buttershots21
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2011
- Messages
- 161
Hi all!
It's been awhile since I've posted or visited, I've had a lot going on. I can't talk to anyone else about this, so you guys and gals are it! I am just so tired of playing this game with opiates, but I don't have the choice of giving them up right now, and maybe not ever. It's crazy how all this started with one little Vicodin 5/500. Now I can eat 4-6 Norcos or Percs to just feel normal or a little fuzzy, and with my morphine's, I have to eat 100mg just to feel a little bit good. I refuse to go over these limits, I feel they are too high as it is, and I don't want to push it. My meds are Rxed, but I still abuse them, and a months supply only lasts me 2 weeks, maybe 3 if I really monitor myself. One one hand I wish my doc would give me a little more so I don't run out early, but maybe it's a good thing, so I don't go over an edge I can never go back from. If you would have told me 4 years ago I would rail a pill, I would have thought you were crazy. Now I've done everything but boot, and that thought has crossed my mind, and that really freaks me out. I can't deal with the physical pain I'm in every day, and I can't deal with the games my head plays with me when I'm forced to dry out. I've sold my stuff to make money, and I've bought them off the street from time to time. I am tired of having so many faces and hiding behind being a good wife, and mother, and daughter. I feel like if anyone knew what really was going on with me, they would just lock me up and throw away the key. Sorry if I broke any post rules, and sorry for rambling on, I'm just tired. I'm sure many of you have heard this all before.
It's been awhile since I've posted or visited, I've had a lot going on. I can't talk to anyone else about this, so you guys and gals are it! I am just so tired of playing this game with opiates, but I don't have the choice of giving them up right now, and maybe not ever. It's crazy how all this started with one little Vicodin 5/500. Now I can eat 4-6 Norcos or Percs to just feel normal or a little fuzzy, and with my morphine's, I have to eat 100mg just to feel a little bit good. I refuse to go over these limits, I feel they are too high as it is, and I don't want to push it. My meds are Rxed, but I still abuse them, and a months supply only lasts me 2 weeks, maybe 3 if I really monitor myself. One one hand I wish my doc would give me a little more so I don't run out early, but maybe it's a good thing, so I don't go over an edge I can never go back from. If you would have told me 4 years ago I would rail a pill, I would have thought you were crazy. Now I've done everything but boot, and that thought has crossed my mind, and that really freaks me out. I can't deal with the physical pain I'm in every day, and I can't deal with the games my head plays with me when I'm forced to dry out. I've sold my stuff to make money, and I've bought them off the street from time to time. I am tired of having so many faces and hiding behind being a good wife, and mother, and daughter. I feel like if anyone knew what really was going on with me, they would just lock me up and throw away the key. Sorry if I broke any post rules, and sorry for rambling on, I'm just tired. I'm sure many of you have heard this all before.
