Sorry this is so long, but its all very important and equally valid if your serious about getting into recovery. I've been in your shoes multiple times. It sounds like you've recognized what the problem is but I can guarantee you won't get sober unless it's something you definitely want. For me, every time I got clean time was because I was forced into it (either inpatient facilities or jail) and every time I relapsed was because I thought I could moderately control my drug use, which never was the case. When you relapse you start off worse than you were when you stopped, and that's from experience.
You hit the nail on the head when u mentioned coping with every day life. For someone who has been using for a prolonged period of time, their mind has been trained to expect some sort of substance when things go bad. People who have been using drugs every time something goes wrong have lost a lot of the crucial coping mechanisms that the rest of the world uses. That's why most treatment center's main focus is to teach how to cope with life for living in the outside world.
To answer your questions what keeps me sober is knowing the fact that for most of us, the only consequences for our drug use is jails, institutions and death. And after being in institutions and jail, I know it's never a place I want to be again.
I chose to quit what I was doing while riding a train home, back just from copping, and having a flood of realization that over the past 5 weeks I had stolen $1400.00 from my mom for heroin, I had lost all my friends from doing a lot of regrettable things for the heroin, (I still hung out with kids that I did dope with but they are far from friends), I had spend the last 2 years of my high school career being in rehabs, and eventually jail once I graduated, for absolutely nothing. I wax worse than when I left.
I've been clean since February 4th 2011
I keep my mind off of it by having STRUCTURE in my life all day every day. If you go to any treatment center you'll notice the entire day is structured. When you have idle time and boredom it can lead to some bad things. I set up my school schedule so i have class 5 days a week, from 8-5 keeps me busy. Also weightlifting keeps me clean. I love the rush of endorphins, it's like a natural high in a sense, and I love seeing my body transform and all my muscles growing b/c I know that I did that. It's fulfilling to know that my hard work at something is paying off.
I've relapsed multiple times, and every time I ended up worse than when I stopped.
A lot of addicts don't use consequential thinking, and they've become used to instant gratification. I'd recommend going to meetings, getting a sponsor, or checking yourself into a treatment facility, as the odds are stacked against you if you try to do it alone. You need a support group. Whenever you start feeling alone and that no one knows white what your dealing with, having a support group in place will help to remind you that there are plenty of others that know exactly how you feel and have dealt with a lot of the same shit you have. Think about telling your family as well, when I came straight forward with my mom, she was willing to do whatever she could to help me. I know telling your parents whats going on is probably the last thing you want, but it's important for your recovery.
When I finally got sober, my body just worked so much better. I could think straight, organize my thoughts, had energy, and just felt an overall sense of being alive. I'm gonna stop now cause I've already gotten pretty carried away. You definitely can come to me to confide in/relate to, cause I know exactly what your going thru, trust me. And good luck, every time I was getting clean, it helped to remind myself that there are millions if not billions of people who live their entire lives without drugs, and if they can do it so can I. It's important not to become overwhelmed by the thought of how am I gonna live every day of my life without any sort of substance. Rather think of just getting through today without drugs. Or hell just try to get through the next hour without drugs, and go from there.
If you keep one foot in tomorrow and one foot in yesterday, you piss all over today
Good Luck, and again sorry that it's so long
