Mental Health Social phobia destroying my life

[SlimJim82]

I'm having problems logging in so I'll just post this here even-though I wanted it to be posted in the mental health section, if a mod can PM me and tell me why I'm having problems logging in(I'm new, I don't know if i registered correctly but I think I did my user name is slimjim82) that would be great, but anyways here goes

Hi,
I'm new here, I've been lurking for a few weeks and have come to the conclusion that there are some decent people here who maybe able to help me.

I just typed out a detailed account of my problems but because I wasn't logged in properly it just went up in smoke. So i'll try to repost it.

First of a bit of background info:

I don't know if my drug use is completely responsible for my problems but I'll say what I have used, I've never used hard drugs, I smoke weed and take Coke on the weekends, when I was younger I took Es, just party drugs thats all I've ever been into and am still into, now its more of a every other weekend habit with the coke, whenever I go out to clubs I take coke and because I come from Ireland the Coke probably ain't that strong just mixed with other crap to give you a buzz.

As for my problem - I'll try to explain it as best as I can.

As I said I suffer from social phobia and have anxiety/panic attacks when I'm with people who I'm not comfortable with - strangers. It mainly happens in a work related environment and it has nothing to do with being embarrassed, I mean someone could ask me what time it is and I will go bright purple and start to sweat. This has taken over my life, I dropped out of university because of it and I left many jobs in the past because of it, I can't even go out with my friends unless I've had a few drinks. After a day of blushing and sweating at the slightest thing it can be hard to pick myself up and go back into work the next day. But now because I'm getting on in life (im 30 years old) I have stopped walking away from jobs and have stuck in my current job for a while despite the fact the problem is worse than ever. I mean I feel like a complete wanker each day I walk into work, I dont speak to anyone I constantly feel like I'm going to start crying, I mean Its just fucked up nothing I do lifts my mood, I just go in do my work and go home and get completely stoned to take the edge off eventhough I know I shouldn't smoke it because it makes my anxiety 10x worse.

I don't talk to any one in work because I fear I'll blush or start to sweat, I think my colleagues think I'm a freak and I couldn't blame them, I recently went for a job interview and I sweated bullets but surprisingly did a decent interview, anyways they came back to the agency and said that I and another candidate were in for the running for this job. I couldn't believe it that they were actually considering hiring me due to the blushing and sweating attacks I had during the interview but the girl who conducted the interview wanted me to come back for another interview she said that on paper I was the most experienced and she wanted to give me another chance. But when she spoke to her CEo he said there ain't gong to be a second interview pick between the two. Well anyway she choose the other person and she was honest to me why she didn't pick me - she said that we were afraid how you would interact with other members of staff and with the public - ie we fear you would turn into a sweaty mess like you did in the interview. While I was happy that they told the truth, it has set me back, now I have lost out on many jobs in the past due to my blushing/sweating problem but this is the first time that an employer has actually been honest and said straight up that this is why they are not hiring me. And I must say it hit me hard even though it confirmed what I always suspected - afterall who wants a guy who blushes and sweats just because you say hello to him to work for them? I know I wouldn't

But anyway I've been given Citroplam and other variations of this drug(for the last 7 years or so) by my doctor, except for the early placebo effect they have done nothing in fact I think they have made me worse. Well I'm going back to my doctor this week as my parents made an appointment because they are getting worried because I told them that I have given up on life and can no longer stick the daily humiliations of my life. i have no real intention of committing suicide but man I'm so low now that even drink and coke are no longer lifting me out of my slumber. I sit most days in work on the verge of breaking down crying, and the people I work with just stare at me as if to say who is this freak?

I've read on here that some benzos(to be honest before I came on here I had no idea what these are and still don't) can help with anxiety, would it be a good idea if I suggested to my doctor that I want xanax or some other benzo? or would he think that I'm just fishing for drugs?

People have you any suggestions? Can anyone relate to what I'm saying?

 

[SlimJim82]

Just to clarify things regarding the last paragraph, this is not the first time I've gone back to my doc in 7 years, he has given me different versions of cipralex(spelling) over the years and referred me to Cognitive behavioral therapy, although I've never got an appointment for this. I've regularly visited my doc to try to resolve this problem but although he seems like a good doc he just keeps prescribing the same sort of drugs and they do nothing.....what can be done, any advice?

 

[ad lib]

I don't know if my drug use is completely responsible for my problems but I'll say what I have used, I've never used hard drugs, I smoke weed and take Coke on the weekends, when I was younger I took Es, just party drugs thats all I've ever been into and am still into, now its more of a every other weekend habit with the coke, whenever I go out to clubs I take coke and because I come from Ireland the Coke probably ain't that strong just mixed with other crap to give you a buzz.

As for my problem - I'll try to explain it as best as I can.

As I said I suffer from social phobia and have anxiety/panic attacks when I'm with people who I'm not comfortable with - strangers. It mainly happens in a work related environment and it has nothing to do with being embarrassed, I mean someone could ask me what time it is and I will go bright purple and start to sweat. This has taken over my life, I dropped out of university because of it and I left many jobs in the past because of it, I can't even go out with my friends unless I've had a few drinks. After a day of blushing and sweating at the slightest thing it can be hard to pick myself up and go back into work the next day. But now because I'm getting on in life (im 30 years old) I have stopped walking away from jobs and have stuck in my current job for a while despite the fact the problem is worse than ever. I mean I feel like a complete wanker each day I walk into work, I dont speak to anyone I constantly feel like I'm going to start crying, I mean Its just fucked up nothing I do lifts my mood, I just go in do my work and go home and get completely stoned to take the edge off eventhough I know I shouldn't smoke it because it makes my anxiety 10x worse.

I don't talk to any one in work because I fear I'll blush or start to sweat, I think my colleagues think I'm a freak and I couldn't blame them, I recently went for a job interview and I sweated bullets but surprisingly did a decent interview, anyways they came back to the agency and said that I and another candidate were in for the running for this job. I couldn't believe it that they were actually considering hiring me due to the blushing and sweating attacks I had during the interview but the girl who conducted the interview wanted me to come back for another interview she said that on paper I was the most experienced and she wanted to give me another chance. But when she spoke to her CEo he said there ain't gong to be a second interview pick between the two. Well anyway she choose the other person and she was honest to me why she didn't pick me - she said that we were afraid how you would interact with other members of staff and with the public - ie we fear you would turn into a sweaty mess like you did in the interview. While I was happy that they told the truth, it has set me back, now I have lost out on many jobs in the past due to my blushing/sweating problem but this is the first time that an employer has actually been honest and said straight up that this is why they are not hiring me. And I must say it hit me hard even though it confirmed what I always suspected - afterall who wants a guy who blushes and sweats just because you say hello to him to work for them? I know I wouldn't

But anyway I've been given Citroplam and other variations of this drug(for the last 7 years or so) by my doctor, except for the early placebo effect they have done nothing in fact I think they have made me worse. Well I'm going back to my doctor this week as my parents made an appointment because they are getting worried because I told them that I have given up on life and can no longer stick the daily humiliations of my life. i have no real intention of committing suicide but man I'm so low now that even drink and coke are no longer lifting me out of my slumber. I sit most days in work on the verge of breaking down crying, and the people I work with just stare at me as if to say who is this freak?

I've read on here that some benzos(to be honest before I came on here I had no idea what these are and still don't) can help with anxiety, would it be a good idea if I suggested to my doctor that I want xanax or some other benzo? or would he think that I'm just fishing for drugs?

People have you any suggestions? Can anyone relate to what I'm saying?

So many people suffer with what you do, SlimJim, so you are certainly not alone. I have social anxiety also so I can relate to what you are describing.

SSRI's can be hit or miss. Have you tried SNRI's? For example, venlafaxine (Effexor). I used to take that for social anxiety and it did help me. The reason why I stopped taking it is because it had some odd side effects (just things like dry mouth, upset stomach, etc). It may be something you want to look into, it may also help with your depression.

Your cocaine use may contribute to your anxiety. Try taking a break from it for a while and see if that makes a difference. Even though it may not be "good quality", it can still influence your thoughts, emotions, etc.

Benzodiazepines will work, yes. But that's a slippery slope to get onto. Benzos are (generally) used as a secondary means to help with anxiety because of their half life and potential for addiction. Talk with your doctor, and if you are not already, try seeing a psychiatrist so s/he may be able to diagnose and help you further. The results may not be immediate, it may take some trial and error, but be patient. You're doing the right thing by seeking help. You don't deserve to feel depressed and anxious every day of your life.

Keep us updated.

 

[SlimJim82]

Thanks for your reply but to be honest I'm completely ignorant about the names of medication, before i was given cipralex or whatever they are called I was given betablockers? apart from that I've not been given anything else. I have been referred to do CBT but over here its underfunfded and you are just put on a waiting list to get a consultation and then after that god only knows how long it will be to actually start the process.

But its just lately I feel like I'm really crashing, I mean as soon as I walk through the doors of my work i start to sweat and if anyone speaks to me I just turn into an idiot, and its so embarrassing, i know I'm no genius but my god I feel like a complete idiot in this place I can't speak and I don't know if its my paranoia but I think they are all making fun of me which has led to me being pretty rude, by just walking straight past people without saying hello or anything.

So my current predicament is partly my fault too, but I just need some advice on the different medication you can take to help for this because my doctor is not budging he says what I'm taking now is most helpful..the exact name is citalopram 20mg, they do nothing but i get withdrawal symptoms from them because I've been taking them for the best part of 7 years...I hate them, they do nothing but make me feel drowsy....whats the meds you are talking about are they helpful?

 

[herbavore]

Slimjim, that does indeed sound like a torture that would be hard for anyone to endure. I know that for me learning and integrating mindfulness techniques has been the most helpful for my anxiety. have you ever looked into anything like that? Phobias are hard to treat but they are treatable. It seems important to find a doctor who is not simply going to suggest a drug but maybe one that is more knowledgeable about extreme phobias--a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist or regular MD.

i think one of the worst things about having anxiety is the anxiety that we develop over the anxiety! We just keep deepening the mental rut by worrying that we will always be trapped in worry. For me, understanding that worry is a futile attempt to control the future has been very freeing.

I'm glad that you chose to write about this here. Not having to be face to face will be a really good tool for you as you work through this. I have faith that you can conquer this and change course with patience and self-acceptance.

 

[opiaterock]

Slimjim, I'm also from Ireland and aged 30 and suffer from social anxiety.. I always had some anxiety but I had a massive panic attack in '08 triggered by one joint of hash - my life has been a mess since. Doctor first put me on some beta blockers that didn't really help then the same drug as you Citalopram which I stayed on for some months but it didnt really help, well it did a little but it gave me weird dreams and I put on some extra weigth so I stopped taking them.

I started buying benzos off the street pretty heavily in the end which wasnt the best idea because they are sooo addictive, I am now on 15mg diazepam (valium) per day which does relieve the anxiety but If I could go back I would have stuck out the CBT for longer as that seemed to be the best therapy for the anxiety I was feeling

Like you I felt the very same in work, but CBT is great they teach you how to change your thought patterns in certain situations - I had to wait like 6 months aswell for the appointment but it was definitely worth it... If I could go back now I would stick with the CBT and not the benzos.. like you I was into e's and stopped taking them then just coke and drink

First thing I would do if I was you is stop the weed/hash it made my anxety 1000X worse - then try to do some excercise if you dont already.. Then go to your dotor and tell them these anti-depressants (Citalopram) are shit for your anxiety, be honest tell him how its affecting you

... anyway I ended up now where I have no anxiety but a bad benzo and small heroin habit..still have a (good) job but life is shit, benzos will relieve the anxiety but they rob you of your motiviation & ambition and you seem like a dude who is going places in the world

What part of the country are you in? If you wana PM me feel free

 

[cbtodacb]

SlimJim I am exactly like you, if not worse. You got to get some meds that work for you man. Look at some of the threads I started about my condition and see what insightful responses I got regarding my predicament. In brief, look into Lyrica, Klonopin, Valium etc.
I feel you brother, it is a living hell, but don't give up man.
Send up some prayers too man.