Mental Health So desperate

Hi Whale Eyes, hang in there mate :)

I'm just off to bed so I won't be able to check if you've replied, but I hope you find a way to put whatever it is that's troubling you so much behind you.

Al
 
Feel so suicidal, the help I need isn't available

The support team hung up on me recently cuz I was crying & they couldn't understand me

They also are generally rude to me cause I have BPD, they treat me like a child who is misbehaving

Mom wants me commited but they said only if I engage with the teams

But the teams make me feel worse & more suicidal

This isn't a joke
 
Can I ask why you want to end your life? Has something happemed to bring this on? We have a suicidal thread here in the recovery section in The Dark Sode. However if you feel you're going to end your life I suggest that you get to the hospital or call your emergency services.

How do you feel about your Mam wanting you admitted? Sounds like she's comcerned n wants to keep you safe.

Maybe the helpline got cut off n didn't hang up? It sounds very unprofessional to hang up on someone. Borderline Personality Disorder is veru misunderstood n stigmatised. I don't know you so don't know if you genuinelt wish to end your life, whether this is intense reaction to something that has occurred or "attemtion seeking." I'm not saying you're attention seeking but even if you were (or anyone) that's no reason to reject someone. If someone is trying to seek attention they're doing it for a reason n anyone who cares will trh t help that person.

You can post here n we will talk to you but please know we're not professionals n that's really what, I feel, you need right now. Can I ask have you attempted to end your life before? Have you had these thoughts before? I'm sorry to ask all these questions but can't try
To help unless have some understanding. Nothing is ecer that bad you need to end your life though it often seems so at the time.

Last July I went for it in trying to end my life. I was in agony; in hospta n an IV drip for four days n the guilt I felt was immense. What I'm saying is 9 tens out of ten suicide attempts don't work but make you ill n you're still around to see the hurt on people's faces as they try to understand wjynyou did this.

Hang in there ok people care about you even if it feels that no one does. Things will get better. You can beat thus. And PLEASE, get to hospital if tge thoughts persist, get yourself sectioned do what you need to do to keep yourself safe n get better <3

Evey
 
Hi Evey

I have had depression for so long as well as BPD and anxiety. I've never had proper treatment and all my symptoms have grown progressively worse, to the point where I am in such psychological pain, I cannot bear it.

I've tried to reach out many times. Two years ago I begged the local services to help me, but all they had (for BPD) was very intensive group therapy where you discuss each other's thoughts all day, but my social anxiety was so severe, I told them it would be too much for me. They just told me that was it and hung up on me.

I tried again last year to get support, but the mental health team treated me poorly because of the BPD diagnosis. I had such bad depression & anxiety, I could barely move or leave the house, and they kept accusing me of 'not engaging' and said if I didn't make more effort then there was nothing they could do. Around that time I took seven serious overdoses. After each overdose I was sent home.

I left the country for a while with my partner and tried to rehabilitate myself in the south of France, (with brief private therapy via the phone) which eased the depression slightly, but worsened the anxiety. Then I came back and after a lack of support again am now experiencing the worsening of the depression.

I am again trying to access support, but the mental health workers treat me with contempt. I have not been allocated a community psychiatric nurse, so every time I call them it is a different person each time, and most of whom treat me like a nuisance, even though I am in severe emotional pain and desperately want help.

The last person I spoke to did hang up on me, he said he was going to hang up and then did. (Because I was crying too much).

Another guy spoke to me like I was a child, barely giving me a chance to talk and saying persecutory remarks whenever I said anything. (I told him I was worried about my violent behaviour, and he abruptly said that I just need to take responsibility). It was not a helpful thing to say to someone who already feels guilty and is just asking for help.

Anyway, I have been in pain for so long that is getting more unbearable, and there are such little resources out there who deal with complex needs (charities are not equipped to deal with needs like mine). Suicide seems like the only option for me.

I've been told I'm too high risk for therapy and most therapists don't even know how to begin to help me. I need specialised help.

I feel more suicidal each day as I see more & more that there is no hope. I have tried going to A&E but the only thing they have to offer are those teams that I mentioned.

And not only are they ill-equipped and judgemental, the lack of consistency is also unsettling.

My mom can try and get me admitted if she likes, I want help, but there is hardly any there. For me to be referred to a specialist hospital, the care commissioner said I have to engage with those teams for several months before being considered.. The teams that make me feel worse, and who also induce my suicidal ideation.

I am not defeatist. I am a girl with BPD living under a conservative government who have decided to kill the NHS.

And they wouldn't section me. I have 'mental capacity' so they don't section you unless you are psychotic.. Last week in A&E (after the police threatened me to go) I refused the mental health assessment, because all they have to offer are those mental health support teams. I was sent home.

I'm reaching out to this forum as I'm so desperate. I really need treatment but there doesn't seem to be any. I know you are very limited in what you can do, I just didn't know where else to turn
 
Onviously I don't know the facts but sounds like you're yearning for someone, anyome, to losten to you n no one isypu could goto PALS if you're not happy with the way you're being treated due to you diagnosis. The treatment for Borderline Persomslity Disorder is Dialetic Behavioural Therapy. I know it's not what you may want to hear but why not just do what they say n if they see you're engaging eith them they may give you the help you need. There is more of a pull off wanting to treat people with mental health conditions, in the community rather than in hospital nowadays so try not to feel like it's all personal. Most people unless, as they say, are in some form of psychosis, are now treated in the community.

I know it's not ideal but why not try to help yourself a little bit here? Won't you feel proud, knowing you've comquered even a small part of what's going on for you - against the odds? Why not order a self-help book on DB in tge library or look online for some DBT self help taasks - you might be pleasantly surprised it may prove really helpful? I know it's not the same as talking to a professional but surely it's better than nothing n continuing on like this, with all these negativee thoughts you're having?

What do you think? <3

Evey
 
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