up all night
Bluelight Crew
Blinded by the startling clarity of black and white,
I stumble less then cautiously into discovery.
Peeking through the fingers of the hand that's trying to protect weary eyes
I'm morbidly fascinated by the scenes I face
The ones that create burnt images on my eyelids.
I'm not ready for this
But I probably never will be.
The safety of the grey
The what ifs, the maybe's and the but's
Are no longer enough to save me.
Drowning in my pointless hope I realise now
It's sink or swim.
Forcing open eyes that I've gradually sealed shut
The truth cuts holes in my barriers
Fracturing my fragile soul
And still comes back for more.
I know I'm not ready for this.
Your arm draped so casually over shoulders that aren't mine.
Do your fingertips remember me?
Because you seem to have forgotten.
My thoughts of you glow red
Like embers of a fire which is about to go out
And yet they still burn if I try to hold them.
The open arms of friends serve only to make me notice
How many people will witness my downfall
But I just can't pretend anymore.
So exhausted by the efforts of my alter ego
One more fake laugh will break me.
I still hear you when I talk
Can't erase you when I dream
My car, this house, my clothes, my tears
Keep you alive and close at hand.
If only i could leave myself behind.
You aren't a hole, a gap, a nagging sense of loss
You're my catalyst for self destruction
And there's no way I'm ready for this.
I stumble less then cautiously into discovery.
Peeking through the fingers of the hand that's trying to protect weary eyes
I'm morbidly fascinated by the scenes I face
The ones that create burnt images on my eyelids.
I'm not ready for this
But I probably never will be.
The safety of the grey
The what ifs, the maybe's and the but's
Are no longer enough to save me.
Drowning in my pointless hope I realise now
It's sink or swim.
Forcing open eyes that I've gradually sealed shut
The truth cuts holes in my barriers
Fracturing my fragile soul
And still comes back for more.
I know I'm not ready for this.
Your arm draped so casually over shoulders that aren't mine.
Do your fingertips remember me?
Because you seem to have forgotten.
My thoughts of you glow red
Like embers of a fire which is about to go out
And yet they still burn if I try to hold them.
The open arms of friends serve only to make me notice
How many people will witness my downfall
But I just can't pretend anymore.
So exhausted by the efforts of my alter ego
One more fake laugh will break me.
I still hear you when I talk
Can't erase you when I dream
My car, this house, my clothes, my tears
Keep you alive and close at hand.
If only i could leave myself behind.
You aren't a hole, a gap, a nagging sense of loss
You're my catalyst for self destruction
And there's no way I'm ready for this.
thanks *hugs*
