Serious So I relapsed and I'm not as okay with it as I thought I would be.

[fromuponpoppyhill]

TL;DR I had years of sober time but never got properly clear headed because I still smoked weed. Despite advice, supplements, groups, having all the tools, knowing better etc I relapsed on K.

It wasn't impulsive. It was planned and depressive, only increasing in intensity. Stretched out from Friday to Monday. Feeling very down in the dumps about it. I've let my loved ones know and it sucks. Hard.

I think it happened because I eventually just cracked under the pressure. I didn't get clean for me, I got clean for someone else and didn't do it properly. Then when that came to a terrifying conclusion, I carried on. I tried to be the person I wanted to be but I put too much pressure on myself. Then all the trauma I had experienced, the weight of responsibility, the stress of an upcoming event and the chaos of the world right now all came together in a big horrible mess and I just snapped.

It was coming for a long time. I could feel it and it was almost like I couldn't even stop it. Like a huge wave that builds and just breaks the obstacles you put in front of it. It got bigger with every stressor of trying to be a normal, functioning human being, all that societal contribution crap, debt, divorce, family, it all just added more and more water until it came crashing down and crushed me.

I'm being honest about it and trying to get the help I need from my support network. I guess I'm just looking for kind words please, and maybe some post-relapse strategies to get myself back on track. I want to get back to eating well, walking, being in nature and looking after my body. It wasn't so long ago that I was doing that, a couple of weeks, but it's been rocky for a while. I need stability and clarity. I'm so bummed out right now.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

Don’t give in to the outdated recovery rhetoric espoused by the War on Drugs and current NA literature. Remember, according to the current evidence on addiction and recovery, RELAPSE IS A PART OF RECOVERY. Recovery is a very personal journey where one realizes their true potential, forgives themselves, and continues on the journey for our own sake.

The stages of addiction and recovery occur in cycles: 1. The pre-contemplative stage 2. The contemplative stage 3. Preparation stage 4. Action 5. Relapse 6. Maintenance. And then back to step one. Contemporary studies show that people who get clean get there eventually after several tries. That is the mean/average/what’s normal.

Remember we’re all human. Humans are frail creatures by nature. Instead, have compassion for ourselves and not just others. And practice not criticizing ourselves so harshly; it is not productive and unnecessary pressure added into the growth process.

 

[Illyria99]

Don't be too hard on yourself, my love. Many of us have been through those fucking stressors in life...we just handle it differently than the so-called normies. (Probably because we're extraordinarily sensitive)

You CAN be the person you've always wanted to be, just take your time. Don't pressure yourself...it will happen. Of that I'm quite sure.

Good luck to you!

 

[fromuponpoppyhill]

Don’t give in to the outdated recovery rhetoric espoused by the War on Drugs and current NA literature. Remember, according to the current evidence on addiction and recovery, RELAPSE IS A PART OF RECOVERY. Recovery is a very personal journey where one realizes our true potential, forgives oneself, and continues on the journey for our own sake.

The stages of addiction and recovery occur in cycles: 1. The pre-contemplative stage 2. The contemplative stage 3. Preparation stage 4. Action 5. Relapse 6. Maintenance. And then back to step one. Contemporary studies show that people who get clean get there eventually after several tries. That is the mean/average/what’s normal.

Remember we’re all human. Humans are frail creatures by nature. Instead, have compassion for ourselves and not just others. And practice not criticizing ourselves so harshly; it is not productive and unnecessary pressure added into the growth process.

What a carefully thought out and considered response. This has brought me so much comfort. I will read further. Thank you.

 

[fromuponpoppyhill]

Don't be too hard on yourself, my love. Many of us have been through those fucking stressors in life...we just handle it differently than the so-called normies. (Probably because we're extraordinarily sensitive)

You CAN be the person you've always wanted to be, just take your time. Don't pressure yourself...it will happen. Of that I'm quite sure.

Good luck to you!

Thank you for your kind words. Perhaps I just need to be a little more patient with myself.

 

[G_Chem]

You reacted exactly as you should in a relapse. I used to say every relapse is a day or two of getting high followed by a week or two of intense guilt. It was that guilt that made each relapse further and further apart. Until one day I stopped and thought about it and it had been years since my last.

-GC

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

You can always start over and try again.


I'll always be a drug user and I'm okay with that. But I've had to empower many friends (alcoholics, meth users, etc..) to get on track, to better themselves. They all end up relapsing at some point and then they end beating themselves up over it. Don't do this. It won't help any.

Take everything day by day. You accomplished a lot of sober time. The fact that you can acknowledge that you didn't enjoy your relapse should just embolden you even more to keep going with your sobriety.

If you don't think sobriety is for you, that's okay too.
Especially if you just did it for some one else.

But if you do want to stay sober, take this relapse as a lesson. Turn it into a motivator. Use it as knowledge & power & move on & continue with your sobriety.
It'll be alright my friend. We are all human and those of us who struggle with substance use often screw up & relapse. But it doesn't have to be the end.

Be well friend, cheers!

 

[fromuponpoppyhill]

You reacted exactly as you should in a relapse. I used to say every relapse is a day or two of getting high followed by a week or two of intense guilt. It was that guilt that made each relapse further and further apart. Until one day I stopped and thought about it and it had been years since my last.

-GC

Thanks buddy. That's exactly it isn't it, a couple of days doing it and then dealing with the consequences. Back in the day I had plenty of them, but I guess it hits harder when it's been a while doesn't it.

 

[neversickanymore]

Consider writing down a true account of the relapse. How did you fantasize it was going to be and how was it really.

Throw the gilt and shame out the window.. it’s not warranted and can also drive use.

What adjustments can you do to make your sobriety more enjoyable and sustain the abstinence your shooting for? How can you tweak your plan.

 

[fromuponpoppyhill]

So the first couple of days has been rough. I'm waiting for a friend to come over and take the rest of my stash, but I've been able to resist it so that's pretty cool. They're on their way so I can give them all the stuff that I don't want around me and I think that'll help.

I haven't been able to get a solid routine or sleep schedule in place just yet but at least I'm building up to it. I've been keeping a diary and tracking what I'm doing every day, lifting, trying to get some personal care in and trying to eat something. The hardest parts have been getting out in to nature cause there are storms here, and trying to get the fuck to sleep.

A little bit of social time today and a visit from a loved one at the weekend should help. I went right back to group and talked through the lead up, the others there were incredibly supportive and it helped to soothe some of that guilt. I know it's not helpful to feel guilt, or shame, I guess it's just kind of difficult isn't it to not absorb all that public opinion.

Working on it. I hope it gets easier soon. It did last time so... I guess it will.

 

[Nas47]

You can always start over and try again.


I'll always be a drug user and I'm okay with that. But I've had to empower many friends (alcoholics, meth users, etc..) to get on track, to better themselves. They all end up relapsing at some point and then they end beating themselves up over it. Don't do this. It won't help any.

Take everything day by day. You accomplished a lot of sober time. The fact that you can acknowledge that you didn't enjoy your relapse should just embolden you even more to keep going with your sobriety.

If you don't think sobriety is for you, that's okay too.
Especially if you just did it for some one else.

But if you do want to stay sober, take this relapse as a lesson. Turn it into a motivator. Use it as knowledge & power & move on & continue with your sobriety.
It'll be alright my friend. We are all human and those of us who struggle with substance use often screw up & relapse. But it doesn't have to be the end.

Be well friend, cheers!

Never feel comfortably,when i am hooked on painkillers.Thats why probably just rotate my meds.From one hook to another....with ocassional longer remissions from a couple of months to year-two.Max five years sobriety(but with weed).Strangely my benzo habbit did not bothers me at all.Best wishes bro.

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

Never feel comfortably,when i am hooked on painkillers.Thats why probably just rotate my meds.From one hook to another....with ocassional longer remissions from a couple of months to year-two.Max five years sobriety(but with weed).Strangely my benzo habbit did not bothers me at all.Best wishes bro.

To each their own my friend!

My opioid habit has kept me off alcohol at least. lol

I've always thought the key to beating an addiction is getting addicted to something else. And that's been my experience really.
In the end, I prefer my opioid addiction over the emotional, violent & crazy suicidal person I was when I drank all the time.

 

[fromuponpoppyhill]

I would be inclined to agree that whatever does you the least harm, if it stops you from doing the things that cause you the most harm then go with that. I don't buy into the NA mentality that doing anything means you're not in recovery. It looks different for everyone. For some people it's running, lifting, climbing mountains or whatever, for some it's weed, for others it's a different med. What matters most is being able to cope with your life as best you can.

With a little bit of clarity after a few days since having the lapse, for me it seems that taking anything like opioids or K if just a fast track to ruin and has a negative effect on my mental health. A little weed at the weekends, giving rosemary honey a shot, and sticking to the supplements feels okay. Shrooms as a lil treat.

But the most important things are I need to eat well, stay active and sleep properly to feel well. I feel a little better since doing that.