again.

I have ordered from a reputable vendor the following and would like some views. Please.

Nifoxipam - 2mg Pellets

Flubromazolam - 0.25mg Pellets

Flubromazepam - 4mg Pellets

and Diclazepam - 1mg Pellets

I'm back at the Doc's tomorrow for some Amitriptyline and diazepam 2mg, but would like advice please on the above for use in times of real need to assist me.

Thanks in advance.

Rob.
 
Be careful with those meds/substances. Have you talked to a doctor/specialist/knowledgable friend about any of your intentions regarding them?

I would say that hey, you're still early in your recovery, don't be so hard on yourself. You slipped up, but it is okay, because clearly you're the kind of person who pushes ahead and keep on trying. That is so awesome BTW, really you're a role model in terms of your resilancy in that regard.

Now that said, the road ahead is not an easy one. But you know this. And you can handle this. As long as you keep pushing forward, as long as you keep making healthier and healthier choices, more constructive and more constructive decisions, you will. It will take time no doubtably, but that is okay.

You'll make it out of this with your skin still intact, just trust me on that one :) If I can, anyone else can as well!
 
Benzos are a great way to synergize with alcoholism and make it spiral out of control quicker and at an intensity you cannot even fathom. You think you're having anxiety now, I promise you what you're feeling currently is just the tip of the iceberg. If you go through with it and take those benzos you're setting yourself up for a level of hell you didn't know was possible. I've been down the road you're at, 17 year alcoholic with a 10 year benzo kicker, it's literal hell to recover from. I would almost recommend in your situation that you turn to any other drug than benzos. Benzos are like high octane alcohol in pill form, and are the last thing alcoholics need to mess with. Good luck and be careful, they're very easy to OD on when mixing with alcohol. I lost count of how many times I ended up in the ER because of benzos and booze, and I stopped breathing on a number of occasions and had to be brought back.

If you really want to stop drinking, get the Vivitrol shot during a sober period. I got the shot when I got clean, and stayed on it for 8 months. Haven't had a craving in two years, and have been rebuilding my life since. It's awesome to b free from the prison that is alcoholism.
 
Forgot to mention, Vivitrol really decreased my anxiety levels. I know this isn't the case for everyone who has tried it, but for me it made early recovery manageable.
 
x_benzo_girl said:
Forgot to mention, Vivitrol really decreased my anxiety levels. I know this isn't the case for everyone who has tried it, but for me it made early recovery manageable.
Click to expand...

Very true, for ,any this isn't the case, and for many it is, all in all it can be a much more positive long term step than getting on a benzo generally is, there are just so few guarantees in this game. For early recovery, hell yeah, I say try anything! Naltrexone is a whole lot better than just any old idea!
 
Thanks for the advise, I'll read up on your suggestions. I have not ordered huge amounts of these benzos, 5 or 10 of each, and read up on them on here so I know strengths, half lifes etc, just wanted something to kick me a bit harder then the low dose diazepam and sleeping pills. I don't abuse these meds, I know the dangers, but thought having them for the bad days may assist, I doubt to be taking any off them daily, just on the difficult days. Thanks for being candid with me, I'll update as I progress and will follow up your comments.Thank you.Rob.
 
Good luck Rob! I'm rooting for you. Alcohol is tough to kick, but once you do it's such a liberating feeling.
 
You can do it my friend. As others have said be very careful with the benzos. They may lead to a relapse with drinking. I would suggest not buying them on line, and going to your doctor to suggest working on a more sustainable dosing regimen.

I had to quit a 10mg xanax, and 90mg temazepam dependence. It has been many moons and I still feel strange. You might want to try kratom for the anxiety. The withdrawal from daily use is a lot easier than benzos, and it does help with anxiety.
 
Don't try to detox from alcoholism yourself with benzos. This is extremely dangerous, as people have died from DIY alcohol detox, and you're just begging to become addicted to benzos.

Stay safe. Check into a local detox/rehab if you can.
 
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manboychef said:
You can do it my friend. As others have said be very careful with the benzos. They may lead to a relapse with drinking. I would suggest not buying them on line, and going to your doctor to suggest working on a more sustainable dosing regimen.

I had to quit a 10mg xanax, and 90mg temazepam dependence. It has been many moons and I still feel strange. You might want to try kratom for the anxiety. The withdrawal from daily use is a lot easier than benzos, and it does help with anxiety.
Click to expand...

Good post - very true. I second the suggestion for kratom. I used it in early recovery and it helped with both alcohol and benzos.
 
I'm a recovering alcoholic and I take klonipon. It hasn't created any problems for me in my sobriety and even when I drank I wasn't abusing the benzos. Granted mixing the two was a hot mess.

It's hard to stay sober if you're anxious about it. I think it's worth a try with a doctors supervision.
 
These last fer days have not been good, i'm strugling to type and used all the benzo's I have mentioned before, with one almost exception, I still hsve 8 Diclaxipn. I used thre others to get some knind of high from them, but that was pointless, I lost 3 days. Best I don't follow that route aain.

I've slept a lot and have small children and a larer wife who all still love me. I'm a nice guy, I'm justa a bit of a twat.

Back to the Doc's plan tomorrow and stop trying to self medicate, I thinks that's best.

Sorry to disturb you all.

Rob (s, if I sound a bit more with it riht noe, had to stop someone stealing the nrihbours new paving a few moments ago).

Never a dole moment...
 
Well, all the benzo's gone, got 4 strips of Amitriptyline left that Doc says to take one in morning and one at night. I'm drinking today, just my usual, nothing excessive, and have church in the morning (it's for the kids really, need to get them in a good school). I should put my hand up and state will power is not something I have in excess. I lost a few days due to the benzo's and have not had a chance to look into Vivitrol or kratom yet, but I will now. So sorry to pain you guys with my problems.

Kratom is looking helpful, is it legal in the Uk (yes, that is where I am).
 
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Don't be sorry for sharing us your story. It might even help others so just be proud of that you can write about what you are going through.

I wish you are succesfull in getting that habit in control or quitting alcohol totally which was pretty much only option for me years ago although I was just only drinking during weekends but it was still bothering me and wreaking havoc with my bipolar disorder.
 
Since age 13 , when I had my first taste of alcohol, I have not been able to function without something in my system. I don't drink all day, but I have in the past and I feel like I am just saying the same old story again and again. I need something to relax in the evening, I can't just sit and watch telly, and as much as I would like to be I am not a runner, weight lifter etc. I'm looking at Kratom, just to take the edge of the evenings when I am bored. I have tried often other drugs (I guess the most acceptable is cannabis) but that just makes me paranoid. I'm looking for some kind of mellow/ weak dissociative, something with a, not stimulative, but an euphoric feel to it? I am not explaining myself well, does anyone understand where I am coming from? The main thing is to give up the alcohol, for something milder and far less addictive, something I can say 'No, not tonight, but some tomorrow night' without 20 plus units of alcohol in it. Something I can enjoy and not throw my life away on. I'm open to any ideas, we even started going to Church a few months ago, but guess who smells of beer when he is here?
 
I can relate so much to what you say Clutchingatstraws. I was always the rough looking red eyed girl barely conscious but reeking of booze at various group events. Usually I had the shakes - sometimes they were so bad I couldn't hold a coffee mug. It sucks.

When I got off benzos and booze I used kratom early on and it helped. I struggled with benzo PAWS and used weed for a little while as well, as I was an absolute mess at that time. I think I understand what you are asking for, but I don't think it exists. In the end, whatever you found would probably become a daily habit, even if it's not as detrimental as booze.

Is there anyway you can go to inpatient rehab and then get the Vivitrol shot? I found Vivitrol really helped tone down my anxiety and it took away the cravings. After being on it for 8 months I swear it reset my brain to prealcoholic state, as it's been two years and I don't have any desire to drink nor do I get cravings. I suggest inpatient as if you're similar to me, it's really hard to stop on your own. I tried AA, outpatient, intensive outpatient, and finally inpatient...twice. I went so far as giving my family all my credit cards, my keys, my cash and unfortunately from online shopping I had memorized my debit card number so I could still get booze delivered to my house. I had to remove all chances of access. Sorry I don't have any better suggestions.
 
Hi again.


I have been hiding under a rock since last Thu. My dissociative turned up, 5 x 1/2 gram doses to give me a 5 day break from the drinking (I hope one day to figure out how that could possibly ever have been a good idea).


I use some other forums with other user names, regarding not just alcohol, so this may be posted elsewhere on the web, but suffice to say the 5 day supply became a 1 night supply (there is a pattern here...) and I came round in an ambulance.


Shit, it could have been a helicopter on the way to a Chinese body farm for all I knew. I was so far gone it they told me I was to filled with lead and dumped at sea I would not have cared, at times I thought my organs were going to be harvested, and again I cared not a jot.


Without wanting to make this a trip report, which it may become or already be on an epinephrine thread somewhere, I'll try to get you to where I am now.


I signed myself out the hospital within 12 hours of arrival, much to their annoyance, as they knew what I had taken but had no idea how to treat me or what it's effects on me may become, and also because it took me a good half hour to get across my intention as I could only slur my words in a cross between Bertie Wooster and Robert Mugabe.


Got home some how, found wife, drank a beer, took a couple of handfuls of multivitamins, had a bath and fell asleep in the garden.


By Saturday 4 good things had happened, one, I was able to talk, 2, I was able to walk more than 5 inches without having to hold onto something, 3, all visual and auditory hallucinations had finished and 4 my forgotten about order of 50 grams of Sumatra White Vein Kratom had arrived.


So, moving on, I had (have) no idea of dosages regarding this, so T&W a teaspoonful that morning (Tossed and Washed, not sure I am comfortable with the term, but there you go), and felt so calm within an hour I happily spent the day in the garden with just wife and kids, even my near constant crying and anxiety had gone, I forgot to mention those earlier.


Come drinking time however, 5pm ish, full anxiety was back, and full sadness, so had another teaspoon and felt ok, but not great, so I drank my 10 pints Sat night.


Spent sat night doing some research and today have had 1 x teaspoonful every 3 hours since waking and to be honest, I feel quite good, but not so good as to not drink, so I am here now with 7 pints.


I know I am not going to find stopping so hard this time as I spent so long clean recently, but feel I have purchased the wrong Kratom for my needs so am tapering the alcohol quick whilst I gather more info.


I'm taking about 3 of my Amitriptyline each day also, but feeling so much better about the near future again, I hope to be alcohol free again by this Sunday.


The question I have is what dosage and type of Kratom should I be considering ? ( I have a lot of notes, seems to suggest whole leaf Bali made as tea, but could also be Green Malay, and if not as tea, or T&W, then as a resin or smoked or what? I am looking but getting a little confused).


I'm forgetting the Benzo's and other Legal highs, Kratom had an immediate effect on me that was ALMOST exactly what I am looking for, and that has to be good. Yes?


Regarding the Vivitrol, from what I can find this is a no go in the UK right now, but my searching has been a little limited over the last week, also regarding inpatient I have been very successful in cutting down since Christmas, so it is a non starter right now, and finally I need to add that having small children already know to social services, I want to keep this as in house as possible.


My wife and kids are so loved by me, never harmed by me, I just need myself straightened out again.


It is a long hard road to sobriety, I thought I more or less had it in the can, but no, I have had another blip and the last thing they need is the SS sniffing around.


If I sound flippant or jovial in this post it is not because I treat this lightly, It is because having spent over 30 years with it, it's just how I explain myself.


There is not much more to add atm, but right now, I just need to know some advise on the Kratom, because I need to buy more soon, and the right one for my problems.


Thanks for your time, It's getting late and I will either check here later after reading up some more, or will log in tomorrow.


Sorry for long post, and for letting myself down.


R.

Would it be worth me seeking advise on possible mental health issue, or would that open another can of worms for me to worry about regarding my kids?

It's something my Mother mentioned years ago, but to my knowledge (and there are a lot of gaps in my memory) I never followed it up.

Would I just be seeking a label, or would I be moving forward?
 
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