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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

so hard to be sober

mrflowers00

mrflowers00

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
3,693
Location
santa rosa, CA
i've tried my damnedest to stay sober even doing rehab and AA/NA meetings and i just can't stop getting high it's like an illness like cancer thats advanced to a stage of no radiation or chemo therapy is going to fix this the longest i've stayed sober is about 3 months and i thought that was an incredible feat but i got to step 6 in AA and relapsed
 
yeah shit me neither, i function better on drugs. At least try to be happy, i don't know why addicts have to be depressed. I really fell off the wagon this month.
 
Hey man, glad to hear you had a couple months. This at least proves you are more than CAPABLE, so dont get so down. 3 months is 3 months more than the average addict makes, so you should be happy to know youve got it in you.

Another thing: if youre doing NA/AA, thats GREAT! It helped me, a LOT, for those first 3 months. I dont go anymore, but despite my own personal reasons for that I cannot deny the following: NA helped me immensely.

However, I dunno if you have a sponsor or what, but you should DEFINITELY NOT be working the steps that early man. You should maybe be up to step 3, just because it takes no effort on your part. To have gotten to step 6 and then relapsed is not a weird thing, because you should not have even been working the steps. Starting the steps too soon CAN lead to relapse, especially if you get results that you aren't hoping for.

This is why its important to have quite a bit of time under your belt before you start the steps. The step about amends for example, if you jump the gun and start making amends before youre prepared internally? What happens when you go out to make an amend and it gets thrown in your face? Not everyone is going to react the way you want them to, and until youre prepared for that mentally, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, etc. Until you're ready for that on ALL LEVELS, working the steps is the last fuckin thing you should be doin.

So try it again man. 3 months is quite a bit of time, dont dump on yourself too hard. See if you can make it 3 months and a day this time! But dont start doing things that youre not ready for. Go to meetings, sit there, share if you must, even accept that they're helpful. But steps should be the farthest thing from your mind at the moment, and if your sponsor tells you otherwise? Get a new sponsor.
 
mrflowers00 said:
i wouldn't mind being a drug addict if it weren't for peoples negative views of me and the withdrawals
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try to make your addiction less obvious, live a normal life and stock up, pile up for that matter so that you do not run out. There are many ways to make money to do this. Otherwise follow doommood's advice.
 
i disagree with waiting to start the steps i think it's different for everyone and for me the best way to get sober is to jump right into the program and work it as hard as i can without cracking
 
AA/NA never worked for me.
im not religious in the sense they teach it, and the whole program is based off a higher power.
so idk, ive been clean shy a month, and im pretty happy. never thought id reach a point where i could be somewhat happy and sober.

also never thought id reach a point where the number in my bank account was above $0 8)

i did it myself, and maybe thats a better way for you. clean up at your own pace, and set your own ground rules. nobody knows how to help you better than you.
 
opium said:
AA/NA never worked for me.
im not religious in the sense they teach it, and the whole program is based off a higher power.
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I was rigorously anti-theism for my entire life until I stumbled into AA in a haze. I was living in a halfway house and I had moved there straight out of detox. I did the steps before I even knew what was going on and by six months I was through step twelve. As someone else commented I believe that there is no right pace to go through the steps, but I would also point out that it wasn't until I had begun making amends that I felt the obsession to get fucked up lift. If I hadn't gotten to that point in a reasonable time frame there is no way I could have stayed off dope. I haven't gotten high or drunk in five years.

i did it myself, and maybe thats a better way for you. clean up at your own pace, and set your own ground rules. nobody knows how to help you better than you.
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If you can do this, more power to you. I could not because I was absolutely out of my mind and didn't understand that I could not trust what I thought (and I still can't, not always). That is sort of the reason AA requires some belief in some higher power outside one's self. "My best thinking got me here."

I used to wake up every single morning and scream because I knew I would be facing another day on planet earth. Today I have all the material things I need and then some, and I earned it all myself after being basically homeless before. I actually made it back into school and I am on the fucking dean's list somehow. I could never have built the stable, comfortable, and happy life that I have today without getting sober and for me I do not think I could have gotten off drugs without AA. I am still a bit of a headcase at times but I never feel nearly as lonely and miserable as I did before. My relationships with all the people I love have been repaired and strengthened. I am now someone people in my life turn to when they need help, rather than a constant source of worry and remorse.

In my time in AA I've seen literally hundreds of people transform their lives by doing the steps. I will not ever go so far as to say that it is the only way to get off drugs, but it is definitely a way to do it. I am not special or any different from you at all, OP. If I can do this, you can absolutely manage it. I suggest anyone struggling just give it an honest chance and apply themselves 100% through all twelve steps. You can go at your own pace, but don't half ass it and don't stop moving forward. Plenty of people relapse while working the steps, but you can't really say they didn't work for you if you haven't made it past the halfway mark... Give it another shot. You really don't have anything to lose.
 
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The best advice I can give is to try and fill your life with other things of interest, and find other ways to have fun. Maybe there are things you used to have fun doing before you discovered drugs, and you could revisit those. The number one thing that makes me turn to drugs is boredom. Boredom is a mind killer.
 
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