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Sober now what?

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deuce85

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Joined
May 1, 2014
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43
Hey everyone. I have been sober now for 5 years. I was hooked on opiates. Oxycontin mostly. I have done a really good job on staying sober. I drank a few times since I have been sober and it has seem to not really affect me , but I have been super careful with it. Probably only drank about 6 times in 5 years. Anyway now I am just trying to get my life together. Mostly my patterns of thinking and career. What I have trouble with is confidence and negative thinking. i went to a few therapists and tried CBT, but I would only make it kind of worse. I would just like to one day have confidence in myself and a healthy way of thinking. I have obsessive thoughts also. Anyway if anyone has advice on how to get a healthier mind please feel free to comment. Y’all are awesome on here and a couple of people on here really helped me in my sobriety tremendously. Y’all are great. Also if anyone wants to talk about sobriety or how I stayed sober please feel free to message me. Thank you all and hang in there. It does get better.
 
New to the site. 2 yrs clean now, not even pot. I've been using Methadone the whole time ( daily ) starting to talk and think about getting off this too now. Tried last month to go down 3mg a week, then I got down under 20mg and totally freaked out. Could be mentally. ?? Maybe also cuz I didn't feel anything that week and I've been getting high, even chasing any type of high for over 10 yrs. So now I'm back up to only 39mg. Pretty stable now. Doing great at work too. This is the longest job I've ever been able to hold as well. Anyone thinking about what to do, and scared to stop using drug's..? try Methadone for sure, it help's. Turned my whole life around and now I'm a father of 2!! now and was able to restore my relationship with my whole family..Pretty cool when you can wake up and make it to, and through, a whole work day without leaving, telling a lie, and using rent money, just to get " NORMAL" Stay Strong!! There is a way to live with out drug's!..:)
 
If you want to get off the methadone try going down 1mg a week. It's a lot more comfortable than 3mg, especially at the lower doses. And once you get to a certain point you can alternate weeks, dropping down another 1mg one week and given yourself the following week before you drop another 1mg. Good luck, I'm in the same boat ATM!
 
Not Dead Yet!

I am with you guys. When I was young, I believed that if I only did pure opiates I would not harm my brain. After every further debacle and detox, (Home Detox 101 or hospital) I found I was like Jerry Garcia. I had to re-learn everything I knew, especially lyrics and chords of songs. Every freakin' time! Later, the truth caught up to me and I rue the day I started on heroin. 1970 or so.

I fucked up my brain but good. Hell, I even qualified for Mensa on a test administered by the state prison upon admission in 1982. After I proved that I actually answered all the questions myself, they said, "No one in the history of prisons in (that state) ever scored higher than you did. I said, "Gee. I gotta tell my mother!" That's one helluva back-door honor. OMG!

Where did all that brainpower go? I mostly put it to use on scams, writing scripts, and other bad, weird shit. Fucking myself over and hurting everyone I came in contact with. I'd never qualify for Mensa again but don't have to. One good test and you are in. I really don't like those people and if they knew my background, they wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire. Eventually, I quit Mensa. I am much happier around addicts trying to stay clean. Or being lonely and by myself.

I rejoined the clinic about a year ago. Today, I am at 44mg. When I started, I got up to 85mg quickly. After nine months, I began to cut back, 5mg a week. Down to 50mg. Then I did two drops of 3mg. Felt shitty and stopped at 44mg. I know opiates irretrievably fucked my brain. I still want to get high, really crave it. NOTHING gets me high anymore. You younger people take heed. I am 63 today and I cannot do the math! Ha ha. Let's see: I started in 1970 and now it is 2016. that's 46 years with something like 15 years clean in the middle, mostly in the joint.

I had some great fucking times. Performing music. Singing. Chasing girls. I caught some then. Today? I think I am a great-looking guy. Everyone else thinks I look like their grandfather. No more women easily come my way.

I truly believe that the longer one soaks his brain in opiates the more he ruins his or her brain. I'd love to detox to zero but then I'd be totally raw and vulnerable. 12-step alone could not help Mikie stay sober. After 6 or 9 months, I'd receive the call from the wild and answered it. Lost everything, poor me and all that shit.

I wish the absolute best to all my friends who are struggling like me.

Some funny reading. Peace, folks. Mikie

 
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Guys keep up the good fight. I still struggle some days and weeks, but know it will be worth it in the end. It is just frustrating when you are still trying to piece it together. I believe everyone's addiction is similar in some ways but our makeups are different. You just have to find the right balance. Unfortunately for me I have no clue on how to find the right balance. I really need a complete mental overhaul and new way of thinking, but I do not know how to achieve this. I just wish their was a clearer path to understanding my addiction and how it works. Is it a disease? Is it not a disease? Can I drink again even though I was not hooked on alcohol? Will the cravings ever go away? Could I eventually put this addiction behind me? Will I ever be happy without working the steps? I struggle with these questions everyday. I must work harder to find the answers and learn how to live. I hope everyone is doing ok. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to. Take care everyone.
 
Nice to hear Im not the only one! Ya, day by day is the way.. More like minute by minute!! lol Also, it really doesn't help @ all when my Wife's son ( her 1st marriage ) 10yr old, doesn't like to listen @ all. Seriously I don't know what to do but to just do everything for him, clean, etc. His father just watches TV and YouTube with him on the weekends where I thought they are suppose to be hanging out together...? wTf? weird, but its not my kid. I just have a 3 yr old and a girl on the way now 18 weeks tomorrow! LOTS going on at my house now a days... STRESS, which I understand that Methadone isnt for stress, but its the only thing that calms it all down right now. gta get back to wrork
 
Family1st said:
Nice to hear Im not the only one! Ya, day by day is the way.. More like minute by minute!! lol Also, it really doesn't help @ all when my Wife's son ( her 1st marriage ) 10yr old, doesn't like to listen @ all. Seriously I don't know what to do but to just do everything for him, clean, etc. His father just watches TV and YouTube with him on the weekends where I thought they are suppose to be hanging out together...? wTf? weird, but its not my kid. I just have a 3 yr old and a girl on the way now 18 weeks tomorrow! LOTS going on at my house now a days... STRESS, which I understand that Methadone isnt for stress, but its the only thing that calms it all down right now. gta get back to wrork
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You may want to consider taking a passive role with the boy. He has parents - your wife and his father. He is not your responsibility. If his room needs to be cleaned it should be between you wife and her son - it's not your responsibility to pick up the slack. Either he does stuff or he doesn't, as long as it's not interfering with the rest of the household leave it for them. This is especially true if he doesn't respect you, and from the sounds of things he doesn't. Of course, I would discuss these issues with your wife before implementing them so she is not blindsided lol. I know that this may sound harsh, but the reality of the matter is that the situation most likely won't change or improve, and you shouldn't have to be stressed by having to deal with an ungrateful disrespectful kid that still has both of his parents. The situation may actual dramatically improve if you step away, as many step kids feel that the step parent is trying to replace a parent. At anyrate, once he's 18 you shouldn't have to be inconvenienced by him any further. I am sorry you are in that situation - it gets better!

I have five step daughters, and only one of them I interact with. Fortunately, they are all adults and I never had to live with them. Four out of the five were absolutely miserable when my husband and I got together, and were very abusive (physical, verbal) to both of us. I did a lot of research on the step family dynamic trying to find a way to make this work without my husband being stuck in the middle, and the overwhelming solution was to not be present. Though this was a solution for households with young step children - my situation was different but still holds true - I am not involved and the ones that are disrespectful are not welcome at my house. My husband can see/talk to them all he wants, just not in my space until they can be respectful. As a person in recovery, I do not need additional stress, which they add if they are actively in my life, and you are in the same boat.

Don't be rude to the kid but put your focus on your kids. Let his mother parent him, discipline him, and clean up after him. She'll get him in line once she gets tired of him not listening. Also, if his father is a lousy parent that is between your wife, the bio Dad, and the son. Neither the son or the bio dad are interested in your opinions. Just start a secret countdown calendar to when you don't have to share space with him ;) There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

ETA: this sounds a lot harsher than I intended it to. I understand how stressful family dynamics can be, and they're even more difficult in recovery. My advice was geared more as an approach to avoid relapse - sort of a worse case scenario approach as a relapse will only make everything worse. Obviously this is not the desired outcome, but if you find you are being pushed to your limits, you may want to consider.

It was relapse prevention that caused me to remove myself from the situation as well as not wanting my husband stuck in a position where he has to choose between any of us. It's also different as his kids are adults. The one daughter that got violent with me is an addict, so I don't hold it against her. I would love to see her get healthy, and have pushed my husband at offering rehab etc, but she is not ready and technically it's none of my business. However, if she changes her mind in the future I would be open to assisting her in her recovery. Until then, I am not involved.
 
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This might be totally off topic, but boy do I find eating fresh, sweet in season strawberries at almost midnight Sunday evening very pleasurably. Heroin has nothing on this. It is an amazing place to be, lemme tell you! %)

Holly shit, LOL, I cannot believe I just said that. . . Guess they do not call me Crazy Mike for nothing! :)
 
thx Moreaux! helps to hear something like that from an outside source you know? Ive been trying to stay calm and quiet all week. Its helping like when I don't clean up after him and just leave the whatever wherever you know? Now shes on him a lot more. NEEDS that, I remember my Mom was on me a lot, and I hated it. Now, older and more understanding, I see now exactly why she was like that to me. Plus raising 4!, kid's all alone I see NOW, that is hella stressful,
 
I'm glad that's working out for you! Early recovery is such a stressful time, you don't need any extra stress. I really give people who are parents credit for getting sober while maintaining their family - I don't think I could be tht strong or patient lol. Stay strong and please keep us updated!
 
Oh ya, lol. I remember every time I would leave for a minute ( you know what I mean ) then when I came back! I could sit and chill, hell I'd even go in his bed room and hang out with him, I didn't care at all if he was rude. Now, ? It's a lot harder like you said. To stay clean, take a walk, eat! lol LOVE food now OMG. I get all excited to talk about foo now. Funny, another one of those.. little thing's that I love and look forward to now a day's..crazy how time fly's too. It's been over 2 yr's!!! so fast. But when I though of doing it back them I never thought I would be able to do it. An hour might as well been a week you know? crazy, stay strong urself, talk later @ work now.
 
Been a month since I involved myself with my step-son. I have another baby on the way and need to stay calm. Showing my son ( 3yr' old ) that I don't JUST yell about everything is very important to me. He is getting big! Everyday it seem's that he is starting to notice thing's and starting to have his own opinion on thing's as well. Just working, bring the money to the house, live comfortably..All else will just hopefully fall into place. Loving every minute of being a father and having a thing's now, ( and not pawning them! lol ) yeah... a bit different. Crazy it's already been over 2 yr's!! Just talked with an old buddy of mine. Sound's a lot like me now. He has also been doing the same with the Methadone and now also like me he is happy and working at a new job and is now beginning to go down on the dose too. Nice to see that we we wrong when we said to ea other 2 yrs ago, I don't think I can do this, and what are we gna do with all our time?? that's funny, now I am so damn busy I dont know how I survived back then. Everyday waking up and not knowing what I was gna do and how I was gna make it throughout the day, ( the next hour ) but ea day pissed someone off, ( loved one ) and made it to the night, all good now, but then, oh darn, here comes the morning!! All over again!! Stay strong everybody, it's great!!!
 
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