Mental Health Social Anxiety

[Sirena Oscura]

I understand why many love their university period; first drugs, alcohol, parties, first loves, etc.

But in my case, not even that could make me happy or feel part of a group. When I was drinking or using drugs I felt excellent but eventually that feeling disappeared when the effects of the drugs / alcohol wears off.

I think my best period was between 13-16 years. I'm going to rectify what I wrote earlier and say that 17-18 was when I began to isolate myself from everyone.

No worries, no drugs, no alcohol (ok maybe a bit lol). Just play Playstation all day and go to school. Those were my two concerns. I loved those years. In fact, I still maintain communication with several of my friends from those years.

Anyone know what will be the most effective drug for social anxiety, besides benzos? I have taken sertraline, escitalopram (but for a very short time so I can't tell how effective it was), fluoxetine and venlafaxine (the most effective). Every time I go to a psych/doc prescribes me sertraline, despite telling them that I don't like it and that I have never noticed much improvement with it. Damn fuckers.

I’m afraid you’re on or have been on all the right things. Different things work for different people though. Meds are not the be all and end all though. Are you seeing a psychologist regularly? Are you doing everything you’re supposed to re: relaxation techniques?

 

[supersonic89]

I’m afraid you’re on or have been on all the right things. Different things work for different people though. Meds are not the be all and end all though. Are you seeing a psychologist regularly? Are you doing everything you’re supposed to re: relaxation techniques?

No, I'm not seeing any of them. I would like to see it in any case.

I understand your point about meds, in fact exercise helped me more than any med in the past. But, right now I have zero motivation to do it. Although I am not an anti-med either, I believe that in some cases it must be used in conjunction with therapy or other things that are not a drug.

What do you think has helped you the most?

 

[Sirena Oscura]

No, I'm not seeing any of them. I would like to see it in any case.

I understand your point about meds, in fact exercise helped me more than any med in the past. But, right now I have zero motivation to do it. Although I am not an anti-med either, I believe that in some cases it must be used in conjunction with therapy or other things that are not a drug.

What do you think has helped you the most?

Not meds. Psychotherapy takes a long time to be effective but it’s really the only “cure”. You can medicate away symptoms but not get rid of the cause. You need psychotherapy to get at and fix the cause, a long with the adjunctive therapy like your relaxation techniques- mindfulness, meditation, paced breathing, self care, etc. Not saying I’m any better- I don’t do that stuff.... and look where I am, absolutely no where! Don’t be like me. Be better than me.

 

[LordOfThisWorld]

I suffer from social anxiety.

 

[supersonic89]

Not meds. Psychotherapy takes a long time to be effective but it’s really the only “cure”. You can medicate away symptoms but not get rid of the cause. You need psychotherapy to get at and fix the cause, a long with the adjunctive therapy like your relaxation techniques- mindfulness, meditation, paced breathing, self care, etc. Not saying I’m any better- I don’t do that stuff.... and look where I am, absolutely no where! Don’t be like me. Be better than me.

But you do do psychotherapy, right?

I didn't feel like my last therapist was of much use to me, but it was a very short time, maybe I should have given her more time like you said. But, also I had to move to another city and I couldn't keep going to that therapist. Then came the C19 and everything went to hell. I would like to try that exposure therapy or something like that. Has anyone tried?

P.S. I think that social anxiety is closely linked to self-esteem. When I worked out/exercised every day, my self-esteem was through the roof and my social anxiety was almost like a little shyness. I wish I had the motivation to pick up a dumbbell again.

 

[Sirena Oscura]

But you do do psychotherapy, right?

I didn't feel like my last therapist was of much use to me, but it was a very short time, maybe I should have given her more time like you said. But, also I had to move to another city and I couldn't keep going to that therapist. Then came the C19 and everything went to hell. I would like to try that exposure therapy or something like that. Has anyone tried?

P.S. I think that social anxiety is closely linked to self-esteem. When I worked out/exercised every day, my self-esteem was through the roof and my social anxiety was almost like a little shyness. I wish I had the motivation to pick up a dumbbell again.

I see a psychologist yeah, and did a skills work shop (I have a complex diagnosis not limited to social anxiety it’s just by product of it- trauma takes years to work through). Put it this way- you don’t get social anxiety over night and you’re not going to lose it overnight. It takes time and challenging your own beliefs. Everyone has different core reasons behind social anxiety but yeah self esteem generally has to do with it in some form or another. If working out helps then that’s good- diet, exercise, sleep, relaxation techniques all play a factory. Just like it takes a lot of plying with medication to find any that helps you (if at all) it can take seeing different therapists until you find one that fits you.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Luckily social anxiety can diminish with age. I suffered greatly from it when I was younger and it really held me back in life. That's why I turned to heroin. Since coming off heroin my social anxiety seems to have disappeared.

Now I'm just an ageing alcoholic that couldn't give a fuck anymore.

 

[Sirena Oscura]

*writes that down* ... become a heroin addict....

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

*writes that down* ... become a heroin addict....

No, please dont think I'm advocating that as a remedy. It's not. However, it did teach me a lot about myself that I would otherwise have been unable to see. Sometimes you have to dredge the depths of your soul to find what really matters.

How old are you @Sirena Oscura ?

I'm in my 50s and finally have the confidence that I should have had in my 20s.

But it's never too late...

 

[Sirena Oscura]

No, please dont think I'm advocating that as a remedy. It's not. However, it did teach me a lot about myself that I would otherwise have been unable to see. Sometimes you have to dredge the depths of your soul to find what really matters.

How old are you @Sirena Oscura ?

I'm in my 50s and finally have the confidence that I should have had in my 20s.

But it's never too late...

29, 30 next June.

Maybe shit will get easier

 

[Bella Figura]

Shit will get easier Sirena!

I've suffered from shyness which turned into crippling hermit like reclusivity and panic attacks as I got older. The best way to get over it sadly is to expose yourself to what you are fearful of, slowly but surely.

As a musician I seemed to have no problem playing concerts, singing in front of crowds etc But still just the thought of making a phone call / having to have a sober conversation with someone, fills me with terror.

You'd be surprised how much people probably want to engage with you, you're probably smarter / more interesting than most just by being on an internet forum.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Shit will get easier Sirena!

I've suffered from shyness which turned into crippling hermit like reclusivity and panic attacks as I got older. The best way to get over it sadly is to expose yourself to what you are fearful of, slowly but surely.

As a musician I seemed to have no problem playing concerts, singing in front of crowds etc But still just the thought of making a phone call / having to have a sober conversation with someone, fills me with terror.l

You'd be surprised how much people probably want to engage with you, you're probably smarter / more interesting than most just by being on an internet forum.

Yeh, that is so true. I couldn't speak to real people due to my anxiety. But when it came to performing on stage I fared a damn sight better than the rest of the band.

 

[Sirena Oscura]

Shit will get easier Sirena!

I've suffered from shyness which turned into crippling hermit like reclusivity and panic attacks as I got older. The best way to get over it sadly is to expose yourself to what you are fearful of, slowly but surely.

As a musician I seemed to have no problem playing concerts, singing in front of crowds etc But still just the thought of making a phone call / having to have a sober conversation with someone, fills me with terror.

You'd be surprised how much people probably want to engage with you, you're probably smarter / more interesting than most just by being on an internet forum.

I joined my profession despite knowing I had social anxiety because I thought the exposure would teach me how to be less anxious. Not so. It just taught me how to hide it better and approach situations even when I’m terrified- something that is kind of a problem, I tend to force myself into uncomfortable situations because that’s what my parents did, instead of listening to my feelings and doing the necessary therapy work to deal with them and modify my thoughts and beliefs. Dissociation is a part of my cluster of symptoms- that’s how I get through life, detaching and compartmentalising, rationalising feelings away... Brings its own set of problems- like you, those feelings then “leak out” in other ways through nightmares, panic attacks and SHSI.

 

[Bella Figura]

You say not so, but...

Think about what you would be like if you hadn't exposed yourself to those situations at all? The misery of not working and still being terrified regardless is even worse IME...

Speaking for myself, my anxiety disorder got so bad the more I shut myself away from others, I also had the means to do so which made things even worse.

If you think your profession is making things worse, you could always change? I still have nightmares about jobs I hated, but in hindsight, those experiences were still good for me, despite what I thought at the time.

 

[Sirena Oscura]

You say not so, but...

Think about what you would be like if you hadn't exposed yourself to those situations at all? The misery of not working and still being terrified regardless is even worse IME...

Speaking for myself, my anxiety disorder got so bad the more I shut myself away from others, I also had the means to do so which made things even worse.

If you think your profession is making things worse, you could always change? I still have nightmares about jobs I hated, but in hindsight, those experiences were still good for me, despite what I thought at the time.

I dunno. My house mate seems pretty happy. I think it’s different for everyone I don’t see it as an option anyway. Nah, I knew since I was 16 what I wanted to do and helping people is a very important attribute to me. I put up with all the crappy parts same way I put up with everything else I hate I’m always looking at ways to improve my lot, but until then what can ya doooo. There are many good reasons to hate and fear others and society at large, but you can’t change them, only how you deal with them. You can never avoid all people all the time. The idea is for therapy to help you learn to cope with that long term.

 

[SunriseChampion]

29, 30 next June.

Maybe shit will get easier

Defo!

Around the time I turnt 30, I remember a bit of a feeling of "We've run out of fucks to give!" washed over me. It was liberating. I mean, it probably coincided with developments in my life, but to me, it was defo proof that an accrual of life experiences lends itself well to a more relaxed state of being.

 

[SunriseChampion]

The idea is for therapy to help you learn to cope with that long term.

Is putting yourself into situations you find uncomfortable not part of your therapy? I thought it normally was in these situations.
You say you don't find it helpful to do so though. Do you sort of force yourself to do it because of your profession, without thinking about how you feel and why you feel that way?
Or does trying to rationalise your feelings not really help?

 

[Sirena Oscura]

Is putting yourself into situations you find uncomfortable not part of your therapy? I thought it normally was in these situations.
You say you don't find it helpful to do so though. Do you sort of force yourself to do it because of your profession, without thinking about how you feel and why you feel that way?
Or does trying to rationalise your feelings not really help?

This is hard to explain without the requisite knowledge in psychology. Being emotionally healthy means experiencing your emotions, not dissociating from them (detaching, compartmentalising, rationalising to the point of not feeling; numbing out). It’s part of my job to see people in immense pain and misfortune, but without skipping a beat I need to render assistance as even small delays can affect the outcome with life threatening results. Dissociation (the clinical type) is a trauma response. I’m not going to get into why I dissociate, just that I do under a variety of circumstances for various reasons including social anxiety, and psychologically speaking it’s a defence you create when you’re incapable of fighting or flighting from trauma such as in childhood. It also becomes a learned response to many situations as a result of anything from stress to boredom- its all about neurodevelopment. Neuroplasticity is a thing though which means it can be unlearned- through therapy and all the things I’ve mentioned before. The idea is to do work into grief and trauma, engage in strategies to reduce stress and therefore the need to dissociate and then learn new thoughts and behaviours that are akin to socialising in a healthy way that doesn’t cause intense dissociation from fear- you literally cannot get better without first dealing with dissociation as a sympto- putting yourself in situations that cause it just reinforces it, it doesn’t cure it.

Anyway this thread isn’t about me............

 

[supersonic89]

Luckily social anxiety can diminish with age. I suffered greatly from it when I was younger and it really held me back in life. That's why I turned to heroin. Since coming off heroin my social anxiety seems to have disappeared.

Now I'm just an ageing alcoholic that couldn't give a fuck anymore.

Yeah man. I feel the same. Now that I'm 30, I feel sooo much less anxiety than when I was 18.

And I have a somewhat similar opinion to yours, when it comes to drug use.

PS. So for all the youngest (users and guests reading this), every day it gets easier.

 

[LordOfThisWorld]

I feel less social anxiety than when I was younger but I still feel it, I don’t like going to parties or being around a lot of people.

My company is having a Christmas party and I’m dreading it already.

I’m not a spotlight person.

it’s why I’m on anti anxiety medication, everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and go to work, I always feel like I’m not doing a good job or won’t learn the job.