milfhunter20
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2015
- Messages
- 14
Solo polydrug abuser at a crossroadsI'm 28, have been using moderately since early adolescence. Always valued my brain and education and the drugs sometimes interfered and sometimes expanded my capacity to write or comprehend things we were studying...Fast forward to college, attended art school for college where a lot of cocaine was inhaled in large groups. Got really tired of the house party scene. That's when I dropped marijuana use almost completely. Moved to a nightlife town, grew tired of bar culture too. That's when I dropped alcohol from my rotation of vices as well.
I like downers and anxiolytics, I like uppers in small amounts (I'm very sensitive to them). I don't treat psychedelic drugs as recreation but rather therapy, and use them VERY rarely. I use MDMA and similar empathogens/entactogens occasionally. I find using MDMA alone is also pretty therapeutic, especially for someone like me who suffers from flattened affect and flattened emotions in daily sobriety.
So here I am, I live alone and use alone. I work, have close friends but many are far away. Family is far away. Very few people irl know about any of my habits. Outward appearance is healthy, younger than my age. I don't hang out with any "drug" crowds and make sure I don't fall in with any groups that use together, because I know that leads to very irresponsible, unhealthy bingeing on my part.
Currently I lightly abuse pills (benzos, ADHD meds, z-drug sleep aides, gabapentin) which I am prescribed and mostly use for their intended purpose, but tend to take more than I need. I don't drug-seek w my shrink and am fairly open w him about wanting to minimize abuse potential, but I do play around with what he does give me and he isn't fully aware of my history of drug use.
I have been diagnosed with OCD, bipolar disorder (heavy on the depression with 1-2 major manic episodes in my lifetime) and anxiety/panic, as well as adult ADHD.
I have been using h (insufflated, sometimes smoked, never IV) for about a year now, about once a month (once meaning a several-day-long binge). This is where the "solo" thing becomes a problem, because I have nobody to administer naloxone or call 911 should I have an overdose.
In my topic title, by 'crossroads' I mean I am starting to consider starting a family in the next couple of years. My iron policy is that drugs and children will NEVER mix in my household, so if I were to adopt or give birth I would have to prepare well in advance to quit ALL my drug use. That's non-debatable. So I'm kind of living it up and balancing the desire to go into a total hedonistic party-all-the-time state for the next year or so, and a curiosity about going 'clean' entirely ahead of time. So I'm kind of choosing between these two paths right now, and it's sort of an all or nothing deal.
I also just like writing and reading about drug experiences and their chemistry and try to learn as much as possible about theories regarding self-medication, mental illness, bipolar kindling, polydrug abuse, and more....
I'll chat with most anyone about anything so feel free to PM me. I'm happy to join bluelight, finally!
I like downers and anxiolytics, I like uppers in small amounts (I'm very sensitive to them). I don't treat psychedelic drugs as recreation but rather therapy, and use them VERY rarely. I use MDMA and similar empathogens/entactogens occasionally. I find using MDMA alone is also pretty therapeutic, especially for someone like me who suffers from flattened affect and flattened emotions in daily sobriety.
So here I am, I live alone and use alone. I work, have close friends but many are far away. Family is far away. Very few people irl know about any of my habits. Outward appearance is healthy, younger than my age. I don't hang out with any "drug" crowds and make sure I don't fall in with any groups that use together, because I know that leads to very irresponsible, unhealthy bingeing on my part.
Currently I lightly abuse pills (benzos, ADHD meds, z-drug sleep aides, gabapentin) which I am prescribed and mostly use for their intended purpose, but tend to take more than I need. I don't drug-seek w my shrink and am fairly open w him about wanting to minimize abuse potential, but I do play around with what he does give me and he isn't fully aware of my history of drug use.
I have been diagnosed with OCD, bipolar disorder (heavy on the depression with 1-2 major manic episodes in my lifetime) and anxiety/panic, as well as adult ADHD.
I have been using h (insufflated, sometimes smoked, never IV) for about a year now, about once a month (once meaning a several-day-long binge). This is where the "solo" thing becomes a problem, because I have nobody to administer naloxone or call 911 should I have an overdose.
In my topic title, by 'crossroads' I mean I am starting to consider starting a family in the next couple of years. My iron policy is that drugs and children will NEVER mix in my household, so if I were to adopt or give birth I would have to prepare well in advance to quit ALL my drug use. That's non-debatable. So I'm kind of living it up and balancing the desire to go into a total hedonistic party-all-the-time state for the next year or so, and a curiosity about going 'clean' entirely ahead of time. So I'm kind of choosing between these two paths right now, and it's sort of an all or nothing deal.
I also just like writing and reading about drug experiences and their chemistry and try to learn as much as possible about theories regarding self-medication, mental illness, bipolar kindling, polydrug abuse, and more....
I'll chat with most anyone about anything so feel free to PM me. I'm happy to join bluelight, finally!
