sobriety or a life of my own?

[laCster]

i have been through 3 treatment centers now,: 2 inpatient and 1outpatient and i am still having difficulty staying sober because i really dont want this for myself. the reason why i went to through all of those was becaused i faced being financially dropped by my parents. yhey were basically paying for almost everything i need - school, food, housing ect.. until they found out i was doing harder drugs than marijuana such as oxycodone and heroin. now they stopped paying for my university and so i withdrew from school

the most recent rehab i am going through is intensive outpatient program which i have been going to for almost 3 months. throughout my time, i only had 5-6days sober max and i have been constantly been getting honest about getting high, saying i will stay sober, and then going against my word and getting high. now i am on my last chance at this rehab place because i have gotten high so many times and if i am kicked out then i will completely cut off from my parents - no food, no house, no nothing.

right now, i really dont want to be sober, or i dont even know what i want to do. this whole time i have been practically forced to get sober and it hasnt gotten me shit, and im confused and dont know what the fuck to do.

my two options are to go into a halfway house supported by my outpatient program, or my parents are offering to put some down payments into an appartment, pay the first month, and leave me on my own to support myself. with this option, i would have the oppurtunity to still get high and live my own life, but with the halfway house i would have to be sober which i don t know how likely that is. the halfway house would be for 3months and then i would leave and continue to go to outpatient.

i had plans to finish college and get my PharmD at my state university but at this moment it seems like my dreams are crumbling down. i am really scared and dont know what to do right now i am leaning towards getting my own place, getting high while trying to save up enough money and eventually go to school, but i dont know.

i guess i am just looking for some answers or input on what do you guys thnk i should do..

 

[cj]

That sounds really familiar to me man I was in that same situation not to long ago. i eventually found a way to get my rents to continue paying for school but it took awhile and it wasnt the most ethical thing I have ever done. I think you should do what makes you happy get the apartment and prove to your rents you can make it on your own after they see this they will continue paying for your school in all likelyhood. Or you could stop being so honest with the outpatient people jump through there hoops make your rents happy enough to put you back in school. I dont like it when drug rehabs try to coerce people to be sober. the rehab people are probably in your parents ear trying to get them to cut you off trying to "forcing a bottom" is standard procedure in the industry.

 

[badfish45]

^ It's definitely not fair that rehabs try to instill sobriety into the patients minds, because it can create a lot of guilt when there is failure (something extremely likely when it comes to drug addiction). You just have to understand that it's tough for your parents to want to support you because they'll just feel like they're supporting your drug habit. I think that the apartment seems rather ideal compared to the halfway house at this point in your life due to the fact that you have no real interest in staying sober right now, and putting yourself through sobriety at a time your not ready is going to cause just misery. Just prove you're responsible.

 

[laCster]

thanks for responding alabama, i appreciate it. its nice to hear that im not the only one with this situation aswell. i think the appartment is what i am leaning towards, but it will definitely be difficult to maintain a job seeing as i have no car. the only way i will be able to get to and from work will be walking or a bus which would be a pain in the ass, but it's definitely doable. i am not worried abuot finding a job though as i have had 5 previous jobs before so i have good experience.

i agree for fucking sure though man, the fucking rehabs are probably coercing to my parents to kick me out so that i hit rock bottom or whatever, but i defintely dont feel i hit any sort of bottom yet.

id like to hear how you persuaded your parents, im going to shoot you a pm

^ It's definitely not fair that rehabs try to instill sobriety into the patients minds, because it can create a lot of guilt when there is failure (something extremely likely when it comes to drug addiction). You just have to understand that it's tough for your parents to want to support you because they'll just feel like they're supporting your drug habit. I think that the apartment seems rather ideal compared to the halfway house at this point in your life due to the fact that you have no real interest in staying sober right now, and putting yourself through sobriety at a time your not ready is going to cause just misery. Just prove you're responsible.

thank you so much badfish! its good to hear different sides of the story and i agree that going to the halfway house will be a waste of time and money because i dont really have any desire to get sober at the moment. the only reason i was doing the outpatient was to please my parents so i could live at their house and eat their food. my plan was to act like i was sober and get high, but that failed miserably and i just wasted almost 4 months of my life on this bullshit. no more wasting time and money, im going to try things on my own this time.

other responses and inputs would be greatly appreciated aswell! i dont want to make any rash decisions and i greatly appreciate everyone for helping me out because i am just at a bad spot right now in my life. im scared shitless

i have 3 days sober under my belt though, not trying to fuck around with drugs while figuring out my situation