Social anxiety

[lars90]

Okay first of id like to start with saying fuck! I know Social anxiety and I have a real problem Im only 15 years old going on to 16 in april. My problem is that I use to be "bullied". Kids use to be so mean to me because I was also usally in a very bad mood but I have always wanted to change. Everyday in my life I use to think before I went to school. Okay be nice try not to say anything stupid and try not to get into any fight. Well thats all over but its been like that on and off in my life. Read my other thread "Finally Im accepted but what if?" if you wanna know more about the place im at. And my whole life I have always wanted to be diffrent. I also have this wierd trate to take other personalities. Like I have a good rucian friend who has no problems speeking to girls I usally dont ether it depends on my curent state and if I know her and if hes with me or not. So he has this thing hes maybe a little slow minded and I imitate that he doent stotter really but he likes to talk in chunks. Its hard to explain hers a sentance every - means a short brak like half a second. "And how- are you--" Ahhh I jut cvant really explain but I do the exsact same thing when Im with him or talking to girls becaus eit gives me stenght. Its not just that but I like take over his whole personality and am like to 50% him and to 50 myself if their even is myself because I feel like I hardly have a personality. I dont just do it with him but also with anyone else who I admire. Its like I cant find myself.

always when I am in public and I meet new people I start swetting, stottering, I dont know what to say, I get really stressed and im scared. I am scared to go back where I use to be. I know life is not a pattern so why should I go back? Its just if poeple are at a higher level than me I have so much trouble speeking to them I feel akward and dumb and all photos of me always look wierd if Im with poeple that are "higher" than myself.

I dont know if the cause was my child hood or the fact that I had a crash on DXM (To make a long story short I took a asprin before and was high for 4 weeks read my other threads if you wanna know more) or both but I really have a noticiable social problem. I have so many troubles when I didnt drink before, but the thing is I dont want to drink my problems away I just want to be a normal teen!

I cant tell my parents because Im scared they think it was just a temporary problem and that its just a teen thing. I dont know what they would say and why I even knew about this illness. For a fact I think it might even come from DXM because the heart beat also started with DXM..


What do I do? Can I just wait until im 18 and then do all the therapies I need or do I have to do it know? I dont wanna live with a Social anxiety disorder so please give me your storys blog links or advice

-Lars

 

[pokepoke420]

Hey buddy, I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this. I too suffer from social anxiety. I used to take Zoloft from the age of 14-20, and it made me so comfortable with everything. I had no anxiety, nothing. I was the life of the party, I was the guy people looked up to. When I quit taking medicine, I had to re-learn to basically live my life. I no longer can go to parties where I don't know anyone and meet new friends, I just get this awful feeling everyones looking at me, talking about me, etc. What I have learned, and it is hard, you just have to brush it off and not care. You are quite young, so my advice to you is... It DOES get better. I know, so generic. But it really does bud. I am so sorry you get bullied, I hate hearing stories about that. I just read in the news a few minutes ago a young girl in Toronto took her own life because of it. Kids are so mean, but remember. You ARE better than these kids, if you are not contributing to the problem by bullying, you are a wonderful human being. Keep your head held high, go to the gym, do karate classes.. Play basketball, go be active, be proud of who you are and you will see these problems (with time) will vanish. You don't have to be the most attractive dude in the world, but do you know what confidence does to a girl? Girls see confidence more than looks (if they don't you are talking to the wrong one).

 

[llama112]

I'm sorry you're dealing with social anxiety and everything. It's tough. Why do you have to wait until you're 18 to see a therapist? Why not go now? I don't see why you have to wait a few years. It might be cheaper for you to go now, especially if you have health insurance (from your parents) and maybe kids therapy appointments are cheaper (not sure). Worthwhile to check out some places in your area though. I highly recommend it.

You've gotta figure out exactly what it is that you're scared of. When you're in a social situation, what is it that makes you anxious? What are you scared of? What is it that makes you so nervous? Try to figure out the root of the problem.
I've also found that, in some situations, it helps to figure out the "worst possible scenario". Ex. So let's say I have a presentation for school. I'm super anxious because I've got to get up in front of a bunch of people and do some presentation. That's probably something you're nervous about too, since that's social anxiety. Before doing the presentation, think about the worst that could happen. You're worried about stumbling over your words? Okay, so what's so bad about that? What would happen if you stumbled over your words? Go from there. You will likely find that the "worst possible scenario" isn't really that bad after all.

I'd love to write more, I don't have much time, but I will try and come back to this thread later

 

[captaincaveman]

Hi Lars, I've followed your posts often and social anxiety is something that can get to anyone (I know an IT whiz who is the system architect for a major mulinational company and gets it bad). I'm not going to suggest meds as I personally think they're handed out like sweets. You're 15 (15!) everyone at this age is prone to nerves in social situations.

I'll tell you what worked for me, martial arts and sport. You won't believe the change you feel when you push yourself into uncomfortable situations. Wing Chun then Thai Bxoing made me more confident (I don't mean 'I can kick your ass' type confidence) but you may find that you have a bit more swagger. Physical exercise is a great cure for anxiey, maybe to do with endorphins I'm not an expert. Give it a try, better than relying on meds (this is just my opinion) but remember at your age social anxiety is normal, nothing wrong with you. Use the energy you expend on being anxious on something positive. I can't box anymore but was licensed for 8 years. Give it a try mate. There's some good clubs in Germany, even better in the states, not as good as the UK's Kaoban but give it a go

 

[lars90]

pokepoke420 :
great reply thanks. I dont get bullyed anymore hasent been for like 2 years now but I guess the origen of the problem is that I scared going back to that position and I really dont want to...

Hi Lars, I've followed your posts often and social anxiety is something that can get to anyone (I know an IT whiz who is the system architect for a major mulinational company and gets it bad). I'm not going to suggest meds as I personally think they're handed out like sweets. You're 15 (15!) everyone at this age is prone to nerves in social situations.

I'll tell you what worked for me, martial arts and sport. You won't believe the change you feel when you push yourself into uncomfortable situations. Wing Chun then Thai Bxoing made me more confident (I don't mean 'I can kick your ass' type confidence) but you may find that you have a bit more swagger. Physical exercise is a great cure for anxiey, maybe to do with endorphins I'm not an expert. Give it a try, better than relying on meds (this is just my opinion) but remember at your age social anxiety is normal, nothing wrong with you. Use the energy you expend on being anxious on something positive. I can't box anymore but was licensed for 8 years. Give it a try mate. There's some good clubs in Germany, even better in the states, not as good as the UK's Kaoban but give it a go

Alright might look into to kick boxing. comming monday I will be doing on mondays and saturdays free running/tricking/parkur(Is basicly doing flips and stuff like that) then I will be playing tennis on wensdays and Ill be going to the finess studio on 3 other days of my chois in the week so Ill be doing sport 6 times a week. Which is pretty good I think. I meen Im pretty fit and Ive changed allot dont get me wrong its not Like Im this guy nobody likes anymore I got friends plenty but I really do notice and that when I push my self to meet new people that it is hard to talk with them. Usally later on when I heard a little of them it get easyier or when one of my good frineds is with me.
Its just all the people who dont have social anxiety and belive me their arent many who dont have it at all but when they do they always have a great life. I meen like theirs this girl in my clas actually 3 but then theirs this one that is pretty she has a boy friend shes honest shes strait up and funny its just like she is perfekt and she has no social anxiety. But that doent go for all the people who dont have it. Its just life would be so much easyier without it...

 

[lars90]

I'm sorry you're dealing with social anxiety and everything. It's tough. Why do you have to wait until you're 18 to see a therapist? Why not go now? I don't see why you have to wait a few years. It might be cheaper for you to go now, especially if you have health insurance (from your parents) and maybe kids therapy appointments are cheaper (not sure). Worthwhile to check out some places in your area though. I highly recommend it.

You've gotta figure out exactly what it is that you're scared of. When you're in a social situation, what is it that makes you anxious? What are you scared of? What is it that makes you so nervous? Try to figure out the root of the problem.
I've also found that, in some situations, it helps to figure out the "worst possible scenario". Ex. So let's say I have a presentation for school. I'm super anxious because I've got to get up in front of a bunch of people and do some presentation. That's probably something you're nervous about too, since that's social anxiety. Before doing the presentation, think about the worst that could happen. You're worried about stumbling over your words? Okay, so what's so bad about that? What would happen if you stumbled over your words? Go from there. You will likely find that the "worst possible scenario" isn't really that bad after all.

I'd love to write more, I don't have much time, but I will try and come back to this thread later

Llama its not the money dont get me wrong but Im a spender. I know money is important an stuff but I woulndt mind spending it on that. It more the embarresment from my brothers and parents. Like I alreade mentioned.

what is it that makes you anxious? : I get anxious when I think about that the people might get a bad picture of me and not like me and start to hurt me mentally.
What are you scared of? Im scred of the fact that they might be stonger minded more self confident and that they could smash me if they wanted even though I know they woundt inless I did something really stupid but I dont really think about it when im in that psosition eveen though I think its the problem
What is it that makes you so nervous? Probably the explained above : ...

Probaly everabody laughing at me because I said something stupid stotterd or spoke out the wrong words....

 

[Vaya]

Hey lars90,

Social anxiety also falls under the broader umbrella of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. From what I gather, most (if not all) of your symptoms seem to be relegated to social situations - especially those that you find particularly distressing, such as talking to the opposite sex. I would think most well-adjusted people experience anxieties when encountering others; I, too, would raise these odds the younger the age given. I do not think that anxiety, in its most base sense here, is what defines you, and neither do I think that to be anxious in social situations is inappropriate.

That being said, the symptoms you describe are indeed indicative of some sort of social phobia. To diagnose you with a mental disorder is the farthest thing from my intention here, and I will thus let the term "Social Anxiety Disorder" fall to the wayside in lieu of your much more aptly-termed thread's title, "social anxiety."

Many people who stutter do so because of the anticipation that they will stutter. These people expect to stutter when they speak - and it really only matters this much to them when speaking in front of esteemed or judgmental audiences - because they are afraid of stuttering and feeling embarrassed. How long have you had problems stuttering?

There was a movie I saw recently, one about a king who accepts the throne reluctantly, to say the least, something about family troubles landing him in the position against his will but according to his duty. Part of his primary duty is to deliver a weekly radio address to those he governs (I'm sorry that this example is spotty, it's been a few months). But he stutters uncontrollably and cannot deliver the address.

He works with someone who identifies this as a major contributive weakness of his, but one that - in defiance of all he has been told during his life - is not insurmountable. First, this "therapist" of sorts has the king read his speeches while wearing headphones blaring music from them, so that he does not hear himself say the words. This second party tapes the king's oration, proving to the king that, indeed, he is capable of speaking without a stutter.

To sum up my roundabout point, after reading this thread, I'm left wondering if the real issue at hand is your anticipation of anxiety producing anxiety in true experience. Seeing a therapist would probably help, but the issue at hand here is yourself and your development, and these pursuits ought to come before all else, in a rational sense. Discovering the real you - not the hybridization of you and your Russian friend - is going to play a key role in the development and maintenance of that person you ultimately decide is "you."

How often do you anticipate encountering difficulties communicating in social situations, only to have those anxieties realized?

~ Vaya

 

[lars90]

Hey lars90,

Social anxiety also falls under the broader umbrella of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. From what I gather, most (if not all) of your symptoms seem to be relegated to social situations - especially those that you find particularly distressing, such as talking to the opposite sex. I would think most well-adjusted people experience anxieties when encountering others; I, too, would raise these odds the younger the age given. I do not think that anxiety, in its most base sense here, is what defines you, and neither do I think that to be anxious in social situations is inappropriate.

That being said, the symptoms you describe are indeed indicative of some sort of social phobia. To diagnose you with a mental disorder is the farthest thing from my intention here, and I will thus let the term "Social Anxiety Disorder" fall to the wayside in lieu of your much more aptly-termed thread's title, "social anxiety."

Many people who stutter do so because of the anticipation that they will stutter. These people expect to stutter when they speak - and it really only matters this much to them when speaking in front of esteemed or judgmental audiences - because they are afraid of stuttering and feeling embarrassed. How long have you had problems stuttering?

There was a movie I saw recently, one about a king who accepts the throne reluctantly, to say the least, something about family troubles landing him in the position against his will but according to his duty. Part of his primary duty is to deliver a weekly radio address to those he governs (I'm sorry that this example is spotty, it's been a few months). But he stutters uncontrollably and cannot deliver the address.

He works with someone who identifies this as a major contributive weakness of his, but one that - in defiance of all he has been told during his life - is not insurmountable. First, this "therapist" of sorts has the king read his speeches while wearing headphones blaring music from them, so that he does not hear himself say the words. This second party tapes the king's oration, proving to the king that, indeed, he is capable of speaking without a stutter.

To sum up my roundabout point, after reading this thread, I'm left wondering if the real issue at hand is your anticipation of anxiety producing anxiety in true experience. Seeing a therapist would probably help, but the issue at hand here is yourself and your development, and these pursuits ought to come before all else, in a rational sense. Discovering the real you - not the hybridization of you and your Russian friend - is going to play a key role in the development and maintenance of that person you ultimately decide is "you."

How often do you anticipate encountering difficulties communicating in social situations, only to have those anxieties realized?

~ Vaya

Ive been stuttering since the time I came back from the usa where I spent a year. which was 3 years ago I never had a problem with it before.
Yeah um the movie you are talking about is called "the king speech" and I saw it like a year ago...
Wo your english is good maybe a little to good for me to understand but I think I get what your asking.

I notice it when ever I meet new people or try to speek to good looking girls. I dont blush its just the thing in side me which makes me feel really uncomfortable. Also its like im wierd I dont knwo how to move and I feel uncomfortable and wierd with what ever im doing.

I know lots of people have this and Im putting it to social anxiety because I have pretty much all the symtoms of it.

I think I got the reason for my problem for my anxiety. The thing I already mention that I use to have like no friends and people were meen to me. So I am looking for acceptance everywhere I go. And if I mess up people wont accept me. See I shount be worrying about that.
And Im trying really hard to be my self but other personalties are easyier for me to use than jsut being my self because I know that these people have no problem talking to others and have no problems finding new friends. All im looking for this acceptance thing to go away. I dont want to live with that. But I automaticly always do it and I cant change it. I dont have quit enough self confidence either.