So this weekend was quite a weekend.... The chaos started with going to a hospital to get help getting through a weekend I didn't have any opiate pain management meds due to an office error with a dependany build since the end of February after quitting for a month myself at January's end after getting raped as always I was running out of my meds not having enough for my pain levels without being able to point it out and have levels adjusted up as even though my pain will take at least a month if not 3 months where I'm treated as of I'm expected to quit within weeks even though I struggle with living my life due to the pain let alone keep up with exercising so after a failed overdose suicide attempt a sexual predator living in my acted as if he would be a comforting friend only to push me to use crack in my desperation lining for anything to fix my life when what I wanted most was a back rub, but only was fucked, which I learned after that moment it's sexual intercourse without care of love that no one should have that experience.
So being in withdrawals and pushing it off levels las long as possible as no hospital gives me any respect as I've used heroin in desperation when cut off opiates unfairly for running out early because the levels prescribed I usually guess choosing naive dosage hoping i could manage knowing full well I need more than naive doses. So yes after five years of struggling to get pain managed with or without opiates quitting opiates at least four time in the last five years. I just couldn't bare it so I called an ambiance, which unfortunately took me to a hospital that did nothing for me last time I was vomiting due to not passing stools enough due to going through withdrawals and bleeding from my rectum. They blamed the vomiting on withdrawals even though it started before running out of my meds, reassured me my pain would be treated only to feed me ativan for withdrawals that gives me extreme rebound anxiety even with one use while refusing to give me pain meds as if it was helping me while trying to start me on a 20 ativan script, and sent me home in a taxi while I repeatedly stated I planned to kill myself and if I didn't forget the ativan script I would not be here today likely.
This weekend even with the ambulance reassuring I wasn't a drug seeking patient that is how I was treated. I begged to help me through the weekend only to be asked why I didn't do anything the day before. Even though I told the doctor I had my mother vacationing with my family in the east coast leaving them all unable to do anything for me besides beg my doctor to prescribe me something to keep me "safe" even though she agrees she doesn't like the idea of opiates for my pain management while some mistake did not get the script he told my mother he would put in to keep me safe, and just repeated he wouldn't give me narcotics and to see my primary care even though I begged for help to manage the pain through the weekend without even pushing opiates just stabilizing myself to get me through the weekend to keep me safe from myself. I ended up putting on my shoes, walking out yelling, "Goodbye! I'm leaving! I'm going to kill myself! Goodbye! ," in response to the staff laughing in response to me I hit my head in the exit door, told the front desk to tell the back I am going to kill myself because of their treatment, walked out without any resistance, and walked down to a street with fast moving cars where I walk street getting hit by a car going 30-40 mph... Luckily I walked away with only a few abrasions and a real wakeup to the fact I'm uber depressed. How do I return to the light?
So being in withdrawals and pushing it off levels las long as possible as no hospital gives me any respect as I've used heroin in desperation when cut off opiates unfairly for running out early because the levels prescribed I usually guess choosing naive dosage hoping i could manage knowing full well I need more than naive doses. So yes after five years of struggling to get pain managed with or without opiates quitting opiates at least four time in the last five years. I just couldn't bare it so I called an ambiance, which unfortunately took me to a hospital that did nothing for me last time I was vomiting due to not passing stools enough due to going through withdrawals and bleeding from my rectum. They blamed the vomiting on withdrawals even though it started before running out of my meds, reassured me my pain would be treated only to feed me ativan for withdrawals that gives me extreme rebound anxiety even with one use while refusing to give me pain meds as if it was helping me while trying to start me on a 20 ativan script, and sent me home in a taxi while I repeatedly stated I planned to kill myself and if I didn't forget the ativan script I would not be here today likely.
This weekend even with the ambulance reassuring I wasn't a drug seeking patient that is how I was treated. I begged to help me through the weekend only to be asked why I didn't do anything the day before. Even though I told the doctor I had my mother vacationing with my family in the east coast leaving them all unable to do anything for me besides beg my doctor to prescribe me something to keep me "safe" even though she agrees she doesn't like the idea of opiates for my pain management while some mistake did not get the script he told my mother he would put in to keep me safe, and just repeated he wouldn't give me narcotics and to see my primary care even though I begged for help to manage the pain through the weekend without even pushing opiates just stabilizing myself to get me through the weekend to keep me safe from myself. I ended up putting on my shoes, walking out yelling, "Goodbye! I'm leaving! I'm going to kill myself! Goodbye! ," in response to the staff laughing in response to me I hit my head in the exit door, told the front desk to tell the back I am going to kill myself because of their treatment, walked out without any resistance, and walked down to a street with fast moving cars where I walk street getting hit by a car going 30-40 mph... Luckily I walked away with only a few abrasions and a real wakeup to the fact I'm uber depressed. How do I return to the light?
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