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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

so i'm a toxicomaniac.

B

Bill Idjerint

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 13, 2013
Messages
26
new to the site, and addicted to everything but opioids, which were the worst nightmare in my life.
but i might just get back to them. why? as i told you guys yesterday but nobody noticed it, i went on a ritalin snorting binge >snip< (oh and i type like that cos if i have the work of typing correctly, my right arm and hand begins to throb in pain) then i went to lyrica and roofies. (once again i ask: why roofies have been banned from the us?), woke up a little bit later after i crashed and felt a Strong urge to sniff ritalin again, but since my box is over and i'll only get another in two weeks, might as well go for coke. but the dude who dealed coke was sleeping, and the guy who sells crack was there so i said 'might as well' and bought six crack rocks. smoked two and a half (see the crack mega thread for more details of the 'third world bottle trick') and don't feel the need for more, it was a good, relaxing ride. but lord knows when i come back from lunch with my uncle, if i migt get back there again and buy coke or crack again (although i don't need it) or, go for a lyrica/roofies/quetiapine/haldol/whatever binge again.
i just can't stop getting high. at least i don't drink. cos i'm na alcoholic and if i chug a bottle of beer, everything goes down the drain.
but i AM a toxicomaniac. anybody have any input/can relate/have advice for it? i'm 33, perhaps it's time i get a grip and do something right.
so? anything to add?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
You keep saying you don't need this shit. Which is true; you don't. You want it, so you do it. It's a matter of controlling that impulse of desire, and not letting it flower into actual plans and then action. You work backwards at it; often it helps to cut off the ability to take the action, be it by destroying contact info, straight up telling connects not to sell to you, moving, etc. first, then work on the thought processes and lies to ourselves we will cultivate as addicts, and through out this process your impulses will decrease dramatically, but you will still have urges and cravings to work on and find the sources of.
 
Venrak said:
You keep saying you don't need this shit. Which is true; you don't. You want it, so you do it. It's a matter of controlling that impulse of desire, and not letting it flower into actual plans and then action. You work backwards at it; often it helps to cut off the ability to take the action, be it by destroying contact info, straight up telling connects not to sell to you, moving, etc. first, then work on the thought processes and lies to ourselves we will cultivate as addicts, and through out this process your impulses will decrease dramatically, but you will still have urges and cravings to work on and find the sources of.
Click to expand...

1. I can't move; i have to take care of my mother
2. the apartment was refurbished just now
3. i work as a musician and don't have enough money to move
4. we live STRAIGHT IN THE FRONT of a favela
5. if you want drugs you go to a favela, where the dealers don't give a shit, they just wanna make money, so this deal of 'contacts' and 'connects' just don't exist here in brazil
6. i also have to take care of my schizophrenic father who lives a few blocks away
7. i have schizoaffective disorder (thanks dad). they pump haldol, quetiapine, nortriptiline, duloxetine, etc etc etc on me. i feel powerless.
 
toxicomaniac = addict

If you are looking to stop, have you considered treatment, therapy, recovery groups, etc?
 
I was diagnosed schizoaffective in the late 90s.very confusing.
it sounds like you need to chill.
maybe drop the stimulants that might make your mental illness worse?
just a suggestion there,a start.
and hey,be careful with crack.i fucked up badly on crack while on subs for a couple of years.
worst drug ever.
 
no, toxicomaniac is not = addict. I never feel the need of sticking around for any drug in particular in a pathological way; I was a cocaine adcict yet today's experience with crack - did it make me want for more? no, it felt good as it ended, and i've instantly called my shrink. my depression is way too overwhelming to help me to not abuse all types of drugs - mostly legal since i've got TEH CABINET but even so....i still feel powerless. recovery groups a a joke; they help people get more addicted
 
I called my shrink and told him yesterday what i did. he was pissed off of course, but told me we could work it out. once again i have to set straight that i just like to get high when things seem to be going out of control. today i'm leaving my cabinet alone, taking 20 drops of klonopin (as it was subscribed) and taking my meds normally; just the ritalin will be missing, and frankly, I need a few days off of it. So it's a boring normal and happy day to me listening to the beach boys. :)
 
thank you never! that was awesome really...i feel honored, and i'm feeling super today. the hallucinations are a lot less today as well. who knows?
 
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