Sigh.. life.

[Diloadid]

This is my first tds post, and I hope it will be okay to post this here? It seems to fit the criteria.

I've been shooting tons of dope lately, tons of dope. I'm 5'6 and I weigh about 130lbs, but for some reason my body can handle 5-6 1/10ths of a gram of some good dope a day. I don't even want to talk about the bad dope man... shit. I am really embarrassed to ask my doctor this, but he knows I shoot dope, and I think he would help me out... but I really want to ask him to prescribe me some naloxone, or something of the sort. Because my heart is pretty fucked up from a near fatal methadone/xanax/alcohol od earlier this year, and I feel at the rate I'm going i'm either going to od again, or go broke trying. I'm almost thankful for the days when I can't find any dope.

I've got some pretty crazy court stuff coming up, which if anybody read my post in NMI, this is why I'm no longer in school atm. I'm banned from my college campus for receiving $2400 in stolen property (textbooks), which I sold at various bookstores in the area. This is my first major major fuck up in life, I've been charged with a DUI (but it was dropped because the cop changed his story up on the stand)... but that is a dui, very far from a felony receiving charge. I think this is why I've been shooting so much dope lately tho', because I know in January shit is going to get real real anti-dope. I'm thinking... court ordered rehab. Hopefully.

 

[rangrz]

hey dude; I see you got bad stuff going on in your life. But here is my take. you got court ordered rehab. Take advantage of it! It might change your life. Go out at it with an open mind and best of luck!

 

[Diloadid]

: ) thanks. I know that I need to clean my life up, just right now.. everything is so stressful that if I give up dope, something else would be bound to take its place. : ( I think it is just in my personality, I could probably snort rock salt continuously and find some joy in it (lol). I like your location description tho' @Rangrz. We get milk in bags, haha.

Edit: Also, i do make sure I can pass my drug test for court. So the only time i'm not shooting dope is about five days prior to court, which sucks. But i'm prescribed tramadol, so it isn't too bad.

Also I feel bad for saying in my initial post that I'm going to od or go broke trying. I'm not purposely trying to OD, I just feel the way I'm spending money, and how much dope I've started doing recently are going to lead to an early death... I dunno, I'm just confused. -sigh

 

[badfish45]

Hmm, I'm not sure whether this belongs here or not but I'll let the mods decide that

Actually you know what it's fine. I suggest you definitely work with your doc for something like this, because he's more than willing to help. Unfortunately, you had to learn about your decisions the hard way by getting banned from your college, but now is the perfect time to make a turn around and change things. Keep off the dope as much as you can so you can pass your court test.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Diloadid I'm sorry to hear that things are so stressful for you at the moment. It can be a pretty defeated kinda feeling, having to admit to a professional (e.g. a doctor, psych doctor etc) that your drug problem is much worse than they know. So I think it's pretty natural that you're feeling a bit embarrassed about it. But please know that your doctor is NOT going to judge you or think any less of you if you tell them what's going on. It is their job to medically assist you through whatever you're experiencing. I think it would be good to get your doctor's support.

However, as rangrz said, court-ordered rehab could be a huge blessing in disguise!! It could be a great opportunity for you to have a good go at getting clean. But January is still 2 months away, do you think you should speak to your doctor before then?

 

[Diloadid]

I do plan on talking to my dr soon, I'm going for a heart echo on the 2nd of december, so probably then. Thanks for all the insight, I do think if I get sentenced to court order rehab that I will go into it with a positive head. It is just making it until January... if anything were to happen such as OD I couldn't go to the hospital, because it would violate the terms of my bail, sigh... All these things just really suck. Thanks everybody!

Edit : I don't know if anyone will know the answer to this but, on the terms of my bail I can't test positive for any narcotics at any point, but I have been thinking of going to a suboxone or methadone clinic to have a hand at opiate maintenance, just to help me try to clean up a bit. Does anyone think that either of these would cause issues with my bail?