Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Heroin ruined my life.

[f1rem0uth]

These days they are giving out lower doses of Methadone and 1 year long programs instead of just giving out high doses and leaving addicts on Methadone forever or until they feel like getting off it!, which rarely happens. I've been on Methadone for 6 years now, I was taking Heroin for 5 years.
I was on 80ml of Methadone a day until they decieded to reduce me 2ml a month and now I'm on 40ml a day, its easy to reduce this way but the last 40ml is going to be the hardest to get off.
A one point I was buying extra Methadone when I was taking my 80ml that I was perscribed, so some days I could be taking 200ml, so I got a bad habbit, this is why they reduced me. I was also put on daily collections so I only took my days dose and no more, that way I had my medicine every day.
As soon as I was perscribed Methadone I stopped using heroin right away, but I found I liked the feeling of the Methadone, I was getting a nice feeling off it, it made me feel warm and content with life and I wanted to talk to people.
The good thing about Methadone is that you don't have to go around scoring drugs, you don't wake up rattling, its safer than shooting up, you know what you are taking, it has many more good points but also has its bad points!!, such as it is highly addictive and almost impossible to get off if you are on it for a long time.
If you feel you would need to take Methadone, as it really can help some people, try and get a 1 year program, so you are taking Methadone for no more than 1 year otherwise it really is hard to get off. It all depends on if you are ok with staying on Methadone long term, I have lost all my motivation to do anything now I'm on a lower daily dose, but otherwise I could have eneded up dead if I carried on taking Heroin!.
Methadone worked for me, but perhaps would have liked to not have been left on it for so long with no help from my keyworkers to reduce me sooner.
I could just stay on it forever but Methadonbe has its side effects, especially higer doses, sweating, weight gain or weight loss, itching skin, skin rashes/sores, pinned eye pupils, malnutrition or over malnutrition, sleep apnea and most likely many other side effects, by reducing my dose I have seen an improvemnet in having less of these side effects, but my increased anxiety and depression and loss of motivation have come back agian.
The reason I took Heroin in the first place was to over come depression and my social phobia, the Methadone helped but now again as I said before reducing my dose is bringing back all these old unwanted feelings that I took drugs for in the first place to try and cover up.

So don't take the decision to start taking Methadone lightly, consider seriously if it is for you before signing up for those Scripts.

 

[Zerrr]

I hope you're doing well.

 

[dopesickk]

I can totally relate. I'm clean off h for 5 days today with the help of subutex. Im trying a short 6 day detox. I stil have horrible cravings. But at least I can get out of bed and sleep decently. Getting clean is not easy and not everyone can do it, I'm not even sure if I can. . But the most important thing is to want it. If you wanna be clean and live a normal life waking up to a fresh brew of coffee instead of a morning shot of medicine you can do it! I'm not sure if I'm ready or not to quit forever but I also haven't hit rock bottom. All I know is you can do anything you set your mind too. You just have to want it bad enough.

 

[Purge]

I understand this is a really old thread but I needed to say this. Heroin did NOT ruin your life. You ruined your own life. Your problem, your addiction is/was 100% your own fault. People need to get this through their heads instead of blaming the drug. Most people who've tried heroin don't get addicted. I know plenty who've done heroin and many other drugs but have never been addicted to anything their entire lives. You know why? Because they're disciplined enough to be able to practice self-control. Ever heard of the phrase "moderation is key"?

 

[Moreaux]

I understand this is a really old thread but I needed to say this. Heroin did NOT ruin your life. You ruined your own life. Your problem, your addiction is/was 100% your own fault. People need to get this through their heads instead of blaming the drug. Most people who've tried heroin don't get addicted. I know plenty who've done heroin and many other drugs but have never been addicted to anything their entire lives. You know why? Because they're disciplined enough to be able to practice self-control. Ever heard of the phrase "moderation is key"?

I think this is a little harsh and could have been phrased a little more pleasantly, but I will leave it for the time being as you're new. The Dark Side is a recovery forum, and we are supportive to one another. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but you must be respectful in how you express that opinion, abuse will not be tolerated. I will be watching your activity in this forum. Consider this an official warning. If you are here just to make angry comments I will begin issuing infractions.

From what you have written it is clear you do not have a full understanding of addiction. Addiction is most frequently a symptom of a larger mental health issue, and addicts use the substance to self medicate to escape their pain. While perhaps in the beginning of use it may be a self control issue, some substances physically alter the structure of the brain physically and chemically so that the addiction is not longer a matter of discipline or self control without intervention.

You may not be aware of this, but most addicts do not want to be addicts, and feel they have little control over their lives. They live in pain and misery, and would like nothing more than to be heathy and sober.

I will also say that on some levels you are correct, addicts are absolutely accountable for their actions. Drugs do not ruin people's lives, but unmanaged mental illness and extreme pain certainly do. People don't look for addiction, it happens and it sometimes happens with little to no warning, and once that line has been crossed one can never go back. Using drugs is a gamble, some people get addicted some don't, as of yet there is no reliable method for determining who would becomes an addict if exposed to a specific substance.

The people you reference that use heroin that are not addicts, don't forget to add "yet". It's quite possible that they haven't crossed that line, it's quite possible they have and you are not aware of it as addicts are great at hiding the issue until they're deep within the rabbit hole. There is a good chance that they will eventually become addicts and it happens benignly - they lose a job or a partner, a loved one's death and so the use heroin to help get through the trauma. Or it could be a medical issue that causes great pain. Many members here are addicts because they require pain medication. They take them as prescribed, no more, no less and do so for an extended period of time. Perfectly legal, perfectly justified, exhibiting self control and discipline, but they are still addicted.

You have a valid argument on some levels but I think you lack perspective on addiction to really apply it, and the angry tone in your post makes me feel like you are not interested in learning about addiction. However, if I am wrong feel free to discuss your ideas in more detail, myself and others on this site enjoy good discussions. Good evening to you.

 

[Purge]

I think this is a little harsh and could have been phrased a little more pleasantly, but I will leave it for the time being as you're new. The Dark Side is a recovery forum, and we are supportive to one another. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but you must be respectful in how you express that opinion, abuse will not be tolerated. I will be watching your activity in this forum. Consider this an official warning. If you are here just to make angry comments I will begin issuing infractions.

From what you have written it is clear you do not have a full understanding of addiction. Addiction is most frequently a symptom of a larger mental health issue, and addicts use the substance to self medicate to escape their pain. While perhaps in the beginning of use it may be a self control issue, some substances physically alter the structure of the brain physically and chemically so that the addiction is not longer a matter of discipline or self control without intervention.

You may not be aware of this, but most addicts do not want to be addicts, and feel they have little control over their lives. They live in pain and misery, and would like nothing more than to be heathy and sober.

I will also say that on some levels you are correct, addicts are absolutely accountable for their actions. Drugs do not ruin people's lives, but unmanaged mental illness and extreme pain certainly do. People don't look for addiction, it happens and it sometimes happens with little to no warning, and once that line has been crossed one can never go back. Using drugs is a gamble, some people get addicted some don't, as of yet there is no reliable method for determining who would becomes an addict if exposed to a specific substance.

The people you reference that use heroin that are not addicts, don't forget to add "yet". It's quite possible that they haven't crossed that line, it's quite possible they have and you are not aware of it as addicts are great at hiding the issue until they're deep within the rabbit hole. There is a good chance that they will eventually become addicts and it happens benignly - they lose a job or a partner, a loved one's death and so the use heroin to help get through the trauma. Or it could be a medical issue that causes great pain. Many members here are addicts because they require pain medication. They take them as prescribed, no more, no less and do so for an extended period of time. Perfectly legal, perfectly justified, exhibiting self control and discipline, but they are still addicted.

You have a valid argument on some levels but I think you lack perspective on addiction to really apply it, and the angry tone in your post makes me feel like you are not interested in learning about addiction. However, if I am wrong feel free to discuss your ideas in more detail, myself and others on this site enjoy good discussions. Good evening to you.

I'm pretty open-minded, and I'm certain I understand addiction. My own sister was once addicted to oxycodone. Her addiction wasn't anywhere near as bad as the OP's, but that's not the main difference. My sister not once, not even for second, thought about blaming her decisions, her mistakes, on oxycodone. She fully understood that her addiction was completely her own fault. Everyone has problems. Using your trials and tribulations as an excuse for addiction doesn't justify it by any means.

Sorry if I came off as angry but that's just how I am at times. I can be pretty blunt. It just irks me when people try to blame their addictions (to anything, not necessarily drugs) on anything other than themselves instead of shouldering full responsibility.