cabrona
Bluelighter
Not sure exactly how this happened. basically, long story short, my boyfriend (let's call him J) has been insanely paranoid about me potentially leaving him for and/or cheating on him with his nicer, better looking friend F. F and I start hanging out behind my boyfriend's back, nothing sexual at first, but then we started having the best nights out and slowly got more intimate with each other. After a couple months, we finally have sex (how is it that I exercise restraint in this fucking situation and seemingly never do otherwise?) May I add, F has a girlfriend who comes to the state like, no more than once a year, barely talks to her, but uhh, they're dating? She sounds like nothing more than a decoy girlfriend; some of his friends, who I know through my boyfriend, say the same thing about him, that he's basically just with her to be with somebody but that their relationship is essentially fake and nonexistent.
Anyway, now it has grown into a full-fledged pseudorelationship, while he remains with decoy girlfriend and I, at least outwardly, stay with J for the hell of it. F and I go out on what appear to be dates (he always picks me up, takes me out for drinks, dinner, shows, takes me home, etc...) or at least it sure feels that way, and he even says shit to me like, if I weren't with decoy azn girlfriend, he and I would be together. The way it feels when we're together, I don't think he's just saying it to be nice. I sense real feelings developing and it scares me due to the weirdness of the situation, but, typical for my life for this to happen.
Now, this is incredibly shady on both of our parts, but I think we're both stuck in our present relationships and afraid to move onto something better, which I think we have found in each other. I enjoy spending time with him so much but I'm scared to tell him how I feel so as not to a) ruin what is already established, b) get rejected in case I'm misinterpreting that this might be growing into something more, and c) don't want to scare him off as a friend.
Something needs to change soon. I hope this post makes some sense and doesn't make me seem like a whiny nutjob, but what do my fellow bluelighters think I should do?
I'm probably going to see where things go for now, but I need to make a move in some direction soon (which will include, at the least, me breaking things off with J, my real boyfriend, very soon, since I don't want to hurt or betray him more than I already have. I'm just so happy when I'm with F). This is also probably a huge oversimplification of events, especially since J and F have both been after me the (separate) second(s) they saw me. lolz.
"you're so proud of your physique, but you still want your cake..."
Anyway, now it has grown into a full-fledged pseudorelationship, while he remains with decoy girlfriend and I, at least outwardly, stay with J for the hell of it. F and I go out on what appear to be dates (he always picks me up, takes me out for drinks, dinner, shows, takes me home, etc...) or at least it sure feels that way, and he even says shit to me like, if I weren't with decoy azn girlfriend, he and I would be together. The way it feels when we're together, I don't think he's just saying it to be nice. I sense real feelings developing and it scares me due to the weirdness of the situation, but, typical for my life for this to happen.
Now, this is incredibly shady on both of our parts, but I think we're both stuck in our present relationships and afraid to move onto something better, which I think we have found in each other. I enjoy spending time with him so much but I'm scared to tell him how I feel so as not to a) ruin what is already established, b) get rejected in case I'm misinterpreting that this might be growing into something more, and c) don't want to scare him off as a friend.
Something needs to change soon. I hope this post makes some sense and doesn't make me seem like a whiny nutjob, but what do my fellow bluelighters think I should do?
I'm probably going to see where things go for now, but I need to make a move in some direction soon (which will include, at the least, me breaking things off with J, my real boyfriend, very soon, since I don't want to hurt or betray him more than I already have. I'm just so happy when I'm with F). This is also probably a huge oversimplification of events, especially since J and F have both been after me the (separate) second(s) they saw me. lolz.
"you're so proud of your physique, but you still want your cake..."
