• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

SO lost... parents found out I was shooting up

  • Thread starter Thread starter lost for so long
  • Start date Start date
L

lost for so long

Guest
I feel so empty and confused... I lay here in a hotel room... All because there was a giant family fight. All because they found out my husband and I were shooting up. We shoot morphine. I am in chronic pain and did this as a last resort. Things are not well. My little sister keeps causing trouble and calling us junkies and saying my husband needs to go and hes just a stupid junkie.
My hubby got into an argument last night that my father started. My trashy sister who snorts adderall and is always begging me for tramadol and muscle relaxers called the cops. Of course the cops were jerks to the 'junkies'. I havent shot up in like a week. I was trying to use things properly again and straighten up becaue I started shooting at work and I know it was getting bad. My pain is so bad though.
My mom is upset with my dad and sister and she's here at the hotel with us... They, my sister and dad keep telling me i ruined my parents marriage and I'm just a stupid junkie.
So, my sister is an adderall addict who is always seeking kpin, muscle relaxers, tram and so forth. My dad is an opiate addict along with a benzo addict. Hell, Ive gotten him Opana and oxycontin for him when he ran out and was crying in withdrawal.
How can thy be so judgmental wih their own issues? My mother is the only one who isnt on som kind of drug... It is a sad situation really.
Im so lost and this makes me want to more, but I promised my mother, so Im keeping my word... But Im in so much pain and depressed.... I just want life to be good. Im having really bad thoughts and I dont know what to do... Im crying so much, Im so confused and dead inside.
 
I'm going to sart this over to TDS (The Dark Side) as I feel it is more about your emotional pain due to drug use. If you are more interested in focusing on the relationship between you and your family, you can ask me to move it to SLR (Sex, Love, and Relationships). Just post back in anonymous posting and I'll move all your responses to your thread wherever you want it.

anon >>> TDS
 
hi lost, I'm sorry you have to endure the nonsense other's put forth. Sometimes its just easier for others to point the finger at someone else so that they don't have to look at themselves. It sounds like that is exactly what your father and sister are currently doing and it just isn't right of them to do.

Its admirable that you haven't injected in over a week. I see that as a big deal simply because from my own experience, nothing could get me away from that damn needle. Its so rare for us to put our need to use aside for the love of a family member or to honor a word. This shows a significant amount of character.

Have you considered seeking treatment or other types of therapy to help you further put a stranglehold on this thing?

There are many folks here in The Dark Side that have similar experiences of pain, loss and familial strife that will most certainly lend an ear or lend some compassion.

Stay strong and just know that everything is temporary. This aggravation will be done with in time. Just try to be strong in the interim. <3
 
Don't know what to say, but..stay strong, hope the things will be better for you<3


MartinFn
 
Sometimes drug users will still be very ignorant and look down on people who use a drug that they don't personally feel OK with using themselves, or sometimes they'll look down at people who IV drugs.

I wouldn't take any of this personally. Just realize that you are still a good person, you are a legitimate pain patient, and that if you weren't in pain, I'm sure you wouldn't have started doing what you did.

Don't let others make your day worse than it already is as I know pain is not easy to live with. Most importantly - forgive yourself and try not to be hard on yourself if you don't live up to your own expectations. You're still living and sound like you are a loving person, despite being in pain - that's great! Just focus on enjoying life. When I was in an extreme amount of acute pain earlier this year, all I could do was focus away from the immense amount of pain and just realize that it would eventually go away. It was very hard for me but I made it through.

We're all here to talk if you still need to. I am very sorry that your family isn't understanding. The best you can do is to continue on your own and do the best you can, and I wish you the best of luck.
 
So, things are looking up a bit

RE: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/590480-SO-lost...-parents-found-out-I-was-shooting-up

Thanks for the responses.... sorry for my spelling errors in the first post, I was using my phone and extremely stressed.

So, things are looking up a bit. I still haven't shot up at all. It was hard, especially under all the stress, but I had to stick with my mother.
I am back staying at my parents house with my husband and things are still a little rocky.
The good thing is my mother has offered to pay for an apartment for a year for my husband and I while we get things back in line and all.
My older sister apologized, while my younger sister is still acting terrible toward my husband and I.
My father hasn't apologized, but he definitely hasn't been as angry, although he did say some very hurtful things such as telling me to go OD and die.
I'm trying to stay positive and stay strong.... it's hard, but I have to do it! I'm trying to pull in all the motivation I can.
The pain is so bad though, it's really rough... my tolerance is too high that orally things just aren't working as well.
 
You're doing well. Just realize that when people don't understand what you're going through, they may be extremely disrespectful or unhelpful with what they say. Don't let it effect you on a serious level, I know it's not fun or pleasant to see or hear at all.

You're still a brave person for still having contact with your family. :) Think of it that way. A lot of people wouldn't be OK with such a situation, or it would cause them a severe degree of duress.

I really do think you're doing the best thing by not IVing your medications. Without a micron filter, it can be really bad/dangerous for your body. Depending on how you were doing this process (i.e. using tap water, or bottled water - both of which are not ideal sources for injection) eventually your body would have been in more pain from something, be it missed shots (which take longer to go away due to the inactive ingredients that aren't filtered out) or abscesses, or other injection related complications.

If one is meticulous - some of these complications are a lot less likely to happen but still not 100% fool proof.

There are tons of people who are horribly addicted to IVing drugs, and it is extremely hard to stop once you've gotten yourself accustomed to it. I would personally pat yourself on the back and consider yourself lucky.

Even if IVing your medication may bring temporary relief, it will undoubtedly cause a higher tolerance, and before you know it, a month's prescription could be gone in a matter of a week or two, if not days after you've been doing it long enough. So for all the pain you're in now - just realize that you're doing your body a world of good by choosing the oral route of administration. :)

You can always PM me if your family members say nasty things to you. I have heard horrendous things from some family members, it's never pleasant but I eventually learned to not let it effect how I felt at all (I had lots of times to practice in the first 17 years of life ;)).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top