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.:Slumber in a tin can:.

CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 3, 2002
Messages
13,575
Location
Bris-Vegas.
.:Slumber in a tin can:.

She wakes, rouses slowly
Shakes her body softly down
Her eyes blink at the light
That burns through the glass.

The suburbs wash past
The thickened window panes
Their muted colours are
Mixing
Dancing
Melting
In the dried orange sun.

She lends a creaking care
To the child across the aisle
Whose nose is oozing
Sniffling, moaning
Red faced, tight, annoyed.

Then ringing tones shriek and pierce
The muffled morning murmurs.
Legs shuffle
Eyes dart
And many bodies shift.

They move in a constant state
Of waiting, watching
Thinking, choosing
Wandering with purpose
Towing their own lines through the streets.
 
This is so good, packed full of rich wonderful imagery.

The suburbs wash past
The thickened window panes
Their muted colours are
Mixing
Dancing
Melting
In the dried orange sun.

Has such a good feeling, about things we might just take to be ordinary or mundane! You rock girl!
 
Yeah I agree, there's a nice attention to small details here.

I love the line, "The suburbs wash past" - very effective word choice!
 
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