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So seriously...WTF do i do in this situation?!?

gypsiejunkie

gypsiejunkie

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 17, 2013
Messages
122
Location
Topeka ks
Back in may i started my dream job. I am live in staff in a group home taking carr of adults with disabilities. when i started I had 2 clients that were just perfect for me. They are very high functioning and more mentally ill then physical problems. I live in the basement with my 2 kids (3 and 5) and they live upstairs. I cook and clean and keep them in control of outbursts etc. help them keep up with their responsibilities. It was all perfect. they got along great with my kids and my kids love them too. while i was worried about my kids interactions with them being appropriate i kept a very close eye on everything and after a month felt very safe and trusting of THESE TWO CLIENTS! Now everything was going great and my bosses called me in to tell me I have a new client coming in. He is a 24 hour care client and so id be working a lot more and start making salary. Now when they had me meet with his mom and sister i was told very specifically by his sister w/2 kids of her own she has NEVER had any problem with him and her kids. Alright! I was feeling good about things and accepted the new position. Four days into it i was pretty well uncomfortable. This client is very low functioning, doesnt communicate, mentality of a 3 year old basically. I didnt like that he was "playing" with my kids the same way well a kid would. Its not his fault but NO i dont want you playing hide and seek with my children (hes eighteen8) THEN i got his books with his case history etc....flippin through la dee da and oh what is this?!? He had an incident a few months back WITH A 3 YEAR OLD where they were alone in a room exposing themselves. HOLY SHIT IM PISSED. This just slipped there mind i guess that that might be something i need to know...oh they thought they told me. i called immediately and said i wasnt comfortable working here anymore. they said 1. well he was here (at the day center) playing with My kids and i felt totally safe. 2. Well can you give us more than 2 weeks u know we helped u out and let u move into a house w/out a 24 hr client (they dont typically do that but i didnt have a stable living situation) 3. Well id be ok with it. Well then you move in with your kids LADY!!! I said id work with them but didnt wamt to stay much longer. Its been 2 weeks now, 2 weeks of extreme anxiety, depression, hell. i cant do my job because im so worried about the situation and im a total bitch from the stress. Its not fair to this poor kid i mean he pbviously isnt malicious he just shouldnt be around children. Constantly having to say keep your hands to yourself (to my kids and my client) no u cant play hide and seek, etc. Anyways i want to just tell them im done on friday whether u have someone or not because it is just too much but these people are bullies that take advantage of the people thwy hire that are in bad situations when they hire them. they take advantage of me being a pushover and its really hard to deal with. I want the fuck out of here but still wondering if i should wait it out a few more weeks. im not worried about an incident cause i am taking all precautions to make sure nothing can happen but like i said its hell and that wasnt in my job description. So yea now my life sicks and my mental state is just deteriorating. what would you do? Im flipping pissed!!!!
 
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Who are your employers? The state? It is ridiculous and irresponsible to place a client with children when he has shown inappropriate behavior with them before. Like you say, it is as irresponsible to him as it is to the children.

I think you need to ask for this client to be placed elsewhere immediately. If you don't get a response, ask that your concerns be put in writing in the records. That will make them think of the legal ramifications for them should you file any type of complaint. It's sad that this is that the introduction of a legal threat is the only power you have ;common sense should be enough but apparently it isn't.
 
I want to do this so much! They wouldnt be able to do anything if i just walked off either, but i am frozen with anxiety with these people. it sucks. This being my first real job and in a field i want to continue in i dont want a bad reference from them too. I wish i hadnt been put in the predicament. i know its good advice though so thanks!!
 
I would be afraid they might not give you a good reference if you leave without more notice. Is there any way you could stay until the end of the month? Surely they have to understand your concerns with your children. The part that confuses me is, are you exclusively taking care of this one guy for the 24 hours? Like herbavore said, it's good to have this documented and put in writing.

It's rough that now you have to start all over again. It's too bad they couldn't put you back with the other clients that you trusted and got along with. I mean it's not this kid's fault he has control issues, it's theirs for keeping that information from you. But I would put it to them like this: I have to consider my children's well being and it was deceptive to put me in that situation.
 
I think im going to wait it out as long as its not more than 2 more weeks. I still live with the 2 clients i already had we just had an open room. They already said they wont move him out for sure. Im leaving soon anyway so i wouldnt want them to pull strings for me. I do want a good reference though and they really like me and appreciate me working with them, but documenting the whole situation is probably the best avenue to go down at this point. its just so unfair!!!!
 
Not really unfair at all, nor is it the employers fault. That's just the job.

But obviously you cant let your kids be in that environment, so looks like you will be needing different line of employement
 
morpher001 said:
Not really unfair at all, nor is it the employers fault. That's just the job.

But obviously you cant let your kids be in that environment, so looks like you will be needing different line of employement
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Umm im sorry but it is the employers responsibity to let me know risks with clients that are moving in. i mean they told me the risks with his siezures but not that there was a risk of child molestation??? They NEVER told me i found out a week after he moved in because they gave me his case history...
 
They should have given you the proper details and case history right away. Is terrible that they didn't in terms of client care as well as the safety of the children known to be in the house.

Its also bad that they probably quite knowingly got you in there for a while then dumped him on you knowing you don't have many options. Still, by the sounds of it, that's the job.
 
Yea, it is part of the job. just part of the job i wouldnt have accepted. I wouldnt have expected them to not move him in or anything, they just told me everything else about him except that! They asked if i wanted the job or if they should find someone else before he moved in. Sorry morpher001 got me all riled up!!
 
People are messed up. I work with autistic kids and they never tell you the naughty stuff. Usually they require additional certification for the extremely violent ones buttttttt..... lol.

Just tell them that you're going to put in your two weeks unless they give you another client because you don't want to endanger the welfare of your children.
 
I have also worked in homes like this but never in a live in situation. It sucks that they failed to "mention" this issue especially knowing you have children there. It was pretty shitty of them but I'm not sure it was legally their responsibility. If he functions on the level of a 3 year old, well 3 year olds do stuff like show their "peepees" (I personally would not want another 3 year old showing his privates to my kids much less a damn 18 year old) so my point is it doesn't necessarily mean he is a child molester as you said, or a potential child molester.

I totally understand your concerns and worries but take a deep breath....first and foremost (and I'm sure you already know and do this) keep your kids under strict supervision. No matter how comfortable you are with the other clients I would be doing this with ALL clients with my kids, no matter what. An unrelated male living in a home with children (whether a boyfriend, friend, step dad, etc) is a situation that puts a child at around 40 times more likely to be a victim of sexual abuse (I will look up the exact number and give you a reference to it in a bit). This doesn't mean you can't do a job like this it just means you ALWAYS need to be super vigilant.

As the others said, I think the key and most important thing in this situation is document, document, document. You should put everything into writing, keep copies of everything. If you have not officially done so, do a letter of resignation (even backdated to your 2 weeks notice). Write another letter now again stating the issues and that you are requesting they either move the client (even if you know they won't just make sure all your demands/requests/issues are in writing and completely documented) or find you a replacement so that you may move on. Even if it is info you have already made them aware of make sure you "paint the whole picture" in these letters/documentation to them. The reason for this (besides if you decide to use it in some legal recourse later) when you go to a new employer and if these guys don't give you a shining reference, you present all of this documentation to a new employer so there is no questions at all about what happened.

So go back and document everything up til now and write another letter of resignation, state that this is your second request for them to find a replacement or to fix the situation (make sure you list all of your concerns in the letter and the fact that you would never have accepted the job had you known the clients history). If they do not find your replacement or remedy the situation in 2 weeks then just leave. As long as everything is documented for future issues you should be ok.

Try to relax until then a little. Keep your close watch on your children but don't stress yourself so much. Most likely he is not going to turn out to be a predator where he is trying to sneak in and harm them...he just functions like a very big 3 year old who has mature man parts (which is a huge problem) but most likely he won't try to "prey" on your kids.

It sucks that the employers are like that but I find when they have difficulties filling a position and keeping really good employees they end up actually often taking advantage. Good luck to you dear and I will keep you in my thoughts.
 
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