Social anxiety, fight or flight response

[DistyBoi]

I've always had social anxiety and recently its been causing me major issues. If I am around people I don't have to get to know then I am fine, there's no pressure on me about what they may think of me. I can joke with random people in shops, I can have a laugh with random people in clubs fine, I can pull random people, etc. But remove the word random from all of those situations and I find it a lot harder. Once I start to socialize with people that I will have to have continued social interactions with I start to feel very on edge, under pressure and generally anxious.

For example I've just moved house and am co-habiting with 5 other people. The first week I really pushed myself and forced myself to be social and give a good impression to work with in the future. A lot of drinking, sweating, social stress and awkwardness. However now whenever I see my flatmates I get an instant flight responce whenever I start any sort of social interaction. I will start speaking and instantly I am on edge, thinking of a way to somehow leave the situation without looking like I am avoiding them as I dont want to give them that impression, but the longer I speak the worse this gets.

My doctor says its a typical flight responce, where-as I should be fighting that fear. But its extremely hard. Hard to tell what the fear is, its a combination of things, fear of not knowing what to say, fear of confrontation, fear of how I am coming across, fear of awkwards silences, all of which make my conversations non flowing and awkwardly irratic and detatached, as I am usually more worrying about these things than being in the moment and focussing on the conversation at hand.

Recently I have been using the occasional benzo, which really works amazingly (just four days now, 1-2mg etizolam). Too amazingly in fact, so I am going to stop this use before I become addicted. But I can see my current situation starting to lead to benzo abuse, and really can't see any other way out at the moment.

Anyone else like this, and how have you improved your symptoms?

 

[Sappy_6794]

You know, I had this problem for my whole life up until two weeks ago. Sometimes itd go away for a week and id feel fine, but itd come right back. benzos helped me a lot but I could definitly see myself getting addicted to them. I felt like I was being judged by everyone and that everyone was just thinking how awkward and stupid I was. I finally tripped one night and just thought about myself and how bad I wanted to fix myself and be happy and to my amazement, after I came down, I still felt like all that weight was lifted off of me. Like now, I dont care what anyone thinks and I will say and do whatever I want. This is me and if you dont like it go away : ) Im not saying you should go do what I did, but really just try to push yourself and not be scared anymore. Theres nothing to fear. Lifes too short to be fearful anymore.

 

[charcoal]

I lived an entire childhood with the symptoms you described but in reverse (terrified of socializing with strangers). I'm almost 30 now and I guess I could say maturity was the major factor in helping me. About a dozen years ago my give-a-shit-ometer broke and I stopped being shy or self conscious about anything.

And yes, benzos definitely can improve this problem for people. I am a benzo addict of 11 years and while I am not really anti-benzo, I strongly encourage them as a last fucking resort ever. They are so much better for emergencies and not long term in the very vast majority of people.

Has your doctor ever offered you other medications? SSRIs can be good for anxiety disorders, particularly sertraline (Zoloft) as that is the SSRI that has the best effect on OCD. There are other antidepressants that can make a big change in chronic anxiety too.

Also therapy. I don't care what kind of therapy, I'll leave it up to you to research them but something would likely help you, especially some kind of desensitization therapy led by an experienced counselor.

I would also suggest reading about social anxiety problems and feeling awkward and confused when trying to converse with people in Asperger's books/websites. I'm not suggesting you do or don't have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, but many AS people have the same trouble you're describing and you might find some awesome ideas if you look in that direction.

 

[DistyBoi]

Tried four SSRI's, they dont work at all. My doc has recommended mirtazpine which I migght start next week. But I dont think that this alone is going to make much differerence, I really do need strong anxiolitics like benzos to get rid of my symptoms

 

[charcoal]

4 drugs is a drop in the bucket. Some sources say it takes an average of 10 years for someone to finally find the right psych med combo.

 

[DistyBoi]

4 drugs is a drop in the bucket. Some sources say it takes an average of 10 years for someone to finally find the right psych med combo.

Thats really not making me feel any better, I need a fix now while im still young and 23 whilst I'm still developing as a person before its too late.

 

[charcoal]

Thats really not making me feel any better, I need a fix now while im still young and 23 whilst I'm still developing as a person before its too late.

You develop as a person your entire life, it doesn't grind to a halt sometime in your 20s. A quick fix is rarely the fix that will last or work out well.

You say you "don't see any way out" of the option of benzo addiction. I use the word option because it is just that. You can take benzos long term and in 10 years be where you are now or if you're rather unlucky be in a really bad situation medically and legally, or you can just keep trying other options and in 10 years maybe be extremely happy with your life and yes, still "developing as a person" and most likely not royally fucked from years of benzo use and abuse.


Jumping off a bridge is a really fast way to fix suicidal feelings but it's the shittyass quick fix answer that isn't exactly going to work out long term.

 

[DistyBoi]

Ok thanks, guess I need a break from any social stress so I don't need to use benzos for a while else I'm gona start getting hooked. 12mg etizolam used over last five days.

 

[Dave]

You say "your doctor", are you meaning psychiatrist, psychologist, or just a GP/family doc?

I've had similar issues for most of my life, and tried damn near everything, including benzos. They worked wonderfully, but I was taking them daily within a week and wound up having to do a taper pretty quickly. The problem with benzos is that they don't really treat the underlying cause in most people; at best they act as a very effective band-aid, removing the symptoms quite handily while you're on them. But as soon as you go off, there the symptoms are again, just waiting...

Seeing a psychologist was the only thing that worked for me in the long term. I'm not 100% anxiety free, but am probably 80% free, which is enough to work on my social confidence when sober. EMDR was the treatment modality that worked for me, which was combined with some CBT techniques and a bit of good old client-centred talk therapy. YMMV, of course; but I'd strongly recommend seeing a psychologist rather than taking meds.

 

[DistyBoi]

You say "your doctor", are you meaning psychiatrist, psychologist, or just a GP/family doc?

Just my GP. I've had counselling before but I end up not being honest with them as im too embaressed about my issues, so it never works and i usually stop them after the first few sessions.

Isn't NHS CBT a ridiculously long wait? Thing is I need a drug problem based form of CBT, and I'm not sure such a technique readily exists.

 

[Dave]

I'm sure that it does, but it may well be a long wait. I'm not from the UK, so I'm not very aware of how the system works there.

Well, with that little extra datum, I can offer a couple more little bits of advice. You will need to be completely and totally honest with your psychologist if you want to see results. Brutally honest even. Don't be embarrassed; they've heard it all before, and worse. They're there to help.

Why do you think that you need a specialized form of CBT? Sounds to me like you have a not-uncommon form of social anxiety, much like what I have. Now, a good psych should be told if you use any drugs, and would be able to incorporate that into their therapy without much problem. My psych was, unfortunately, devoutly religious-- but when I told her about my drug use, and especially about how a traumatic 5-meo-dmt experience might cause problems with my EMDR, she took it well in stride. Didn't even bat an eyelid, even though I know that she does not approve of any recreational drug use, including alcohol.

 

[Oldak]

I'm sort of in the same boat. I've had SA most of my life - 24 years or so, since I was a kid - apart from long-term medication, whcih I only want to try as a last resort, the only other options it seems are benzos (v. difficult to get in the UK) or CBT - I've recently tried Phenibut which is great for taking the edge of anxiety, but doesn't make me pro-social and I still have tonnes of irrational paranoid/negative thoughts about myself while on that (just not as many, as the phen kind of slows me down) - I've tried etizolam recently and though many report excellent results, it does less for me than phenibut personally (i've done 8mg of etilaam over the course of today with very little effect). CBT seems to be the main option - there's a course of self-administered CBT tapes by Dr. Richards which get great reviews on the SA forums, but it takes daily work and listeneing to the tapes persistently and consistently - however many report significant changes after even a few months - it's an expensive course but can be obtained through other means is you google something like "dr richards overcoming social anxiety" - I'm going to try it myself along with a more rigorous diet/exercise regime... fingers crossed...