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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

So, what are you running from ?

Like someone else already said, responsibility. I have been pushing back not just applying for a job but even completing my resume. I am going to start my 7th year of college in the fall. I am scared to death of the "real world." I constantly yearn for my middle school and high school years, which I took for granted.

I often snap myself back into reality and tell myself that memories like that often seem MUCH more positive than they actually were. Sometimes I'll reminisce of even a year ago and find myself longing for that moment too -- then I think about it and realize that I was just as miserable then as I am now. Somehow the past, no matter how it actually was, is very comforting for me. In a way, that's more depressing than knowing (well, thinking) that I was actually happier in the past.

Having said that, the resume I had left on top of a pile of papers on my desk has actually been completed today. I feel very accomplished. At the age of 23, I will apply for jobs for the first time in my life.
 
Material541 said:
Like someone else already said, responsibility. I have been pushing back not just applying for a job but even completing my resume. I am going to start my 7th year of college in the fall. I am scared to death of the "real world." I constantly yearn for my middle school and high school years, which I took for granted.

I often snap myself back into reality and tell myself that memories like that often seem MUCH more positive than they actually were. Sometimes I'll reminisce of even a year ago and find myself longing for that moment too -- then I think about it and realize that I was just as miserable then as I am now. Somehow the past, no matter how it actually was, is very comforting for me. In a way, that's more depressing than knowing (well, thinking) that I was actually happier in the past.

Having said that, the resume I had left on top of a pile of papers on my desk has actually been completed today. I feel very accomplished. At the age of 23, I will apply for jobs for the first time in my life.
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You should feel accomplished mate, completing 7 years of higher-level education takes real work. Don't be frightened, it's really not that different out there. If you can get through that much school then you'll do just fine. If I'd kept going to school I would've finished my second degree by now.. Instead all I have is an opiate habit, a whole lot of broken promises and terrible anxiety and depression.

Sorry, bit over life today .. I'm sore, tired and lonely.
 
I use to distort my self-imagined mediocrity. On drugs, I'm accepting of falling out of my own life - a childlike sick day I can take from all my responsibilities and disappointment in where I am. Ultimately, either I will die, get incarcerated, or at minimum waste my life. Otherwise, I'll need to return, only my position will be diminished further, and I'll be so much worse off than before the addiction. Illogical.
 
I'm not running from anything, but towards something. There's a difference.

I used to use drugs to escape, and I partied my ass off. Got really burned out, depressed, and frustrated that I wasn't getting what I wanted. So I just decided that I wanted to feel good in whatever way possible, and ignore all the work laid out in front of me that I should've been doing.

Now I use them to get in touch - to learn, to experience, to grow. You'll tell the difference because you won't feel helplessly drawn like an addict. Instead you will have discipline, and plan your trips (or whatever) accordingly. You'll enter a trip as a seeker, instead of a runaway.

Maybe I'm just getting older, and more of a connoisseur.
 
I run from everything, ie; relationships, the law...... Any uncomfortable situation, and I'm gone. I have that feeling now......it's difficult for me to keep that feeling at bay. I've been opiate-free for a yr., and I'm trying to stay off the beer. I thought that the drugs (alcohol included) were pushing me to run, yet I still have those feelings.
 
Not happy with the way things are going I suppose, but then again drugs allow me to think, and explore the world. Among other things its loneliness. Simply trying to have a fun time or find my place. . .The list could go on, but one thing is sure I can debate that drugs have made it worse. .
 
Pressure, Judgement, Boredom... To name a few, but like so many others here, I just plain like to get high... But theres is a method to my madness. I still have rules (realistic ones ;), morals, beliefs, principles and a direction that is my ultimate objective in life.
 
I guess I'm running from my own shortcomings, insecurities and constant boredom. At times I really think I'm a complete failure, which I am not, but being on top in one domain (which I constantly doubt(ed), too) and being a deadbeat in the other really drags me down. I live in constant fear that someone might expose how bad I really am, and since I've got clean I'm working hard to get rid of it.

In order to get closer to perfect I ruled out most of my feelings and basically lost touch to my needs, I always was too insecure to stand up for myself or to develop goals I really wanted to reach and still am struggling with that. That mixture led to constant self-hatred, -doubt, -loathing and anger towards the whole world being so unjust to me.

The boredom is another thing I can hardly get rid of. I always have to keep myself going, higher, faster, wider, otherwise I turn into a lazy, fat-headed blob. Don't know how to solve this. I'm simply never content for long.
 
I am beginning to realize something. I'm a drug addict because I hate myself. I never feel I'm good enough for anything, and I feel that nobody really likes me. I've never been diagnosed but I feel I'm Bipolar. I wish I could fix my terrible personality but nothing seems to help so I mask all my pain with drugs (opiates)

When I'm sober I think about how many times I've fucked up in life and I hate it. I hate thinking about the past and what a piece of shit I am, how many times I've failed at everything, and every other mistake I've made.

Please, bring me some more morphine so I can drown my sorrows.

thanks.....
 
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