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Sliding Doors

Raz

Raz

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2002
Messages
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In an igloo made of asbestos and chicken-wire.
You know that movie with Gwyneth Paltrow? Where she makes a minor different choice and her entire life changes?

Does anyone have any of these moments in their life, a choice that could have taken you down a completely different path? Like for example, the person who decided to take the stairs instead of the lift and so *didn't* plummet to their death? Okay, that's an extreme example, but I'll start....

*When I finished primary school, I could have gotten a scholarship to a private boys' high school to sing in their choir, but I turned it down because I couldn't be arsed with rehearsals....I think back on that every now and then and think I would have been a worse person if I had gone to that school. My life as a teenager was fucked up enough as it is, I don't think I would have handled the extra pressure of feeling obliged to perform well for my scholarship. Nervous breakdown time..

*The other big one is my ex. I often wonder what my life would be like today if I hadn't seen him again after the first night. We spent nearly 5 years together, and it kind of shattered any progress I'd made with my self-esteem, took a few years to get that back. It's only now that I've actually recaptured that motivation to actually do things with my life. I have no regrets because I've learned a lot about myself and made some great friends through knowing him, but I do think that I would probably be enjoying my job more and probably working in a more creative field if I hadn't met him....and I sure as hell would have been exposed to a lot less goddamn Abba, that in itself would be worth a do-over.... ;)

Anyone else wanna play?
 
well i have a very similar thing...and btw i haven't seen sliding doors, but i know what the general gist of the movie is...

1. i used to do ballet from when i was about 3 until about age 11. my mothers dream for me was to be a ballerina in the australian ballet company...i think that i was put on a strict diet from about age 6 because i was told that i didnt have a ballerinas figure....
anyway, by the time i was about 11 years old, ready to start high school i was doing ballet almost every morning and afternoon, doing rehearsals every saturday, all day and then doing competitions on sundays, and on the holidays i even went to ballet summer school. i did every type of ballet/dance available to me - jazz, modern, classical etc. anyway i got to age 11 and they decided that they would put me in a "point" class, which is where you pretty much dance on your toes and your feet get so sore and cut and bloodied its unbelievable. anyway it turns out that i was pretty good for a 11 year old on "point" so they put me in an advanced class and everyone started talking about me doing this and doing that and my schedule pretty much consisted of school and ballet and thats it.

but one day i woke up and realised that i just wanted to have a break and not do ballet for a while. so despite my mother pressuring me to just keep doing "a few classes a week" i gave it up altogether, telling mum that i was "just having a break" - this gave me a chance to open up some co-curricular avenues at school that i had been exploring: basketball and baseball and i LOVED them both......i never went back to ballet, and played more and more basketball (to fill all of my spare 'ballet' time)

i always wondered what "could have" been if i didnt decide i wanted to go on a break, if i just would have kept dancing and eventually become a ballerina, or whether i would have just been an anorexic/bulimc girl who wasnt quite good enough to get into the aus ballet company.

and i spose number 2 would be
2) i really really enjoyed doing all outdoor things from about year 8 onward, i loved the subject of outdoor education and i couldnt get enough of rock climbing and caving. and i pretty much decided that my career choice would be an outdoor education teacher...although i wasnt really into teaching all that much, there arent a lot of fields of outdoor education employment....anyway i was an outdoor ed leader at my school and took year 7's on camps etc. then in year 10 going into year 11 when you are sposed to pick your subjects that "determine your life" *right* i looked up a few uni courses that related to outdoor ed, just to make sure that it was what i wanted to do....and when i really looked at them i decided that they weren't me and went ahead and picked subjects like drama, photography and literature.....although that probably wasn't a "big" life changing decision, it's always left me wondering that if i had continued to be a total outdoor ed buff instead of turning into a typical drama student in my later years that maybe i'd be studying skiing or something up at mt.buller instead of making documentaries and trying to be the next steven speilberg...i dont know....

these are the things i thought of most when i read this sliding doors thing...i dont know if both of those are actual life changing moments...but i spose im only 19, i dont think ive had that many!!!

good thread btw raz :)
 
great to see ppl who think like i do (which is scary in itself... ;) )

i've always wondered this.... i sort of look back at important moments in my life and wonder "wot if.."

some of u know and some of u dont, but a couple of years back i was head over heels in love, even got engaged to a girl i met when i was staying in melbourne.... now i met her at a youth hostel where i was staying, but i had been out the afternoon before i met her that nite, and was rushing back so i could get ready to go out with another girl i had met during the week... i got stuck in trafic, and missed girl number one... i was shitty, and one of hte guys i knew there told me to come out with him and some of the others.. and thats where i met my ex.... so, if i hadnt gotten stuck in traffic, i never would have met her....

even as far back as my childhood... i was always a fairly spoilt child, our family was rather rich (dad drove a ferrari, mum a mercedes) and i was your typical rich kid at posh school living off dad's wealth... untill one day dad went broke and we lost everything.... that event, although it seemed bad at the time, was possibly the best thing ever to happen to me as it turned me into the person i am today... self made, very down to earth and very loyal to people i care about....





but a bit of a trick for all of you reading this thread.....



think back to the first time you met anyone who is important in your life.... then do the "reverse sliding doors" think back to any little decisions u made around that time, and just imagine if one of those had led to you not meeting this person......

and ditto to wot kryalkastleE said... top thread raz... :)
 
I think this sort of thing happens every second of every day, but it's just that some events are significant enough to actually notice them. However most usually go past quietly without much conscious thought being given to them.

If you decide to go left instead of right and you end up being paralysed in a car crash then the effects of the decision are obvious. But if nothing happens it's more complicated - what if you avoided a car crash? What if the only difference was the time it took you to get where you're going? The effects of that time difference might not be seen until much later - perhaps the slight difference from the left/right decision meant you just missed the elevator later, and the flow-on effects continued from then on. In a week you might meet someone who you end up marrying, but you might not have met them if only you went right way back at a time it's now impossible to make a clear connection to. And the millions and millions of decisions you've made from that point on (and even those leading up to that point) also played a part in some way or another.

And if you want to really do your head in, remember that the person you might or might not meet has gone through exactly the same process - if they went left instead of right then maybe they wouldn't be standing in the spot you met them anyway - who knows what random situation you will walk in to.

I guess what it boils down to is do you believe in fate or free will? It can be questioned that even though the smallest decision you make might seem to have an effect on your life, are you really in control of that decision in the first place? What if you were always going to go left? You might think you chose to do it, but in reality you were never going to go right because, well, you just weren't! Personally I don't really believe that theory too much, but it's an interesting flip-side to the concept none the less. :)
 
deciding to see my dad again i guess
or deciding to eat that first magic mushroom
 
In terms of gained wisdom, any experience good or bad is beneficial. While it's unavoidable reflecting on past decisions and bad choices, it's also important in rationalising the event.

It is with hindsight that you learn. Your approach in a similar situation years down the line will include the lessons learned last time. Balanced through reflection, this doesn't necessarily mean you'll be less inclined to enter into a relationship next time, but rather that you will be able to rely on your intuition which usually becomes more dependable and less easily sidetracked by feelin's ov LUV. It's not strictly hesitation, just awareness and the choices that are presented with it.

As for application to work if you hadn't been in a relationship; hehe, I have to laugh here, sorry Raz. I know exactly what you mean; the euphoria which continually distracts your attention. But who's to say that without that relationship at the time, you may have well become bored with your job and fled to live as a recluse on a Desert Island. The personal benefit of the lessons learned often comes with seeing the fortitude in yourself following something as traumatic as a break up of a 5 year relationship. Your abilities to advise, console and empathize are all improved by this. To quote an old saying

An ounce of wisdom is worth a pound of Wit.....



Some others which may be relevant.


Mankind are always happier for having been happy, so that if you make them happy now, you make them happy 20 years hence by the memory of it

-- Sydney Smith


Life is mostly froth and bubble
Two things stand like stone
Kindness in anothers trouble
Courage in our own

-- A.L. Gordon


Pray Love me little so you Love me long

-- Herrick

Here's a sigh to those who love me
And a smile for those who hate
And whatever sky's above me
Here's a heart for every fate

-- Byron (To Thomas Moore)

He either fears his fate too much
Or his deserts are too small
That dares not put to the touch
To gain and lose it all

--Marquis of Montrose


There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, when taken at the flood, leads on to fortune
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallow and in miseries

--Shakespeare

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind

--Shakespeare
Click to expand...

Which ever you believe, there's one certainty in proverb;
Better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all

As for myself and past crossroads; Sure there have been many that may have increased prosperity if the other path had been chosen. But when it comes down to it, it's what makes you happy. In that respect there are relatively few regrets from where I stand today.
 
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I guess for me one of the most significant decisions I made early on in life was to get married, at the age of 23. I've oftened wondered what path my life would have taken if I didn't go down this road.

On the otherside of the coin and related to the above - I've often also wondered what if I didn't iniate the process of getting seperated which led to divorce. Logic predicts it would have been bound to happen, but it still leaves me wondering.

These are probably the two most influencial turning points in my life that iniated a string of events that effected me greatly.
 
phase_dancer said:
As for application to work if you hadn't been in a relationship; hehe, I have to laugh here, sorry Raz. I know exactly what you mean; the euphoria which continually distracts your attention. But who's to say that without that relationship at the time, you may have well become bored with your job and fled to live as a recluse on a Desert Island. The personal benefit of the lessons learned often comes with seeing the fortitude in yourself following something as traumatic as a break up of a 5 year relationship. Your abilities to advise, console and empathize are all improved by this. To quote an old saying
Click to expand...

Naw, maybe I should explain more...it wasn't so much being distracted by lurv....before I met him I'd only just started feeling good about myself and positive about what I could do--was highly involved in community work, radio, comics, fine art...all sorts of neat stuff. But we were very codependant, and that was what shattered my drive to do things for myself, and eventually screwed my self-esteem as well; not that I'm blaming him, but it was a result of our unhealthy relationship with one another. In a perfect world, I would have stayed single for a couple more years until I was really comfortable in my own skin and less likely to try and completely change my character to suit a boyfriend.

I do agree with what you said about not having regrets though....those experiences made me who I am today, and I like that person. I have a lot of confidence, empathy and all that other good stuff because I went through a shitful few years and came out the other side more in tune with who I am. So I wouldn't change it if I had the choice, but it's still interesting to do "what if"s....

And thanks for the response peeps, let's see some more! :D
 
Sorry if I was too assuming with my comments Raz. As you indicated, it's probably important to be in a relationship like this at some stage of your life, even for a short period. I mean one where you completely surrender to the point of neglecting and altering your priorities. The shock that usually comes with such a realisation tends to build character and allows for good introspection. It can, and usually does happen regardless of whether the relationship lasts or not. Perhaps that's why most successful relationships over time see changing roles occur between couples. It's certainly the case with Spesh and my relationship of 19 years.

During a rather sleepless night last night, I thought about your thread question and realised I could have, and probably should have addressed an area I used to wonder about.

That is; what if I'd never said the name of my girl when I was asked who I most wanted as a g/f after the girls left?.... I'll attempt to explain.

I came to Aus in 81 with a girl I'd been with for 2 years. Another 3 years later we broke up. It was a complicated affair with a lack of honesty - more a result of fear than any intention to deceive. The day she left for Sydney, an old family friend came to stay. After a ghastly encounter with some mull cookies, this friend rang her cousin who was holidaying in the area. I awoke to find 2 beautiful dutch girls half naked in my kitchen. They had nursed the cookie affected girl through the night and were looking rather exhausted. I made them breakfast and they moved in that afternoon.

To cut a long story short, over the next few months I had the life many guys dream about. It got even wilder when a Spanish model fell for one of the dutch girls. It was a time that saw me very fit and self confident, but in retrospect, I don't think I was really that happy. There was never any doubt about the lifespan of this undefinable relationship, and at times I longed for something deeper.

Anyway, when they were to leave for the rest of their world adventures, one asked me who I'd like to go out with after they'd gone. I said that I really liked K (Spesh) but I didn't think she'd have any interest in me, as this being a small town, she was no-doubt aware of what I'd been doing over the past months. And she was a pretty straight girl - or so I thought. The confident reply was that before they departed, she would be mine. What developed over the next weeks would take pages, but it suffices to say that the resulting relationship was more than either of us ever dreamed possible.

I've always felt it was the right direction to have taken, but I used to occasionally wonder what sort of life may have resulted if I'd instead chosen a town (plastic) hotty in answer to that question :\
 
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I have lots of these, but these are the four main ones:

When I was in Year 11, my parents decided to move from Adelaide to Melbourne. I had the option of staying in Adelaide with my grandparents and long-term boyfriend and finishing school (and then doing whatever I liked, presumably). I chose to move with them, met a guy who got me into drugs and drinking and my life was never the same - it was uber complicated. Before then, it was nice and simple and easy. What would've happened if I'd stayed in Adelaide with my grandparents?

Later, I moved back to Adelaide and lived there for awhile. I had a ball, but I decided to go on a holiday to the UK for a few months, to meet up with some people I knew online and go travelling in Europe for a bit. Then September 11 happened and I didn't go - what if I'd gone?

When I decided not to go, I moved back to Melbourne to be near my family, where I've been mostly miserable ever since. So again I have to ask, what would've happened if I'd stayed in Adelaide?

And then there was my decision to move into a house with a bunch of bluelighters (I didn't know what bluelighters were then). What if I hadn't moved in with them, and then hadn't smoked pot with them on the night I had my psychoses? How would my life be different now? No anxiety, no fear; but probably no husband and no gorgeous baby. I hate that "what if", it eats me up inside. What if I didn't have to live with fear every day and I was travelling the world being rich and successful - but childless and lonely? Or even not lonely? Argh.
 
As much as I like to believe I'm in control, when I look back it seems that my entire life up to this point has been directed by chance. Leaving uni, starting a career, travelling, and all my friendships or relationships can, in one way or another be traced to random circumstances or decisions

I think that those little moments that change everything are omni-present. Its impossible to pinpoint 'sliding doors' incidents because those moments, themselves, were influenced by the million flukes of fate that preceded them.
its the most perfect example of the chaos theory I could imagine.
 
I have got to make one of these decisions very shortly...

Do I:
- Stay at University for the time being

OR

- Take a chance and accept an offer to model over in Melbourne, being pushed by an agency that is so confident they will pay my way over there and give me accomodation.


It is a tough un...
 
not tough at all shnouzer - school always comes first. Beauty you're born with, brains you learn. Finish school. The modelling opportunities will still be there provided no one throws acid in your face.

Personally, I see no point in theorising what could have been. I have a hard enough time working through this life instead of figuring out my alternate life. I'm happy now. In this life. That's what matters.
 
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yeah as usual you are most likely the right voice of reason nezo...

It is just oh-so tempting to change my current starving student lifestyle, with milk crates for furniture, and boiling water on my cereal instead of pricey milk..

...For a near instant, glamourous and most likely very profitable - yet temporary - life change.

now back to dodging acid... thanks for the advice though matey :)
 
Has anyone ever had the opportunity to do something 3 times and have instead done something else?

The whole crossroads thing has been fucking with my head something shocking, but for once I'm going to go with that other choice, that's if I have to make that decision again...

Perhaps it's fate that I go with the other choice?
 
yeah the drug life vs the drug free life

I would say with certainty I would have an entirely different existence.
 
shnouzerpuff- i would advise you to go be the model. Why? there are countless pros to this.


1. Boosts your confidence
2. Breaks from the monotonous work from school
3. You get more independence
4. You will learn to adapt to new conditions
5. You will have the oppourtunity to make new friends.

Not to mention, you can easily defer a year of university. And because you will becoming back to university in a different mindstate, you would have definately have matured and will be more focused and will do better in general.

If i was cute enough to be a model, i would take the offer on straight away. The university will definately wait for you; its just a defer! Just make sure you deal with your model company first. find out facts... are they dodgy? do they have enough cash? etc etc!

good luck ;) Those are just my two cents! :)
 
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