anyone i enjoy spending any substantial amount of time with is either a full blown alcoholic or teetering on the edge (like myself). the only thing that i ever want to do for fun is drink. i have a job, a kid, nice things...whatever...but when i get home from work, it's right back to drinking. it always starts up simple enough, one cocktail lasts an hour or so...but the next thing i know, it's the middle of the night, and i'm ten drinks in and telling some stupid story and i can't even stand the sound of my own voice. then i'll go to bed, wake up with a veil of fog on my brain, and go about the motions at work or with parenting and then start the process all over again. in the past 5 years, i've probably only had 5 days without alcohol. it's ridiculous but it's also really fun. every year, the issue gets a little worse, but i of course justify it like crazy. 'being a mom is stressful...' 'having a few drinks after work is normal...' 'i'm having fun...' how much of this is actually normal?
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so much drinking
- Thread starter nann
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aihfl
Bluelight Crew
I consider myself an alcoholic and I'm coming out of a two month period of heavy drinking after seven months of sobriety. I can assure you the situation you're describing is not normal. Normal is the person who drinks a glass of wine or has a beer or two after work maybe a few times a week. It sounds like your life hasn't unraveled yet, so I really recommend you get this under control before it does, because it will. I never thought my own life would have unraveled to the degree it did, but it did, and then some. This pattern isn't sustainable. You can either get better or worse, but it's not going to stay the same.
Thanks for the reply, even though it?s unsettling. Ha. Where I?m at, it seems like all of the other parents are drinking a lot...I guess to cope w kids....I have no idea, but that?s obviously not a safe or healthy coping mechanism. Breaking the cycle is something I don?t know how to do.
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
The easiest way to break the cycle is to go away to an inpatient rehab for a few weeks. That's not the only way, but it is the easiest. You will be in an environment where there is no temptation and it will get you into the habit of making the best use of recovery support groups. These things can be done without rehab, but it's much more of a challenge.
My own tolerance got to the point where the amount of alcohol my brain could tolerate was so far beyond what my liver could process that I would pass out and wake up not hung over but very much still drunk. Then during an inpatient detox, the medical doctor ordered an ultrasound and I was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis. That scared me sober for a year and a half because alcoholic hepatitis is the last stop before cirrhosis. I'm not trying to preach gloom and doom to you but I'm just sharing my own experience.
My own tolerance got to the point where the amount of alcohol my brain could tolerate was so far beyond what my liver could process that I would pass out and wake up not hung over but very much still drunk. Then during an inpatient detox, the medical doctor ordered an ultrasound and I was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis. That scared me sober for a year and a half because alcoholic hepatitis is the last stop before cirrhosis. I'm not trying to preach gloom and doom to you but I'm just sharing my own experience.
Doom and gloom might be what I need to hear, so I appreciate that. My son?s dad is living in a halfway house due to being a raging alcoholic and he?s actually doing well. I didn?t think I would follow in his footsteps and I?m highly embarrassed about it and of course am hiding the extent of the situation. Have you gone to rehab? Are you ok?
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
Yes I am ok. I detoxed outpatient under the supervision of the psychiatrist who has been treating me for years. I've been sober around two weeks now. And to answer your other question, I did inpatient detox then moved to a rehab program so I've been down that road. If you have any questions you don't want to post publicly please don't hesitate to send me a PM. And I hope you come and visit us over at Sober Living sometime.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
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Hi nann!
My mother was a severe and functioning alcoholic. She never stopped drinking and died an alcoholic. It really destroyed our family.
I am a recovering heroin addict. I can tell you from experience that the fact you are acknowledging you have an issue w alcohol is huge.
You seem to be dipping your toes in to the idea of stopping. Also huge.
Don't be embarrassed about it. I'm pretty sure everyone close to you is aware that you have a drinking problem. They would most likely be very very happy that you got help.
Plus you'd inspire others. Aihfl has alot of experience to share. Good luck nann
My mother was a severe and functioning alcoholic. She never stopped drinking and died an alcoholic. It really destroyed our family.
I am a recovering heroin addict. I can tell you from experience that the fact you are acknowledging you have an issue w alcohol is huge.
You seem to be dipping your toes in to the idea of stopping. Also huge.
Don't be embarrassed about it. I'm pretty sure everyone close to you is aware that you have a drinking problem. They would most likely be very very happy that you got help.
Plus you'd inspire others. Aihfl has alot of experience to share. Good luck nann
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
Nann, I know that last post was for 10YG, but your son should be aware that he is probably genetically predisposed to alcohol use disorder and/or drug addiction. I know my mother tried to warn me (not that it made any difference) as alcoholism is rampant on both sides of my family.
yeah, i get you there. my son is currently only 6yrs old, so i think he's a bit young for that conversation. at this point in his life, i'm more worried that he may know more than what i think he does...which is usually true w kids. i don't know. i feel like i'm constantly in a state of justifying my actions.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
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- 1,673
Nann it's kind of odd. I never liked alcohol. Neither did my father. Chronic pain opened the door to opiates for me. I really didn't see it coming.
My father was a gambling addict though. I guess that I was pre-disposed to addiction. Like aihfl said, I don't think it would've mattered even if I was warned. Honestly.
I think I thought because I don't care for the effects of alcohol, I was ok. And my dad not being dependent or even liking alcohol or drugs, I thought I got his 50% I didn't realize he was a gambling addict at first.
My father was a gambling addict though. I guess that I was pre-disposed to addiction. Like aihfl said, I don't think it would've mattered even if I was warned. Honestly.
I think I thought because I don't care for the effects of alcohol, I was ok. And my dad not being dependent or even liking alcohol or drugs, I thought I got his 50% I didn't realize he was a gambling addict at first.
That?s interesting that you were unaware. About your dad, yet still ended up where you were. I can slightly relate to the chronic pain side of it, so I?m sorry to hear that you have that struggle. I recently went through some enormous life changes and am currently blaming that on my excessive alcohol consumption...but I?m doubting if that?s completely valid or not because I?ve always drank a lot....but then again, things are always hectic for me. I guess just typing that out makes it pretty obvious what the common denominator is. *sign*. Thanks for listening.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
What is it like after relapsing 7 months later. Dumb question but would you suggest it?
I am afraid this is what will happen to me. Just want to know what the experience is like after abstaining for so long?
Derschieber
Bluelighter
Greetings
I started drinking as a teenager. We would get wasted and loved doing it. At 30 y/old, I was drinking every day. Cold beers after work were like breathing air...perfectly normal every day activity.
At age 32 the idea that I was an alcoholic became lodged in my mind, and for about a year I would watch myself get up in the morning, determined to stop drinking, only to be drunk in the evening. Eventually, I started going to AA meetings, obsessed about my being an alcoholic. Start, stop, start, stop...such a long-standing habitual stupid behavior...drinking. I hated myself for being so weak and pathetic.
This began the fight of my life. I really really wanted out from under this alcoholic problem. Eventually I booked myself into "Serenity Lodge" - a low-grade alcohol-addiction facility where most guests stayed against their wishes, as a parole condition, or husbands who were given final ultimatums. There were drink-drivers, ordered there by a judge etc...It was typically a 11 week course. I may have been the only voluntary "inmate" lol.
In any case, what I saw was a bunch of men and women who were a long way down the road of alcoholism. Some had just been released from prison, for various offences, violence, spousal abuse, a mother who lost her children, and of course dink-driving auto-wrecks. Broken lives.
After 2 weeks (sober) I got out of there...continued fighting the urge to drink successfully for the most part, and eventually...after perhaps 6 months...I suddenly became aware that I had not thought about drinking at all for several days...it was really strange...I was not even sure how much time had passed since I last "resisted"...and the most powerful sense of liberation washed over me...like I have never felt before or since...It was delicious...I knew at that moment I was free.
It took another 2 years before I was completely recovered, where my life - everything became functional and "normal".
This is one of the problems with alcohol...it is such a long-term addiction, starting early in life.
Until you fully recover, you can not really know just how badly your life is being crippled by this drug - we have never been adults without it.
I have come to realize that on average it takes 2 years to recover from any heavy loss/dramatic change, such as divorce, the death of a loved one, or something like migrating to another country.
Changing significant long-term aspects of ones life is very disturbing, and takes considerable time to recover from. To adapt.
With regards to alcohol, my fight was brutal. I would be on my hands and knees in the mornings, crying, begging God to help me - please I don't want to drink today. Fail and repeat...I just remembered whilst writing this...and my eyes are watering. Such a dark time.
That was 18 years ago
I never think or care about drinking...I was liberated. Thanks to God.
Alcohol is a hard drug. It got it's claws into me, and ripped chunks out, before finally letting go.
I wish you all the best.
Sincerely.
I started drinking as a teenager. We would get wasted and loved doing it. At 30 y/old, I was drinking every day. Cold beers after work were like breathing air...perfectly normal every day activity.
At age 32 the idea that I was an alcoholic became lodged in my mind, and for about a year I would watch myself get up in the morning, determined to stop drinking, only to be drunk in the evening. Eventually, I started going to AA meetings, obsessed about my being an alcoholic. Start, stop, start, stop...such a long-standing habitual stupid behavior...drinking. I hated myself for being so weak and pathetic.
This began the fight of my life. I really really wanted out from under this alcoholic problem. Eventually I booked myself into "Serenity Lodge" - a low-grade alcohol-addiction facility where most guests stayed against their wishes, as a parole condition, or husbands who were given final ultimatums. There were drink-drivers, ordered there by a judge etc...It was typically a 11 week course. I may have been the only voluntary "inmate" lol.
In any case, what I saw was a bunch of men and women who were a long way down the road of alcoholism. Some had just been released from prison, for various offences, violence, spousal abuse, a mother who lost her children, and of course dink-driving auto-wrecks. Broken lives.
After 2 weeks (sober) I got out of there...continued fighting the urge to drink successfully for the most part, and eventually...after perhaps 6 months...I suddenly became aware that I had not thought about drinking at all for several days...it was really strange...I was not even sure how much time had passed since I last "resisted"...and the most powerful sense of liberation washed over me...like I have never felt before or since...It was delicious...I knew at that moment I was free.
It took another 2 years before I was completely recovered, where my life - everything became functional and "normal".
This is one of the problems with alcohol...it is such a long-term addiction, starting early in life.
Until you fully recover, you can not really know just how badly your life is being crippled by this drug - we have never been adults without it.
I have come to realize that on average it takes 2 years to recover from any heavy loss/dramatic change, such as divorce, the death of a loved one, or something like migrating to another country.
Changing significant long-term aspects of ones life is very disturbing, and takes considerable time to recover from. To adapt.
With regards to alcohol, my fight was brutal. I would be on my hands and knees in the mornings, crying, begging God to help me - please I don't want to drink today. Fail and repeat...I just remembered whilst writing this...and my eyes are watering. Such a dark time.
That was 18 years ago
I never think or care about drinking...I was liberated. Thanks to God. Alcohol is a hard drug. It got it's claws into me, and ripped chunks out, before finally letting go.
I wish you all the best.
Sincerely.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
Hi Nann!
I just typed a fairly long post to you and it didn't post. Wt#@"!!!
I was given oxycontin and told it was non-addictive and much better than the short-acting meds I was taking...that I could end up addicted to.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup. That is what I was told and believed it was true because my Dr said it was true. I knew very little about opiates. Then. Now I could publish a book.
I always knew my dad liked to gamble. I just didn't know how extreme his like was. My mom opened up to me about it finally.
Looking back I should've known. He woke me up at 2am to "take a ride to the casino with him". On Tuesday? I would get up, put shoes on and get in the car half asleep.
Crazy.
I just typed a fairly long post to you and it didn't post. Wt#@"!!!
I was given oxycontin and told it was non-addictive and much better than the short-acting meds I was taking...that I could end up addicted to.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup. That is what I was told and believed it was true because my Dr said it was true. I knew very little about opiates. Then. Now I could publish a book.
I always knew my dad liked to gamble. I just didn't know how extreme his like was. My mom opened up to me about it finally.
Looking back I should've known. He woke me up at 2am to "take a ride to the casino with him". On Tuesday? I would get up, put shoes on and get in the car half asleep.
Crazy.
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
No, I can't recommend relapse. I am a genuine alcoholic. When I have a drink, I genuinely don't know when I will have the last one. It could be the same day, it could be months later. It's bad for my psychological/psychiatric issues and has caused me physical health problems. I used to think people in AA who say "to drink is to die" was melodramatic, but it can't be truer for me at this point.